May the Words of my Mouth

Hearing what some people were saying at the LSU v. Florida game brought this song to my mind.

May the words of my mouth and the thoughts of my heart
Bless Your name, bless Your name, Jesus
And the deeds of the day and the truth in my ways
Speak of You, speak of You, Jesus

For this is what I'm glad to do
It's time to live a life of love that pleases You
And I will give my all to You
Surrender everything I have and follow You
I'll follow You

Lord, will You be my vision, Lord, will You be my guide
Be my hope, be my light and the way
And I'll look not for riches, nor praises on earth
Only You'll be the first of my heart

I will follow
I will follow

I will follow You

"May the words of my mouth and the thoughts of my heart, Bless Your name, bless Your name Jesus." There were certainly words being said that weren't blessing His name. Being in the student section I'm not surprised at all to hear some of the things I hear. I just don't understand how some people don't hear how ignorant and stupid the sound sometimes. And immature. That's not my point though. What really upsets me is when I hear some of these things coming from people I know who claim to be Christians. They don't just claim to be Christians, I mean I know they are, but what they say certainly wouldn't make an outsider think that. The specific things I'm thinking of weren't even that bad if you were to rate them but they don't need to be said nonetheless. I admit I used to have a bad language problem. It's like i would turn it on and off though depending on who I was with. School friends, say whatever I please. Church, watch my mouth. So I'm no saint who's never uttered a bad word. That's who I used to be though not who I am now. "Be perfect, therefore, as Your heavenly Father is perfect." Matthew 5:48 As Christians we are supposed to live our live in a way that represents Christ and brings glory to Him. This includes our actions, words, and thoughts.

From the Inside Out

There are so many great thoughts in this song that there is a lot I could say. I don't know whether to mention them all or just the first thoughts I had when I was originally going to post this. So we'll see what I decide at the end of this. :)

A thousand times I've failed
Still your mercy remains
Should I stumble again
Still I'm caught in your grace
Everlasting, your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, your glory goes beyond all fame

Your will above all else
My purpose remains
The art of losing myself in bringing you praise
Everlasting, your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, your glory goes beyond all fame

In my heart, in my soul
I give you control
Consume me from the inside out
Let justice and praise
Become my embrace
To love you from the inside out

Everlasting, your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, your glory goes beyond all fame
And the cry of my heart is to bring you praise
From the inside out
Lord my soul cries out

I don't think I can talk about just one point in the song without eventually mentioning all the others. "A thousands times I've failed, still Your mercy remains, should I stumble again, still I'm caught in Your grace." How many times have I messed up. Wished I could take things back...but I can't. God is gracious, giving me forgiveness I don't feel I deserve. He is merciful to not punish me every time I stumble- and believe me it's been many time. I have stumbled and and I have fallen. We all will stumble, and that's okay. The problem is when we fall. Maybe sometimes the fall is unavoidable. But what about those times when I see myself beginning to stumble and I just continue on and don't try to stop myself. I knowingly choose to continue what it is I shouldn't. I need to catch myself before I fall.

"In my heart and my soul, I give You control." How many times do we (I) sing this and not mean it? Do we realize what we are saying when we sing this? I give YOU control Lord. It's not about me. It's not what I want, what I desire. It's not what I have planned for my life. No. It's all about You. It's "Your will above all else." Not mine. Yours Lord. Yours. "Your light will shine when all else fades." How amazing is it to think about that. If all our plans crumble and fade, His light will still shine. Or if everything around us is just pulling us down. If we're surrounded but nothing but evil. Everything that the world can give us fades away. But His light, it will forever shine. It will shine when all else fades. We can always, and should always, rely on Him.

I could go on and on some more. It'd be so much easier actually talking about what this means. What it means to me. Not having to try and get it into logical order, and written (or typed) words. But whatever. His glory goes beyond all fame. Not mine. This isn't for my glory. It is to bring glory to Him.

God of Jacob

I said I had more to say about this song. I didn't realize I'd be saying it so soon. I had once before blogged about it on a blog I didn't keep up and had a much longer entry but it was about the song's relevance with occurrences in my life then. So now, I actually don't ahve as much to say about it. So short and simple it will be! Anyways.

God of Jacob

We bow our hearts, we bend our knees
Oh spirit, come make us humble
We turn our eyes from evil things
Oh Lord, we cast down our idols

So give us clean hands, and give us pure hearts
Let us not lift our souls to another
And give us clean hands, and give us pure hearts
Let us not lift our souls to another

O God, let us be a generation that seeks

That seeks your face, O God of Jacob
O God, let us be a generation that seeks
That seeks your face, O God of Jacob.

This generation, now, needs to be the generation that shakes things up. The generation that spreads the gospel like wildfire, to everyone, everywhere. Really everybody, every generation needs to be that generation. Let this be your prayer. My prayer.

Who I Am Hates Who I've Been & City On Our Knees

Why is it so hard to change? It's easy (sometimes) to see the changes we want to make and even to know how to make them but actually making the change is so difficult sometimes. For me personally it's laziness and lack of effort. I want so desperately to change who I am now into someone better for the Lord. This song sums it up.

Who I Am Hates Who I've Been
by: Relient K

I watched the proverbial sunrise

Coming up over the Pacific and

You might think I'm losing my mind,
But I will shy away from the specifics...

'cause I don't want you to know where I am
'cause then you'll see my heart

In the saddest state it's ever been.

This is no place to try and live my life.

[Pre-Chorus]
Stop right there. That's exactly where I lost it

.See that line. Well I never should have crossed it.

Stop right there. Well I never should have said
That it's the very moment that I wish that I could take back.

[Chorus]

I'm sorry for the person I became.

I'm sorry that it took so long for me to change.
I'm ready to be sure I never become that way again
'cause who I am hates who I've been.
Who I am hates who I've been.

I talk to absolutely no one.
Couldn't keep to myself enough.

And the things bottled inside have finally begun
To create so much pressure that I'll soon blow up.

I heard the reverberating footsteps
Synching up to the beating of my heart,

And I was positive that unless I got myself together,
I would watch me fall apart.

And I can't let that happen again
'cause then you'll see my heart

In the saddest state it's ever been.

This is no place to try and live my life.

[Pre-Chorus x2]
[Chorus]

Who I am hates who I've been
And who I am will take the second chance you gave me.

Who I am hates who I've been
'cause who I've been only ever made me...

So sorry for the person I became.
So sorry that it took so long for me to change.

I'm ready to be sure I never become that way again
'cause who I am hates who I've been.

Who I am hates who I've been.

While I was away this summer I had all these plans of how I'd change once I got back home. I would make sure to spend time daily in prayer and reading the Bible. I would depend on God and not myself. Pretty much all the things most people say when they come back from a church camp or whatever and they're on that "spiritual high." How many times before have I told myself those same things before? Too many to count. How many times have I actually made those proposed changes in my life? I don't know but none have stuck with me. It works for a little while then life gets busy and I let those things slip away. I hate myself being this way. I want to commit to making these changes and actually make them happen.

Also kind of along the same lines I've been recently thinking how it disgusts me how there are so many hypocrites. They claim to be Christian, they come worship at TNT, they go to church, they've been D-now leaders, they've gone on mission trips, and they get wasted on the weekends. That is probably one of the things that irks me the most about some people. Like i said it disgusts me. It truly disgusts me. Then I realized I am no better then they are. I might not do anything "bad" but what am I doing nothing. I go to church, TNT, mission trips, and do nothing. I'm not spending any time outside of corporate worship with the Lord. I disgust myself. I think the biggest insult I could be given would be to be called a hypocrite when it comes to my faith and that's exactly what I've been. A hypocrite.

While I was thinking about all this I was thinking about when to start making these changes I want to make. But why wait for some certain day? Why not tonight? That's when City on Our Knees came in my head. A new song from Toby Mac that has been playing on Klove a lot recently. It says it perfectly. Why not here? Why not now?

Tobymac - City On Our Knees

If you've gotta start somewhere
Why not here?
If you've gotta start sometime
Why not now?

If you've gotta start somewhere I say here
If you've gotta start sometime I say now
Through the fog
There is hope in the distance

From cathedrals to third world missions
Love will fall to the earth like a crashing wave
Tonight is the night
For the sinners and the saints

To rescue life in a beautiful display
It's all up tonight
When we step across the line
We can sail across the sea

To a city with one king
A city on our knees
If we gotta start somewhere
Why not here?

If we gotta start sometime
Why not now?
If we gotta start somewhere
I say here
If we gotta start sometime
I say now

Tonight couldn't last forever
We are one choice from together
Family, we're family
You and me, yeah you and me

If we gotta start somewhere
Why not here?
If we gotta start somewhere
Why not now?

no song this time

Saturday I has a strong feeling of missing the children from the village, Trans. All of a sudden, I don't know why I even started thinking about the village, but I thought about Nona and the other children and started missing them. Nan, content just sitting quietly by me at the well holding my towel while I waited for the shower stall thing. Nona, being with us practically all the time (I mean we were at her family's house after all) and teaching her to play slide. Nan and Nona chattering away while the others slept and I read, saying all our names and where we're from then doing my hair for me. Afebi and her sweet smile. Carmalita, the first time we met her she gave such an almost mean kind of look and would scoot farther from us each time we got closer. Then at the beach when she took my ponytail out to get the sand out my hair, she really went to work at it too. Emila, that scared look she usually had, but she finally gave me a high five, and then held my hand and said my name one day. Even Efri, with his "sticky fingers". And all the rest. It wasn't helped by me putting all the pictures I got printed into albums today and yesterday.

Nona

Emila and another girl

a beautiful darling

Nan and Afebi

? and Efri

boys at the beach


kids hanging around our house


I just love this picture. This is from our first night in the village.

"Da." The final goodbye.

I could post so many more pictures but I won't get carried away and wills top with these.