It Overwhelms and Satisfies my Soul

Lately I have found such joy in the Lord. This is something I'm not sure I fully understood before. I could try and explain it or what I mean, or I can just accept it and leave you with a brief summary. I choose the latter. 

Experiencing the peace the Lord gives was great, is great, but it can't just stay at that. Something else needs to evolve from it, some sort of growth. There are only two options, you're either growing or dying. Stagnation may seem like a third option, but it's not. It is a lack of growth, therefore, dying. Well, that peace has turned into something. 

It has turned into joy. I am happy, I crave spending time with the Lord, I'm genuinely excited about the Lord's work, and I have so much I want to share with others about the Lord and what I have learned or am learning. 

Start of Grad School

Grad school has started! My schedule is all kinds of crazy. Okay, maybe it's not that crazy, but no day is the same. Mondays I have 3 hour class, Tuesdays' 2 clinics, Wednesdays' a 3 3 hour class, Thursdays' 2 clinics and a 3 hour class, and Fridays' CES (no clue what it stands for) class 6 times this semester.

So far it has been overwhelming and it's only the beginning, the very beginning. It's been two days, I still haven't been to two classes at all yet, and there is so much information and stuff to do that it's just overload. 

I'm excited though. I love what I'm studying, speech language pathology. I don't know what I ultimately hope to do with it, what I want to focus on, because I'm so excited and want to know/do it all! I guess after experience in clinics with such varieties I'll be able to narrow it down. My two clinics this semester are Preschool and Accent Modification. 

One of my classmates, I just learned, lives in my neighborhood and has lived here her entire life. It's crazy. I can't believe we never met before. We even managed to do our undergrad together and still never met until last week. 

Story time about today. Parking is still craziness so I parked farther than I'll have to the rest of the semester. Once people stop going to class over the next few weeks hopefully it'll get better. I parked and was walking to the preschool. The preschool is on one side of campus and the building I end in is on the opposite side. I parked nearer the building I end in though because when I'm done I want to be able to just leave, not walk all the way across campus to get to my car. So anyway, I got to the Design Building, about a 6 minute walk from where I was parked and realized I forgot my lunch in the car. It wasn't worth going back to get. So for lunch today I had a handful of popcorn and a mystery cookie at the preschool, two chocolate chip cookies and a brownie at the BCM, and a granola bar I had in my backpack. Delicious and nutritious! Well the former, not so much the latter. Story doesn't end there though. I went outside at the BCM and set my alarm on my phone for 1:10 so I would be able to leave and have enough time to walk to where I needed to go and I didn't have to keep constantly checking the time. I hear the bells and look at my phone to see the time because I know the bells ring every 15 minutes. It's 1:15! Oh crap, I got to hurry! I check my alarm and I had it set for 11:10. Oops! Luckily, I made it on time with a few minutes to spare. And my big sister in the COMD program left a chocolate bar in my mailbox! Story time over. 

Originally when my class times got changed I wasn't very happy about it. Now,except for the Thursday 4:30-7:30 class, I think I actually like the changes. My plan is to use the time on Mondays and Wednesdays before class as designated study time. And on Tuesdays and Thursdays I have a 1 hour break between clinics. This schedule also gives me chances to for sure have a devotional time everyday because face it my plan to do that every night before bed never lasts more than a few days. I'm thinking M and W before studying in the Design courtyard or whatever it's called, and T and Th the Greek amphitheater during lunch. I'd never been in the Design building (except for once with Kallie to get food) or courtyard until we did our orientation in the auditorium. It's a nice little place. So,I'm pretty excited about this plan! I just need to work on discipline to make sure it happens. I don't think that word, discipline, is really in my vocabulary though. 

This is unrelated to grad school but I thought I'd throw it in anyway. Today a friend retweeted a tweet from Skeptical Africa. I thought it was kinda funny and retweeted it too. It was "So you're telling me...they have to stamp a date on your food so you dont forget to eat it before it goes bad?" Then I was reading more of them and yes some of them are silly but then I read this one, " So you're telling me while I live in a house made of mud you have small houses for your cars called garages??" and I felt a little convicted. And I don't even have a garage. I mean I've seen the small houses in other countries; I've stayed in those small houses. Then there I was today touring the preschool, which is located in an old house, thinking about how much I love old houses and how I love how big the bedrooms were. I do really love old houses! 

Oh my,  Let me end this before I ramble on more. 

Glorieta 2012

Every Glorieta experience is different.

This one proved to be different starting with the bus ride there.  ­It wasn’t nearly as miserable as I was expecting it to be. We played Apples to Apples, Go Fish Dinos, and Old Maid, read fairytales out loud, and played several mind/logic sorta games.

There’s a lot to enjoy about Glorieta but I think one of my favorite things is being able to get away and get alone with the Lord. I’m torn during the free time between wanting to go cheer on and watch people playing the sports or doing my own thing. Doing my own thing wins each time. I can play or watch people play sports at home. I don’t have a huge prayer garden I can go to at home. I don’t have trails I can wander along alone at home. So that’s exactly what I did on Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday during free time.

On Monday I hiked up Glorieta Lookout trail with Meredith, Emily, and Bryanna, and then I got away on my own to go to the prayer garden. On Tuesday I went to the prayer garden again. It kept threatening to rain, but luckily it didn’t.  Then when I left the garden I explored the trails near the cabins by myself. I’m just the type of person that needs to be able to have alone time. Thursday I got to catch up with Sarah, and then again get away to the tables along the trails near the cabins.

Thursday, when talking with Sarah, I realized frustration has been competing with and taking over the peace I’ve been feeling. I’ve been keeping everything I’ve been dealing with inside and bottled up for so long that when I did share I just broke down. It’s like I’ve been storing all the tears behind a dam and the dam finally broke. It’s a reminder for me though that you don’t always know the trials and struggles someone may be going through. Outwardly or publicly everything appears fine but just because you can’t see the inward turmoil doesn’t mean it’s not there.

Then that night, as worship began, we prayed for a student, Jude, who has cancer. I guess it just struck too close to home because I was emotional the rest of the night. That was possibly the best night of worship though in my opinion. I was constantly reminded through that night that God is sovereign.  “You are peace. You are peace when my fear is crippling…You are joy. You are joy. You’re the reason that I sing”

What I think my biggest take away from the week is is letting Christ shine through me by truly giving myself and my plans to Him. It’s during all the time alone, and getting alone with the Lord, that I learn the most. I can take what I’ve been hearing and learning during the sessions and worship and really reflect on it and pray.

As we sang one night “Here’s my heart Lord, take and seal it, seal it for thy courts above,” it became so much more than just words.  It became my prayer and I don’t think it can be said better than that. Here’s my heart Lord. Take it and seal it. Seal it for thy courts above. Here’s what I wrote in my journal: Lord, let the focus and desire of my heart be You. May my thoughts and actions all be to glorify You. Lord, here is my heart. I want to honor You. Help me to take captive every thought so it is honoring to you.

Philippians 4:8-9 Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely whatever is admirable- if anything is excellent or praiseworthy- think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me- put into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.

2 Corinthians 10:5 We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every though to make it obedient to Christ.

That tied in so well, at least I think, with the passage we were discussing all week in our community group:

 1 Peter 4: 7-11 The end of all things is near. Therefore be clear minded and self-controlled so that you can pray. Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins, Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling. Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God's grace in its various forms. If anyone speaks, he should do it as one speaking the very words of God. If anyone serves, he should do it with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. To him be the glory and the power for ever and ever. Amen. 

I really enjoyed my community group too. It was a group I felt comfortable in and everybody willing participated. It was a great group.

Wednesday we had our free day and we went to Pecos. I climbed up part of the mountain with some of the girls. Not much scares me, and I don’t know why but getting back down the mountain was scaring the mess out of me. Everything went fine though and some guys from Denham Springs were there to help us. On the way back to Glorieta from Pecos I finally met two of the Canadians, Cameron and Ryan. I’m sad that it was the second to last day before I met them because I enjoyed talking with them. When we got back from Pecos I was able to ramble about Indonesia to a few people. That always makes me happy.

Not only did we have the Canadians but we also had two girls from Alaska in our cabin and the group from Hawaii eating with us. We had all kinds of places represented!

The trip back home was not quite as bearable as the trip there, but we did play MASH for about 4 hours so now everyone has their future planned. It was hilarious! Parker gets married to three of the girls on the bus. I have a total of 87 children as I work as a chef/human trafficker. I didn’t even want to write that down and I became it! I guess that’s reason we can be very thankful MASH doesn’t actually determine our future! 

Summer is Coming to an End

While at Glorieta this past week I was sitting outside the cabin one evening and the reality set in that school was about to start. I’d get home, have a week, and then school starts. Really I don’t even have a week because 3 days of that week will be filled with grad school and comd department orientation.

As I reflect on this summer, I can’t help but think it kind of sucked. Yes, it did have good moments, but it was just that, moments. Among all those moments were the constant days of raining, numerous doctor’s appointments, boredom, and lack of productivity.

I can’t ignore those good moments, though, so I must mention them. Monday nights with the BCM were nice and brought me and Kelsea closer which led to a girl’s night with her and Meredith. That night was also I believe the only true all-nighter I’ve pulled as a college student. We didn’t go to bed until 6:00am!

I got to travel to the exciting places of Houma, La and Wesson, MS! OK, so maybe the places aren’t that exciting but it was nice to visit with friends, Lana and Jessica.

I hoped to be able to go to Massachusetts to visit Sarah but unfortunately that didn’t work out. It’s okay that that did not work out because I got to visit with her anyway! She and Chris were at Glorieta. What a blessing it was to be able to spend time catching up with Sarah!

So, like I said, the summer did have its good moments, not all of it was bad. Overall, I feel that it was wasted, though, and that’s precisely what I don’t want- to look back on my summer and see that it was wasted.

SE Asia 2011: Challenges

I often describe this trip as the most challenging. People ask why but it is not easy to sum up in a simple word or two, or even a sentence or two. There’s the day I refer to as the day of tears, the immense pain during the last week-week and a half, and many emotional, mental, and spiritual challenges.

I wanted to be there but it’s like my heart was not there. It wasn’t at home either though. I never felt homesick on this trip. The only people I missed were the rest of the group when we were split up in our different locations. Even that seems contradictory when I mention the next challenge.

I did not feel close to anyone. I love each of my team mates very much but on the trip I did not feel close to them. That started pretty much the moment I met up with the girls. When I got off the airplane I was trying to hold back my smile so people didn’t look at me weird but inwardly I was beaming I was so excited to be there. I couldn’t wait to join everyone. When I met up with the girls I was hoping for at least a little excitement, “Emily’s here!” I don’t really think anything was said but if something were it would have been like this, “Oh. Hey.” At least when the guys joined us that night they seemed excited I had arrived.  I know this trip was in no way about me so I hope I am not making it sound that way. I just had all this excitement about being there and wanted someone to share with me in that excitement and it seemed no one did.

Not only did I not feel close to my team mates but I didn’t feel like I made any close relationships with the people there. I think it takes me a while to make relationship with people and so in the short time we were there it just didn’t happen.

Harder than the other two challenges of not feeling close was feeling distant from the Lord. I would read my Bible for hours at a time and then have no clue what I read or only get maybe 2 pages read. It was just so hard to sense the Lord’s presence.

The day of tears needs a post of its own but a summary of it would be death, darkness, and misunderstandings.

The pain. I am about 90% sure I cracked a rib or two. If not cracked then I bruised them very, very badly. I didn’t realize this until a few months ago though, when I finally looked up signs and symptoms of a cracked rib.  After being in SE Asia only a few days I started coughing and got a runny nose. That didn’t really surprise me. Same thing happened the first time. The coughing never stopped though. It just got worse. I don’t know if it was that bad in the first half of the trip but it certainly was in the second half. I was coughing so much and so hard that my back hurt, my chest hurt, even my neck hurt. I could not take a deep breath or sigh. Laying down on my back hurt. There were moments I wanted to cry because it hurt so bad. There were two nights where I slept propped up against my backpack because it was the only way to find some sort of comfort. I guess I never made it known how much pain I truly was in.

So there is no denying I had many challenges but when I look around these challenges the Lord was working through them and despite them. 

SE Asia 2011: Common Questions

Some common questions I get asked is stuff like:  Where do you stay? What was the food like? These are without a doubt the easiest questions to answer but these are only the answers to those questions for the first half of the trip.

Food: For supper most nights we had fried rice. Not fried rice like most people probably think of with egg in it. This was fried rice I actually like a lot and miss. We got it from a food stall, called a warung, right around the corner from where we were staying. After it was cooked it was wrapped up in a piece of brown paper, kind of like a paper bag, and stapled shut. We would bring it back to our place to eat. One day the husband of the lady who owned that warung brought us chicken sandwiches. It was wonderful! Lunch most days came from the warung right next to the fried rice warung. It was fried noodles. It was similar to ramen noodles but with different flavorings. There were a few meals that didn’t come from those two warungs. The other meals always consisted of white rice and a small portion of meat. 

Shelter: The guys and girls stayed at two different places but I believe they were owned by the same man.  The guys place was referred to as the garden. You could either take the roads a long way to get there or go up the steep road by Pak Lindra’s house and cut through by the side of someone’s house, cross a ditch and fight through trees and grass. So the choice was long and easy or short and challenging. I really don’t know too much about their place. I don’t think they had running water or electricity but I am not positive. The garden had three beds and was very much open compared to where the girls stayed.

We stayed in a part of the family’s compound. Technically we had 2 bedrooms each with two beds, but we all stayed in one.  When you walk up the family’s driveway to the left is a covered area with instruments and the motorcycles and clothes line. Then you go up some steps and there is a platform thing to your left and the path to our rooms on the right. Straight ahead is the family’s house. Take the path on the right to our rooms. First is the room we didn’t sleep in which was very open. It did have somewhat transparent bamboo shades for walls. There was another platform sort of thing with a couple of gamelan on it. Above the platform was our second bedroom where all four of us girls stayed. We did have electricity and running water. However, the bulb burned out in the room we stayed in and we never got it switched. We really weren’t in our rooms much when it was dark anyway except to sleep. We had a western toilet and a sink! You have no idea how exciting a sink is to me. A sink is even more exciting to me than a western toilet. Have you tried washing your face when you have to do it using a bak. It’s just messy. A bak is what you bathe from. It’s basically a cistern filled with water and you use a scoop to pour the water over you. It is cold and it is not fun. Luckily our bak was movable and the faucet was high enough up that we moved the bak and used the faucet like a shower. It was still cold and not fun.