conglomeration

for the one reader i may have don't try to understand any of this. just don't try. i know what this means. they're unrelated. they're on my mind. i'm fine. in several years when i read this again maybe i won't remember then what they mean. which would then mean that maybe they really are insignificant.

that one hurt. can't say it was unexpected but it still hurt. the truth lies within the past two and a half years though.

brave. tawg salter. yes. but it's better not to be. maybe. or more of i don't want to be.

2 years, 8 months, 3 days. i just wanted to stare.

i should change me title. clearly i don't talk about just songs anymore. don't worry there won't be many posts like this. this is just one of those gotta get it out kind of posts.

Glad or depressed?

Sometimes I struggle with should I be glad or depressed. The obvious answer would seem to be glad but allow me a moment to explain the dilemma.

I am glad. Glad that I know my Savior. I am saved through faith in Jesus Christ. I know that one day I will spend eternity with my Savior in Heaven. For this I should be overjoyed. Knowing whatever happens to me in this world I have an eternity with Christ to look forward. Not to mention the time I do have here on earth to spend in prayer, in the Word, in worship.

Here's where the depression comes in. This isn't something I feel all the time, though maybe I should. Maybe the reason that I'm not in a constant state of depression at all times is because I don't find myself aware of the cause of this sadness except in certain situations and times. So let me get to what it is I feel I should be depressed about. I should be depressed because I realize how many lost people there are in this world. People who are damned to spend an eternity in hell. When I think about these people it's a lot easier (not that is is really easy or makes it any better by any means) to think that these people are the people of foreign countries who have turned their backs to God. People who bow down to idols, who worship more "gods" than they can count, who leave sacrifices to a god who doesn't exist. Typing that, and thinking now about it, has brought tears to my eyes. But they are not the only people who will be damned to hell. What about the people who never heard the Gospel? The people who know not a thing about who Jesus is? They are not excused. That is reality that hurts. That is why we must go to them. What hurts even more is what about our neighbors? Our best friends? Family? We don't want to think of such a fate for them yet we do not share Christ with them. It's like we overlook the fact that these people we care about most are on the road to dying without knowing Christ.

I'm sure there probably should be some sort of appropriate balance for these emotions. Well, really I'm not sure. Nor do I know what that balance is, if there is indeed one.

It Is Well With My Soul

Who knew this song had more than 4 verses? I didn't. I knew the ones that appear in the hymnal (that's the 1st, 2nd, 3rd, and last). There are another 2 verses! And they're just as good as the others! My favorite part from these 2 verses I never knew about before is in verse 5. The first two lines, "But Lord, 'tis for Thee, for Thy coming we wait/ The sky, not the grave, is our goal." The sky, not the grave, is our goal! Yes, amen! I love it.

It Is Well With My Soul

When peace like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to say,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

Refrain:
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
Let this blest assurance control,
That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
And hath shed His own blood for my soul.

My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!
My sin, not in part but the whole,
Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!

For me, be it Christ, be it Christ hence to live:
If Jordan above me shall roll,
No pang shall be mine, for in death as in life,
Thou wilt whisper Thy peace to my soul.

But Lord, 'tis for Thee, for Thy coming we wait,
The sky, not the grave, is our goal;
Oh, trump of the angel! Oh, voice of the Lord!
Blessed hope, blessed rest of my soul.

And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight,
The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;
The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,
Even so, it is well with my soul.

This song is so often sung in such a depressing sounding way. I know the circumstances in which Horatio Spafford wrote it were depressing. The first verse yes does contain a little bit of that sadness but look at all the rest. It should be such a joyous song. Christ has regarded my helpless estate, and has shed His own blood for my soul. For my soul! No matter what comes along Christ see is it. I can't save myself. Christ died for me. My sin, not in part, but the whole. Yes, all of it! Is nailed to the cross and I bear it no more. Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, oh my soul. Praise the Lord! Not in part, the whole! I bear it no more! I want to shout this out! Be it Christ hence to live! The sky, not the grave, is our goal! The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend! It is well with my soul. Yes, all this is well with my soul! I am saved by Christ!

Finals

It's finals week. Almost done! Monday when I was looking over notes minutes before my first final I turned to the back pages of my notebook and found some verses I'd written down when I was trying to memorize them for Bible Study. They were:

So do not fear for I am with you; do not be dismayed for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10

Cast all your anxiety upon him because he cares for you. 1 Peter 5:7

This is what the Lord says, "Let not the wise man boast of his wisdom, or the strongman boast of his strength, or the rich man boast of his riches, but let him who boasts boast about this: that he understands and knows me, that I am the Lord, who exercises kindness, justice, and righteousness on earth, for in these things I delight," declares the Lord. Jeremiah 9:23-24.

What an encouragement right before I was about to take my first final and at the start of finals week!

Radical?

I post this video for the story he tells in the beginning about the boys who sell themselves to slavery to witness to those people. That's amazing. I'm willing to say it's pretty radical. Extreme.

I don't mean to take anything away from what they did and how amazing I truly do think that it is. That takes a lot of faith and courage. But should the really be considered radical? Or should they be considered normal? I know in the video Paul Walsher does not call them radical or extreme. That is the way we would look at them though, how we would look at their actions.

I question whether it should be considered radical or normal because isn't this what is expected of us? No, not everyone is supposed to sell themselves to slavery with no way out. If everybody did that then there would be no one to reach the other lost people in the world. Yes some people need to stay and witness to the people right here around them. But shouldn't we all be willing to make the kind of sacrifices they made. Shouldn't we all be doing something "radical"? Aren't we told in the Bible to take up our crosses and follow Him. To deny ourselves. Leave everything behind. Count our lives as nothing. If we all did this then their actions would not be considered radical but normal. Expected. Even if it's like I said not everyone, it should still be more. Should it not? Enough that there's no special earthly recognition for your actions. It's just normal.