I wanted to say "the ending of an era" but that's not true. "The ending of the year" or "the ending of 2013" just doesn't sound as cool. I could have said "2013 it's finally over!" Last year I was the one saying I didn't understand why people were saying good riddance to 2012 and so ready for the new year. I enjoyed 2012. Well, this year it is I loudly declaring, "Good riddance 2013!"
I'm ready for 2014. I think subconsciously I'm even more ready for 2014 than I realize. A couple weeks a go I was writing checks and wrote the year as 14. Oops. Haha!
So now is the point where I'm supposed to reflect back on 2013 but I'd rather not. Instead of reflecting I tend to only single out the bad moments (or months) and ruminate on them. What's past is past. Let's leave it there and try to move on. For clarification, that's not to say there were no good moments at all in 2013. It's just that it seems the bad outweighed the good and I'm ready for a new year.
It's weird to think in many places, actually by now over half the world, is already in 2014. Our world right now is living in 2 different years! Crazy.
Tuesday, December 31, 2013
Friday, November 29, 2013
Learning to Wait
There's something I've been thinking about for a quite a while now, and the past week or so has been no exception. If anything I've been thinking about it more. I feel like I'm in this state of transition, and I feel like I have been in this state for a while. Here's the thing, I know the areas in life and the things I have been thinking about during this time, but I don't know exactly what it is I'm transitioning into or what I'm transitioning from for that matter. Nor do I know how long this transition is going to last. And I'm okay with that.
Over the past week I read Psalm 27:14 and really took it to heart, and then yesterday while looking for something else completely unrelated I came across a song I had forgotten about, While I'm Waiting.
And now that I've got that rambling out, here's a brief update on life since it's been 2 months since I last posted anything. Clinics have been over for a week now and I'm just 1 case study, 1 project, 2 presentations, and 2 finals away from finishing the semester.
It has been a truly great semester. I did't realize until a few weeks ago that this is probably the first semester where there wasn't constant stress. Therapy plans, reports, clinics, classes, assignments, tests. That's what the previous semesters, being on campus for clinic, have looked like. This semester I was off campus at Promise Hospital, and I loved it! I could rave on about how much I enjoyed it and how much I learned. My supervisor there was just wonderful. It was the first time I was sorry to see a clinic end. My supervisor and I did make it into an ad in the NSSLHA (National Student Speech Language Hearing Association, yeah it's a mouthful, that's why we go with the abbreviation pronounced "nish-luh") newsletter.
Over the past week I read Psalm 27:14 and really took it to heart, and then yesterday while looking for something else completely unrelated I came across a song I had forgotten about, While I'm Waiting.
"Wait for the LORD, be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD." Psalm 27:14
So there's kind of a lot of uncertainty floating around. I don't know what is going to happen or when. But like the song says, I am hopeful, and I am peaceful. I wait patiently and faithfully. "I will move ahead, bold and confident, taking every step in obedience. While I'm waiting, I will serve You." Those words just ring so true right now. There are things I wish I could know now, but at the same time I am okay with not knowing. I really am peaceful and hopeful about the future.
In this time it's like I'm in the middle of something, I don't know what, I guess just a stage in life, and I'm not going forward but I'm not going backward either. I'm waiting, trusting, and growing in faith. I don't know how long this transition will continue. So I wait. And right now I'm okay with the waiting.
And now that I've got that rambling out, here's a brief update on life since it's been 2 months since I last posted anything. Clinics have been over for a week now and I'm just 1 case study, 1 project, 2 presentations, and 2 finals away from finishing the semester.
It has been a truly great semester. I did't realize until a few weeks ago that this is probably the first semester where there wasn't constant stress. Therapy plans, reports, clinics, classes, assignments, tests. That's what the previous semesters, being on campus for clinic, have looked like. This semester I was off campus at Promise Hospital, and I loved it! I could rave on about how much I enjoyed it and how much I learned. My supervisor there was just wonderful. It was the first time I was sorry to see a clinic end. My supervisor and I did make it into an ad in the NSSLHA (National Student Speech Language Hearing Association, yeah it's a mouthful, that's why we go with the abbreviation pronounced "nish-luh") newsletter.
The completely unrelated thing I was looking for when I came across the song was this video. Enjoy.
Saturday, September 28, 2013
This Week is Against Me
This week has been and still is absolutely against me.
Sunday it began with my car still not working. Sunday night I set my alarm on my phone for 6:30am. I saw my battery was low so I plugged it in to charge overnight while I slept.
A little after 7:00am on Monday morning my mom wakes me up, "Don't you have class at 8?" "What time is it?" "A little after 7." Great. My alarm didn't just not go off, my whole phone was off. It wouldn't turn back on either. I took the battery out put it back, still wouldn't work. Left the battery out a few hours while I was in class, which didn't go so well either. Still would not work when I put it back in. Took my phone to an AT&T store in the afternoon to find out if it's just the battery or the device. From what they could tell, it's the device. $170 later I have a new phone. A windows phone. It's pretty cool but wasn't planning on dropping that kind of money on a phone any time soon and it doesn't have the same apps as Apple and Android phones, not that I had many apps to begin with. Oh and I essentially lost all my contacts. So if I didn't have someone's number in my phone from 2 phones ago (so basically anyone whose number I got this year) I no longer have. I must say the people at AT&T were very nice. They've been nice at every AT&T store I've been to, further making me glad to switch from Sprint to AT&T. C
Tuesday, my most dreaded day, was actually decent. No real complaint here. Although I did attempt to run the neighborhood when I woke up. This summer I was running 3 miles no problem. I couldn't even make it around the neighborhood, which is less than 1 mile, without walking. I'm going with the excuse that I just woken up. It probably doesn't help that I've only run maybe 2 miles total in the past 2 months.
Wednesday started out good. Then while at Promise Hospital my stomach started hurting. I'm not sure how long exactly this lasted but it was between 1 and 2 hours. It wasn't just a normal little stomach ache. It really hurt. I was nauseous and felt weak. I had a hot flash or two. I really thought there might be a possibility of me passing out. I trucked on through it though and never said anything. Couple hours later I was fine. The only thing I had that morning was a honey bun and apple juice. When I got home I checked the apple juice. It expired August 7. It was September 25. That probably did it. It tasted fine though and I didn't look at the date before drinking it. I guess expiration dates sometimes are more than just suggestions.
Wednesday doesn't end there. I get home from the hospital my mom tells me we're down to 2 cars. Daddy's truck broke down. Four person household with very different schedules now down to 2 working vehicles.
But wait, Wednesday still is not over! I get home from babysitting that night and I'm sitting on my bed doing work. It's 11 something. I see a mouse dart out from under my dresser then dart back under. I go tell my mom. She says it's probably the same one that was in Annie's room earlier. She tells me mice don't climb so it won't bother me. I go back to my room. The first thing I think is "Hickory dickory dock, the mouse ran up the clock." I kept hearing it when turned off the light and I could tell where it was. There are papers and all my school stuff right by my bed. It was there. It was under my desk, also right by my bed. It was under the dresser. It was on the plates in front of the chest of drawers. It was everywhere. I got 2 hours of sleep that night.
At this point what else could happen. It's gotten to the point where it's all just laughable. That doesn't make it any better really but it's better than Monday when I had a small breakdown right before lunch and not much had even happened yet.
Thursday I don't think there were any big things that went wrong. I got the seat at the table legs. Never fails. And the can of coke I grabbed was leaking. I guess these were just like rubbing salt in the wounds of the bad week.
Friday started out good. I took my senior pictures for the Gumbo and enjoyed talking to the photographer. I got to share briefly about some of the places I've been on mission trips and talk about the Lord. There was no Gospel presentation but I was at least able to tell him I went because that's where the Lord called me to go. He asked if I'd go to Afghanistan. Iraq. Russia. I said yes, if the Lord calls me to go there I will go. So there was some really good stuff on Friday. I actually don't want to "publicly" get into what was bad on Friday but I'll leave it at this, things were said that no one wants to hear.
And now today, Saturday. LSU lost. I thought that would be the worst thing. I come back to my room after taking a shower and what do I see? The mouse jumping off my bed! Mice don't climb she said. Looks like it'll be another sleepless night.
Sunday it began with my car still not working. Sunday night I set my alarm on my phone for 6:30am. I saw my battery was low so I plugged it in to charge overnight while I slept.
A little after 7:00am on Monday morning my mom wakes me up, "Don't you have class at 8?" "What time is it?" "A little after 7." Great. My alarm didn't just not go off, my whole phone was off. It wouldn't turn back on either. I took the battery out put it back, still wouldn't work. Left the battery out a few hours while I was in class, which didn't go so well either. Still would not work when I put it back in. Took my phone to an AT&T store in the afternoon to find out if it's just the battery or the device. From what they could tell, it's the device. $170 later I have a new phone. A windows phone. It's pretty cool but wasn't planning on dropping that kind of money on a phone any time soon and it doesn't have the same apps as Apple and Android phones, not that I had many apps to begin with. Oh and I essentially lost all my contacts. So if I didn't have someone's number in my phone from 2 phones ago (so basically anyone whose number I got this year) I no longer have. I must say the people at AT&T were very nice. They've been nice at every AT&T store I've been to, further making me glad to switch from Sprint to AT&T. C
Tuesday, my most dreaded day, was actually decent. No real complaint here. Although I did attempt to run the neighborhood when I woke up. This summer I was running 3 miles no problem. I couldn't even make it around the neighborhood, which is less than 1 mile, without walking. I'm going with the excuse that I just woken up. It probably doesn't help that I've only run maybe 2 miles total in the past 2 months.
Wednesday started out good. Then while at Promise Hospital my stomach started hurting. I'm not sure how long exactly this lasted but it was between 1 and 2 hours. It wasn't just a normal little stomach ache. It really hurt. I was nauseous and felt weak. I had a hot flash or two. I really thought there might be a possibility of me passing out. I trucked on through it though and never said anything. Couple hours later I was fine. The only thing I had that morning was a honey bun and apple juice. When I got home I checked the apple juice. It expired August 7. It was September 25. That probably did it. It tasted fine though and I didn't look at the date before drinking it. I guess expiration dates sometimes are more than just suggestions.
Wednesday doesn't end there. I get home from the hospital my mom tells me we're down to 2 cars. Daddy's truck broke down. Four person household with very different schedules now down to 2 working vehicles.
But wait, Wednesday still is not over! I get home from babysitting that night and I'm sitting on my bed doing work. It's 11 something. I see a mouse dart out from under my dresser then dart back under. I go tell my mom. She says it's probably the same one that was in Annie's room earlier. She tells me mice don't climb so it won't bother me. I go back to my room. The first thing I think is "Hickory dickory dock, the mouse ran up the clock." I kept hearing it when turned off the light and I could tell where it was. There are papers and all my school stuff right by my bed. It was there. It was under my desk, also right by my bed. It was under the dresser. It was on the plates in front of the chest of drawers. It was everywhere. I got 2 hours of sleep that night.
At this point what else could happen. It's gotten to the point where it's all just laughable. That doesn't make it any better really but it's better than Monday when I had a small breakdown right before lunch and not much had even happened yet.
Thursday I don't think there were any big things that went wrong. I got the seat at the table legs. Never fails. And the can of coke I grabbed was leaking. I guess these were just like rubbing salt in the wounds of the bad week.
Friday started out good. I took my senior pictures for the Gumbo and enjoyed talking to the photographer. I got to share briefly about some of the places I've been on mission trips and talk about the Lord. There was no Gospel presentation but I was at least able to tell him I went because that's where the Lord called me to go. He asked if I'd go to Afghanistan. Iraq. Russia. I said yes, if the Lord calls me to go there I will go. So there was some really good stuff on Friday. I actually don't want to "publicly" get into what was bad on Friday but I'll leave it at this, things were said that no one wants to hear.
And now today, Saturday. LSU lost. I thought that would be the worst thing. I come back to my room after taking a shower and what do I see? The mouse jumping off my bed! Mice don't climb she said. Looks like it'll be another sleepless night.
Monday, September 9, 2013
Out of Control
Another delayed entry, but what else would you expect from me. I meant to complete this post in August right after the JBC college leadership retreat (Aug. 18-19). Since it's so delayed anyway, I'll delay a little bit more by beginning it with a side (and a bit unrelated) story.
As I type "out of control" I think of and hear in my mind Hoobastank's song by that title. Which reminds me of the time we sang the chorus of The Reason in worship at a youth camp back in 2004. Oh my. Out of Control was not sung in any kind of worship service, I wasn't even sure of all the words until I looked it up just a few minutes ago, but it does indeed do a pretty decent job of describing how I was feeling about a month ago.
About a month ago, earlier in the week before the retreat, I felt like I lost all control. I don't know why I felt this way. There was nothing particularly wrong or bad going on (that I recall), but I felt like I had no control over anything. I distinctly remember driving and thinking, "I have no control over my life anymore, I've lost control of my own life." I don't know how to further describe it, but it was not a comfortable feeling.
At the leadership retreat on Sunday night we gathered by the flag pole on campus and had a time of worship through music and prayer. During that time we sang From the Inside Out. If you know me, you know I'm a rather emotional person. There's a line in the song that says, "My heart and my soul, Lord I give You control." Well, as you can guess, that's the part when I broke down. The Lord knows what we need to hear, when we need to hear it.
Singing those words was like a surrender to the Lord. I'm trying to and wanting to control my life, but my life is in His hands. He has it under control. I'm brought back to that place where I can say everything is okay. No, life isn't all frolicking through fields of flowers with rainbows overhead and thoughts of unicorns and puppies (is that too much?), but that's okay. Even tonight I'm seeing how the pieces are just falling into place. The Lord is sovereign. He is in control.
There will be uncomfortable times. There will be uncertain times. The Lord doesn't call us to be comfortable or certain at all times. The Israelites wandered in the wilderness, following a cloud by day and a pillar of fire by night, uncertain of when they would reach the Promised Land. Jesus sent the disciples out telling them to bring nothing with them, no gold or silver, not even an extra tunic. Jesus himself spent 40 days in the desert fasting. He was hungry and he was tempted. These are but a few examples.
Life will get uncomfortable. It will get hard. There will be uncertainty. Above all these remember who is in control. Who created you, knows the days of your life, and has plans for you. It won't always be easy but have faith and trust in the Lord.
As I type "out of control" I think of and hear in my mind Hoobastank's song by that title. Which reminds me of the time we sang the chorus of The Reason in worship at a youth camp back in 2004. Oh my. Out of Control was not sung in any kind of worship service, I wasn't even sure of all the words until I looked it up just a few minutes ago, but it does indeed do a pretty decent job of describing how I was feeling about a month ago.
About a month ago, earlier in the week before the retreat, I felt like I lost all control. I don't know why I felt this way. There was nothing particularly wrong or bad going on (that I recall), but I felt like I had no control over anything. I distinctly remember driving and thinking, "I have no control over my life anymore, I've lost control of my own life." I don't know how to further describe it, but it was not a comfortable feeling.
At the leadership retreat on Sunday night we gathered by the flag pole on campus and had a time of worship through music and prayer. During that time we sang From the Inside Out. If you know me, you know I'm a rather emotional person. There's a line in the song that says, "My heart and my soul, Lord I give You control." Well, as you can guess, that's the part when I broke down. The Lord knows what we need to hear, when we need to hear it.
Singing those words was like a surrender to the Lord. I'm trying to and wanting to control my life, but my life is in His hands. He has it under control. I'm brought back to that place where I can say everything is okay. No, life isn't all frolicking through fields of flowers with rainbows overhead and thoughts of unicorns and puppies (is that too much?), but that's okay. Even tonight I'm seeing how the pieces are just falling into place. The Lord is sovereign. He is in control.
There will be uncomfortable times. There will be uncertain times. The Lord doesn't call us to be comfortable or certain at all times. The Israelites wandered in the wilderness, following a cloud by day and a pillar of fire by night, uncertain of when they would reach the Promised Land. Jesus sent the disciples out telling them to bring nothing with them, no gold or silver, not even an extra tunic. Jesus himself spent 40 days in the desert fasting. He was hungry and he was tempted. These are but a few examples.
Life will get uncomfortable. It will get hard. There will be uncertainty. Above all these remember who is in control. Who created you, knows the days of your life, and has plans for you. It won't always be easy but have faith and trust in the Lord.
Wednesday, August 14, 2013
I am Blessed
Last week I was at Collegiate Week in Glorieta. This was my 4th year going. In 2010 and 2012 the truth I learned while at Glorieta was life changing. I honestly don't remember much from 2011. I kind of had a lot going on that year and a lot to process while at Glorieta, having just gotten off a plane from SE Asia, going home for a few hours, and then getting in a car to drive to Glorieta. This year I do not feel like I grew much during the week.
It's a hard reality realizing not every camp, conference, etc. will be life changing or result in these deep spiritual revelations of truth. That is not to say the Lord was not at work during the week. Maybe one day looking back on the week and (the few) notes I took I will learn more from the week. The biggest thing I did take away from the week, I am blessed, came from one song that we sang one night.
On Wednesday night we sang 10,000 Reasons (Bless the Lord). The following verse is what hit me:
It's a hard reality realizing not every camp, conference, etc. will be life changing or result in these deep spiritual revelations of truth. That is not to say the Lord was not at work during the week. Maybe one day looking back on the week and (the few) notes I took I will learn more from the week. The biggest thing I did take away from the week, I am blessed, came from one song that we sang one night.
On Wednesday night we sang 10,000 Reasons (Bless the Lord). The following verse is what hit me:
And on that day when my strength is failing
The end draws near and my time has come
Still my soul will sing Your praise unending
Ten thousand years and then forevermore
With that I thought back to last year. I remembered the circumstances I was in last year when we sang that song. I spent that summer going to numerous doctor's appointments. I haven't talked much about it, but there were a couple of weeks when I knew cancer was a very real possibility. When two doctors both ask multiple times if a certain cancer runs in the family and then a procedure is done to find out what is wrong and if it is cancer, you don't have to be a genius to realize cancer is a possibility. (For clarification I do not have cancer and the problem I was having has since been taken care of and gone away). During those weeks, I let my mind go there, to the possibility of cancer and what that would mean in my life. I was okay with it. I had a peace with whatever would happen. I was even okay with death. I really let my mind go all the way to the "worst" possibility.
Then approximately December through March was a rough time for me. Again, not something I've talked too much about, at least not how rough it really was. When I have mentioned it I usually just say it was a rough time, it was hard, things were pretty crappy. I guess I tried to keep the extent of it to myself because as I was talking to a friend during the week and opening up about it she remarked that she knew I was having a tough time but didn't realize it was that bad. If she didn't know, then I doubt anybody realized how bad it was. I never sought any help, but there is no doubt in my mind I was depressed. There were weeks when I had no appetite. I didn't have interest in anything. I didn't open a textbook until about a week before midterms. Many, too many, days I just wanted to break down crying. All I wanted to do was sleep. There were little things that made my stomach turn. There were little problems but no "big" things to make me feel this way.
The past few weeks there have been moments here and there and I start feeling like I did then. I am terrified of going back to that. Since March I've been living in this fear of that happening again and I can't do that again.
Last year as I sang that song it was like a thanks to the Lord that I don't have cancer or anything seriously wrong but even if I did Lord, I will praise you. This year as I sang it I realized how blessed I am. How blessed I am that I have more years to praise Him here on this earth. I am blessed beyond what I deserve. Those fears of being depressed melted away. I hope it's not only temporary. When those feelings come back I need to remind myself, I need my friends to remind me, how blessed I am. I have nothing to fear. I have no need to be depressed. I have Christ as my Savior. He died for me. I am forgiven. One day I will spend eternity with Him.
I am blessed.
Tuesday, August 13, 2013
See Me
I see myself as:
emotional
caring
sarcastic
People call me "cute." People call me weird. People call me funny.
I get defined as quiet and skinny.
Please look beyond my volume and size.
See me.
See me. The girl who cringes at the thought of being called girly yet has taken an interest in makeup, fashion, hair, pink fingernail polish, and all things girly lately.
See me. The girl who is wants to be more mature but is stuck feeling like a child.
See me. The girl who over the past year has developed such a sense of caring that she cares too much.
See me. The girl who speaks softly and sparingly but at times is busting at the seams with things to say.
See me. The girl who is trying to live for Christ and is recognizing that that sometimes means being transparent about struggles and questions.
See me. The girl who regularly reads National Geographic magazines and Lovelyish- a style and beauty blog.
See me. The girl who acts like she isn't into chick flicks but is secretly a hopeless romantic.
See me. The girl who hates waking up early but would rather get stuff done and have classes in the morning.
See me the girl who cries and at the same times laughs at herself for crying.
See me the girl who cries and at the same times laughs at herself for crying.
See me. The girl who really wants to continue this list because it barely scratches the surface but is running out of thoughts at this latish hour.
See me.
Thank you for my Weaknesses
I had a mini come to Jesus moment this afternoon.
Thank you Lord for my weaknesses. Instead of feeling sorry for myself about my weaknesses I need to thank the Lord for them. I need to pray that He will use me through those weaknesses and that they may be beneficial to His kingdom.
My weaknesses pale in comparison to the struggles Paul went through but encouragement is found 2 Corinthians 12:7-10 Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. 8 Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. 9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 10 That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
Thank you Lord for my weaknesses. Instead of feeling sorry for myself about my weaknesses I need to thank the Lord for them. I need to pray that He will use me through those weaknesses and that they may be beneficial to His kingdom.
My weaknesses pale in comparison to the struggles Paul went through but encouragement is found 2 Corinthians 12:7-10 Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. 8 Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. 9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 10 That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
Monday, August 12, 2013
The Problem with Introversion
I am an introvert. No denying it. I didn't even know what an introvert or extrovert were until a few years ago. It wasn't until relatively recently that I actually knew anything about them other than a very basic, maybe not the most accurate, definition. In the past 6 months I feel I've been reminded of it and the fact that I am an introvert a few times too many.
After going to Glorieta I realized how much of an introvert I am. Too many times I needed to get away from people. By the time it was time to leave I was actually saying, "I need to not be around people." It was just too many people and too much noise and chaos for me. Lack of sleep probably did not help any.
So what is my problem with introverts? It a multifaceted problem but I'll try my best to break it down and explain it in two points.
Introvert.
It's a label. I don't like labels. I don't particularly like this label because it's like I can just use it as a crutch or an excuse. I feel it gets taken as a one size fits all label, that all introverts are the same in that they fit every aspect of the label. This is simply not true. It is stated in some articles I've read that it's a myth that introverts are shy. But I am often shy. Shy and introverted, double whammy! I've also read introverts are not thrill seekers or adrenaline junkies. Lies! I don't even see how that has anything to do with being an introvert or extrovert. Balls to the wall!
I've seen/read countless articles about introverts: why the world needs introverts, myths about introverts, etc. All these articles, books, TED talks are attempting to define introverts and clarify that introversion is normal and acceptable. It comes off more to me as justifying introversion. That upsets me. Why does it need to be justified? If it's so normal and acceptable though then why are all these necessary. Why do I not see the same number of articles and such on extroversion? It all makes me feel like introversion is an exception or oddity.
Introversion. I don't like it. It is who I am.
After going to Glorieta I realized how much of an introvert I am. Too many times I needed to get away from people. By the time it was time to leave I was actually saying, "I need to not be around people." It was just too many people and too much noise and chaos for me. Lack of sleep probably did not help any.
So what is my problem with introverts? It a multifaceted problem but I'll try my best to break it down and explain it in two points.
Introvert.
It's a label. I don't like labels. I don't particularly like this label because it's like I can just use it as a crutch or an excuse. I feel it gets taken as a one size fits all label, that all introverts are the same in that they fit every aspect of the label. This is simply not true. It is stated in some articles I've read that it's a myth that introverts are shy. But I am often shy. Shy and introverted, double whammy! I've also read introverts are not thrill seekers or adrenaline junkies. Lies! I don't even see how that has anything to do with being an introvert or extrovert. Balls to the wall!
I've seen/read countless articles about introverts: why the world needs introverts, myths about introverts, etc. All these articles, books, TED talks are attempting to define introverts and clarify that introversion is normal and acceptable. It comes off more to me as justifying introversion. That upsets me. Why does it need to be justified? If it's so normal and acceptable though then why are all these necessary. Why do I not see the same number of articles and such on extroversion? It all makes me feel like introversion is an exception or oddity.
Introversion. I don't like it. It is who I am.
Sunday, August 11, 2013
Year One is Done
Year one of grad school is complete! It has been for a few weeks but as per usual I am late at blogging about it. Technically during the summer we start considering ourselves 2nd years but to me it's still the end of the first year not the beginning of the second year.
The summer session has left me questioning some things. Mainly what population do I want to work with. I thought I was pretty decided on wanting to work with adults. Then I had two children clients and I really enjoyed it. I dressed up like a pirate and went on a treasure hunt, dressed like princesses (which just ight have included me putting on an old prom dress one day), played games, hopscotch, made cookies, and went skating! Working with kids can be fun. Working with adults contains a bit more structure. So the big question now is "adults or children?"
I know it doesn't have to be an either/or, and I'll actually have more opportunities with a desire and willingness to work with any age, but I guess I just wanted to find a job and just love it so much that I stay at it forever. Oh well.
I've had teachers and supervisors talk about getting excited about meeting certain researchers or people in the field. I didn't think I would ever get that interested in a person in the field. After working on the research paper and seeing the names Munroe and Derwing so much I want to meet them. They seem to be some of the leading researchers in accent and intelligibility/comprehension of non-native English speakers. I read several of their articles but there are even more I wasn't able to. SLP nerd status: achieved. Let's not talk any more about that research paper though. I'm not happy with it.
Year two of grad school will begin in 2 weeks! Ahh! I think the fall semester will be pretty relaxed though. Only 2 classes (Early Intervention and Dysphagia). 2 days I'll be at Promise Hopsital all day. I have strobe (stroboscopy) clinic which I'm pretty excited about. And the final four weeks of clinic I'll have AR (auditory rehabilitation). I need to be proactive about this semester though and not let myself get lazy because it seems to be a relatively easy one with lots of "free time."
The summer session has left me questioning some things. Mainly what population do I want to work with. I thought I was pretty decided on wanting to work with adults. Then I had two children clients and I really enjoyed it. I dressed up like a pirate and went on a treasure hunt, dressed like princesses (which just ight have included me putting on an old prom dress one day), played games, hopscotch, made cookies, and went skating! Working with kids can be fun. Working with adults contains a bit more structure. So the big question now is "adults or children?"
I know it doesn't have to be an either/or, and I'll actually have more opportunities with a desire and willingness to work with any age, but I guess I just wanted to find a job and just love it so much that I stay at it forever. Oh well.
I've had teachers and supervisors talk about getting excited about meeting certain researchers or people in the field. I didn't think I would ever get that interested in a person in the field. After working on the research paper and seeing the names Munroe and Derwing so much I want to meet them. They seem to be some of the leading researchers in accent and intelligibility/comprehension of non-native English speakers. I read several of their articles but there are even more I wasn't able to. SLP nerd status: achieved. Let's not talk any more about that research paper though. I'm not happy with it.
Year two of grad school will begin in 2 weeks! Ahh! I think the fall semester will be pretty relaxed though. Only 2 classes (Early Intervention and Dysphagia). 2 days I'll be at Promise Hopsital all day. I have strobe (stroboscopy) clinic which I'm pretty excited about. And the final four weeks of clinic I'll have AR (auditory rehabilitation). I need to be proactive about this semester though and not let myself get lazy because it seems to be a relatively easy one with lots of "free time."
Tuesday, July 2, 2013
Summer has Begun...
...and is in full swing. Actually, summer session is over halfway done already!
Only 2 more weeks left of clinic after this week. Then my research paper is due! I really need to get serious about working on it. I've started but gotten very little done. Now I'm starting to worry. Now that I've realized how freaking soon that is!
I still have moments of questioning when it comes to SLP. Then I get excited over something like discovering we now have 40,000 Selected Words in the materials room. Forget 30,000 Words, we've upgraded! I even looked into buying a copy for myself. And I got excited about a resource a supervisor gave me for /r/. I've barely begun looking at it but it looks like a gold mine, good stuff. So that helps ease some of those questions. I think now a bigger question with SLP is do I want to work with kids or adults? After my first semester I was certain I wanted to work with adults. Now I'm not so sure. I enjoy doing articulation therapy with children. I think I may even like language therapy with children if I had a different experience with it than my previous experience. The preschool is what turned me off from wanting to work with children. I'm not at all saying the Preschool was a "bad" thing. It's done lots of good for children. 3 hours at a time, twice a week, with the same child, it's just not your typical therapy situation. So now I'm questioning, children or adults? I'm even beginning to slightly consider the school system. The one place I for sure did not want to work in. I'm not too sure about it though. IEPs, CCSS, etc. Eek!
Non-school related. Finally accomplished 3 miles with no walking or stopping. I've been using the same plan I found over 2 years ago. I never got through it all until now. It actually goes by time to get you up to 30 minutes continuous. I mapped my run when I finished and it was just over 3 miles and 31 minutes and some seconds. I'm not sure where to go from here though. I strictly followed the running plan before. I don't have a plan anymore. What to do!? I'll probably run the 5k in Glorieta. That's not a plan though.
I don't think I have anything else to ramble on about at the moment. Off to making therapy plans.
Only 2 more weeks left of clinic after this week. Then my research paper is due! I really need to get serious about working on it. I've started but gotten very little done. Now I'm starting to worry. Now that I've realized how freaking soon that is!
I still have moments of questioning when it comes to SLP. Then I get excited over something like discovering we now have 40,000 Selected Words in the materials room. Forget 30,000 Words, we've upgraded! I even looked into buying a copy for myself. And I got excited about a resource a supervisor gave me for /r/. I've barely begun looking at it but it looks like a gold mine, good stuff. So that helps ease some of those questions. I think now a bigger question with SLP is do I want to work with kids or adults? After my first semester I was certain I wanted to work with adults. Now I'm not so sure. I enjoy doing articulation therapy with children. I think I may even like language therapy with children if I had a different experience with it than my previous experience. The preschool is what turned me off from wanting to work with children. I'm not at all saying the Preschool was a "bad" thing. It's done lots of good for children. 3 hours at a time, twice a week, with the same child, it's just not your typical therapy situation. So now I'm questioning, children or adults? I'm even beginning to slightly consider the school system. The one place I for sure did not want to work in. I'm not too sure about it though. IEPs, CCSS, etc. Eek!
Non-school related. Finally accomplished 3 miles with no walking or stopping. I've been using the same plan I found over 2 years ago. I never got through it all until now. It actually goes by time to get you up to 30 minutes continuous. I mapped my run when I finished and it was just over 3 miles and 31 minutes and some seconds. I'm not sure where to go from here though. I strictly followed the running plan before. I don't have a plan anymore. What to do!? I'll probably run the 5k in Glorieta. That's not a plan though.
I don't think I have anything else to ramble on about at the moment. Off to making therapy plans.
Sunday, June 23, 2013
I'm Praying for You
Last Sunday, during Sunday School, I got an idea. It's a relatively simple idea- everyday pray for a specific person.
People immediately started coming to mind. Certain dates for certain people came to mind. Later that evening I started making a list of people. Every person whose name I wrote down made me think of another person. The list continued growing. I thought I just want to pray for everybody. That reminded me of a child's prayer I once heard. "I want to pray for everyone and everybody." That's exactly how I felt. I mean, really, who shouldn't go on the list?
This idea the Lord gave me to pray specifically for a particular person each day excites me for multiple reasons. I'd be lying if I said I'm praying every day. This will help me in becoming more intentional. More intentional in my prayer life and praying everyday. More intentional with whoever I am praying for.There are people I think of often but never tell them anything, people I don't see much anymore. Simply letting them know, "Hey, I'm praying for you today," or asking them, "How have you been?" Be honest though, I'm doubtful I actually will let whoever know every day.
There really isn't a strict structure to this. Some people I'm sure I will pray for multiple times. Some days I will be praying specifically for more than one person. I have a notebook that I've listed the dates for the next year and on certain dates I already have names for some reason or another. Some days I'll just wait and see who the Lord puts on my heart to pray for that day. Other days I may just look at the list of names I started compiling and pick one.
It's been a week and I'm already seeing how the Lord is using this and teaching me. Thursday morning, as I looked to see to see if I had already written down the name of someone to pray for, I had someone in mind that I wanted to pray for that day. I was a bit disappointed when I saw I already had not one but two names written already. Praying for three would just be ridiculous. (That is sarcasm, for clarification). Later in the afternoon, I got word that one of those people I was praying for was having some physical problems. It wasn't until about another hour later that I was thinking about that person and realized this is why I am praying for them today. It was one of those times when the Lord teaches you something and just leaves you thinking, "good one, Lord, good one."
People immediately started coming to mind. Certain dates for certain people came to mind. Later that evening I started making a list of people. Every person whose name I wrote down made me think of another person. The list continued growing. I thought I just want to pray for everybody. That reminded me of a child's prayer I once heard. "I want to pray for everyone and everybody." That's exactly how I felt. I mean, really, who shouldn't go on the list?
This idea the Lord gave me to pray specifically for a particular person each day excites me for multiple reasons. I'd be lying if I said I'm praying every day. This will help me in becoming more intentional. More intentional in my prayer life and praying everyday. More intentional with whoever I am praying for.There are people I think of often but never tell them anything, people I don't see much anymore. Simply letting them know, "Hey, I'm praying for you today," or asking them, "How have you been?" Be honest though, I'm doubtful I actually will let whoever know every day.
There really isn't a strict structure to this. Some people I'm sure I will pray for multiple times. Some days I will be praying specifically for more than one person. I have a notebook that I've listed the dates for the next year and on certain dates I already have names for some reason or another. Some days I'll just wait and see who the Lord puts on my heart to pray for that day. Other days I may just look at the list of names I started compiling and pick one.
It's been a week and I'm already seeing how the Lord is using this and teaching me. Thursday morning, as I looked to see to see if I had already written down the name of someone to pray for, I had someone in mind that I wanted to pray for that day. I was a bit disappointed when I saw I already had not one but two names written already. Praying for three would just be ridiculous. (That is sarcasm, for clarification). Later in the afternoon, I got word that one of those people I was praying for was having some physical problems. It wasn't until about another hour later that I was thinking about that person and realized this is why I am praying for them today. It was one of those times when the Lord teaches you something and just leaves you thinking, "good one, Lord, good one."
Saturday, May 11, 2013
Semester 2 is Through
Boy what a semester it has been! I think back to the beginning of the semester year and remember that I was literally counting the days until a new year! As I think back on why the semester started off so bad I realize how insignificant some of those "troubles" were. There was a lot of nothing that I let hold me back and get me down.That's not to say there weren't very real things going on, but now I look back and question why I let some things have such a great effect. It was like I couldn't really control it though. What's past is past. Live and learn.
Now I look at the semester, now that I've made it to the end, and think, "wow, I've come a long way!" I have supervisors who have told me that, and that I'm a completely different person now than who I was in the beginning. I am thankful for those supervisors and realize they do care and were concerned. I don't know why I have to remind myself so many times that they are on our side. They are not out to get us.
This is the first semester that I can really look back on it, and the whole school year, and truly realize how much I've learned. Of course there is always more to learn. Being friends with a freshman who is studying communication disorders reminds me that I once in their place and now look how much I've learned over the years.
Some significant things from this semester:
Now I look at the semester, now that I've made it to the end, and think, "wow, I've come a long way!" I have supervisors who have told me that, and that I'm a completely different person now than who I was in the beginning. I am thankful for those supervisors and realize they do care and were concerned. I don't know why I have to remind myself so many times that they are on our side. They are not out to get us.
This is the first semester that I can really look back on it, and the whole school year, and truly realize how much I've learned. Of course there is always more to learn. Being friends with a freshman who is studying communication disorders reminds me that I once in their place and now look how much I've learned over the years.
Some significant things from this semester:
- I've gotten to know more of my classmates better. They are my companions for the next year still and my future colleagues but the fall semester I avoided the work room as much as possible. I'm glad to have spent more time in it this semester and spend time, even if it was always at school, with them.
- Community. I'm not sure how to explain this one. I have so many thoughts on it, but they don't all connect. Basically, we all need each other. One of my clients pretty much sung praises of how thankful and blessed he is to have me. But I needed him just as much. His patience, kindness, joy, support, encouragement. I could sing praises about him. He is part of the reason I got my act together. I knew he was counting on me, and I could not let him down. Also, at a Graduate Student Association (GSA) appreciation event I got to meet and talk with other graduate students in many other fields. We were all so different but we could still find connections. *Going off on a rabbit trail now* And something wonderful, at least in my eyes, happened then. It was a Thursday night before TNT and Yangbin was there too. He took the initiative and started inviting people to TNT and International Dinner at the BCM. As we were leaving I told him I was proud of him, the way he started just telling everybody about the BCM. He said, rather matter-of-factly, something along the lines of "it's the Gospel. Why shouldn't I?" What!? Way to go you! But I'm also thinking, wait a minute, he's not even a Christian. Well, I don't even think it was a week later he announced he accepted Christ as his Savior! Such joyous news!
I'm sure there were other significant things along the way that I am failing to think of at this moment. I've never been more glad for a semester to be over, but at least it ended on a good note.
Friday, April 12, 2013
Friend of God
I have to mention the MasterLife Bible study again. Every week there is something that really resonates with me. In the week about fellowship with other believers, it talks about friendship.
"'As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.'" John 15:9, 12-13
The Bible study says, "At the heart of friendship is the willingness to lay down one's life if necessary...Jesus laid down His life for others, and later, some of His disciples did, too."
The song I Am A Friend Of God came to mind. You know, "I am a friend of God. I am a friend of God. I am a friend of God. He calls me friend." I thought if we dare to call ourselves friends of God we must be willing to lay our life down for Him as He did for us and as His disciples did for Him.
Then on April 6, I read in the devotional My Utmost for His Highest the following: "The heart of salvation is the Cross of Christ. The reason salvation is so easy to obtain is that is cost God so much."
I love when God works everything together to really drive home a message. Between those two things and the passage of Scripture I've been memorizing, Isaiah 52:13-53:12, I am reminded of and have become increasingly grateful for the sacrifice Christ made. He took my sin and died in my place so that I may know Him and have a relationship with Him and the promise of eternity with Him.
See, my servant will act wisely,
he will be raised and lifted up and highly exalted.
Just as there were many who were appalled at him-
his appearance was so disfigured beyond that of any man
he will be raised and lifted up and highly exalted.
Just as there were many who were appalled at him-
his appearance was so disfigured beyond that of any man
and his form marred beyond human likeness-
so will he sprinkle many nations,
and kings will shut their mouths because of him.
For what they were not told, they will see,
and what they have not heard, they will understand.
Who has believed out message
and to whom has the arm of the Lord been revealed?
He grew up before him like a tender shoot,
and like a root out of dry ground.
He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to him,
nothing in his appearance that we should desire him.
He was despised and rejected by men,
a man of sorrows, and familiar with suffering.
Like one from whom men hide their faces
he was despised, and we esteemed him not.
Surely he took up our infirmities
and carried our sorrows,
yet we considered him stricken by God,
smitten by him, and afflicted.
But he was pierced for our transgressions,
he was crushed for our iniquities;
the punishment that brought us peace was upon him,
and by his wounds we are healed.
We all, like sheep have gone astray,
each of us has turned to his own way;
and the Lord has laid on him the iniquity of us all.
He was oppressed and afflicted,
yet he did not open his mouth;
he was led like a lamb to the slaughter,
and as a sheep before her shearers is silent,
so he did not open his mouth.
By oppression and judgement he was taken away.
And who can speak of his descendants?
For he was cut off from the land of the living;
for the transgression of my people he was stricken.
He was assigned a grave with the wicked,
and with the rich in his death,
though he had done no violence,
nor was any deceit in his mouth.
Yet it was the Lord's will to crush him
and cause him to suffer,
and though the Lord makes his life a guilt offering,
he will see his offspring and prolong his days,
and the will of the Lord will prosper in his hand.
After the suffering of his soul,
he will see the light of life and be satisfied;
by his knowledge my righteous servant will justify many,
and he will bear their iniquities.
Therefore I will give him a portion among the great,
and he will divide the spoils with the strong,
because he poured out his life unto death,
and was numbered with the transgressors.
For he bore the sin of many,
and made intercession for the transgressors.
Isaiah 52:13- 53:12
so will he sprinkle many nations,
and kings will shut their mouths because of him.
For what they were not told, they will see,
and what they have not heard, they will understand.
Who has believed out message
and to whom has the arm of the Lord been revealed?
He grew up before him like a tender shoot,
and like a root out of dry ground.
He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to him,
nothing in his appearance that we should desire him.
He was despised and rejected by men,
a man of sorrows, and familiar with suffering.
Like one from whom men hide their faces
he was despised, and we esteemed him not.
Surely he took up our infirmities
and carried our sorrows,
yet we considered him stricken by God,
smitten by him, and afflicted.
But he was pierced for our transgressions,
he was crushed for our iniquities;
the punishment that brought us peace was upon him,
and by his wounds we are healed.
We all, like sheep have gone astray,
each of us has turned to his own way;
and the Lord has laid on him the iniquity of us all.
He was oppressed and afflicted,
yet he did not open his mouth;
he was led like a lamb to the slaughter,
and as a sheep before her shearers is silent,
so he did not open his mouth.
By oppression and judgement he was taken away.
And who can speak of his descendants?
For he was cut off from the land of the living;
for the transgression of my people he was stricken.
He was assigned a grave with the wicked,
and with the rich in his death,
though he had done no violence,
nor was any deceit in his mouth.
Yet it was the Lord's will to crush him
and cause him to suffer,
and though the Lord makes his life a guilt offering,
he will see his offspring and prolong his days,
and the will of the Lord will prosper in his hand.
After the suffering of his soul,
he will see the light of life and be satisfied;
by his knowledge my righteous servant will justify many,
and he will bear their iniquities.
Therefore I will give him a portion among the great,
and he will divide the spoils with the strong,
because he poured out his life unto death,
and was numbered with the transgressors.
For he bore the sin of many,
and made intercession for the transgressors.
Isaiah 52:13- 53:12
A Season of Loss
The past few months have been a season of loss. Not all the losses have been death. There have been losses, or almost losses would be a more accurate description, that did not have the finality that death has.
First, there was what I thought was the loss of some friendships. Never having had real problems with friendships before I didn't know to handle this. All I knew was there were some friendships that were simply becoming exhausting. I thought I would be kind of lost without these friendships but didn't know if they were worth the toil. I'm thankful I didn't completely give up. There was prayer. I know I prayed about whether to keep working at the friendship or let it go. Things were talked out. In the end, there were no friendships lost, and I think because of everything they have been made even better. They might occasionally take a little more work, but I think that helps to keep them open and honest.
Then there have been the deaths. There was the loss at Pediatria. Then there was the loss, March 19, of a long time classmate (2nd-12th grade), Anthony. I was in class on Wednesday afternoon (March 20) and decided to take a peek at Facebook. Mistake. That's when I saw someone posted that he had passed, taken his own life. Shock. Not that there are necessarily people I would expect that from, but he is someone nobody would have expected that from. He was always a cheerful guy. In my mind he'll always be the chubby, bashful, humble guy that I knew him as for so many years. Our senior year of high school though he came back from the summer looking like a totally different guy! He didn't just lose weight but was in shape. It was incredible and hard to believe it was still him. It didn't change who he really was though. He was still the same nice guy who was voted Most Courteous (just as he was in 8th grade!).
As I wondered what good could come from Anthony's death, I began to look through my old yearbooks. Sure enough God answered my wondering. Way back in elementary school, in his yearbook photo, he was rocking a WWJD tshirt. And on his senior page he quotes Mark 9:23, "All things are possible, to him that believes." He also gives the Lord credit for taking part in who he is today, "developing my spirit in holiness, preparing for a purpose chosen by God...Loving God above all else"
When I originally began this post a few weeks ago it was because I had a strange dream. I dreamt I was talking with Anthony, and he was upset about something. Someone asked a question or made a comment, and he said his friend killed himself. I don't know how to take a dream like that. I don't read into dreams having meanings or anything but still I just don't about that one.
Death is a hard thing to deal with. While I may not have been super close to either of these people their losses still affected me. Having friends who have lost parents, I don't know how they have handled it. I can't even imagine it and pray I won't have to experience losing someone so close anytime soon. I've had enough deaths for now. Death doesn't care though and "death has no age."
I take comfort in the fact that death is not my end. Something greater awaits me, eternity with my Savior, my Holy Savior. "Holy is the cry that is even now ringing in the heavens to describe Him...He's the God whose holiness is chanted about from the Seraphim even as we speak." I'll never forget reading that in the Bible study Holy Vocabulary by Michael Kelley. As an unsung verse of my favorite hymn, It Is Well With My Soul, says, "The sky, not the grave, is our goal." If you know Christ, how can you not rejoice in that!? I know faith is about way more than warm, fuzzy feelings but I inwardly swell with joy and comfort at that fact, "the sky, not the grave, is our goal." I pray my life can echo Paul's when he said in Philippians 1:21 "For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain."
One final note, as I previously began this post I just made brief notes in it. One was that Judy, an elephant from the zoo also died recently. It's like the zoo is not complete without her. And now Bozie doesn't have her friend. Yes, I know the elephants by name. Another note I made simply said, "basketball." If anyone has any clue why I made a note of basketball in this post, please let me know.
First, there was what I thought was the loss of some friendships. Never having had real problems with friendships before I didn't know to handle this. All I knew was there were some friendships that were simply becoming exhausting. I thought I would be kind of lost without these friendships but didn't know if they were worth the toil. I'm thankful I didn't completely give up. There was prayer. I know I prayed about whether to keep working at the friendship or let it go. Things were talked out. In the end, there were no friendships lost, and I think because of everything they have been made even better. They might occasionally take a little more work, but I think that helps to keep them open and honest.
Then there have been the deaths. There was the loss at Pediatria. Then there was the loss, March 19, of a long time classmate (2nd-12th grade), Anthony. I was in class on Wednesday afternoon (March 20) and decided to take a peek at Facebook. Mistake. That's when I saw someone posted that he had passed, taken his own life. Shock. Not that there are necessarily people I would expect that from, but he is someone nobody would have expected that from. He was always a cheerful guy. In my mind he'll always be the chubby, bashful, humble guy that I knew him as for so many years. Our senior year of high school though he came back from the summer looking like a totally different guy! He didn't just lose weight but was in shape. It was incredible and hard to believe it was still him. It didn't change who he really was though. He was still the same nice guy who was voted Most Courteous (just as he was in 8th grade!).
As I wondered what good could come from Anthony's death, I began to look through my old yearbooks. Sure enough God answered my wondering. Way back in elementary school, in his yearbook photo, he was rocking a WWJD tshirt. And on his senior page he quotes Mark 9:23, "All things are possible, to him that believes." He also gives the Lord credit for taking part in who he is today, "developing my spirit in holiness, preparing for a purpose chosen by God...Loving God above all else"
When I originally began this post a few weeks ago it was because I had a strange dream. I dreamt I was talking with Anthony, and he was upset about something. Someone asked a question or made a comment, and he said his friend killed himself. I don't know how to take a dream like that. I don't read into dreams having meanings or anything but still I just don't about that one.
Death is a hard thing to deal with. While I may not have been super close to either of these people their losses still affected me. Having friends who have lost parents, I don't know how they have handled it. I can't even imagine it and pray I won't have to experience losing someone so close anytime soon. I've had enough deaths for now. Death doesn't care though and "death has no age."
I take comfort in the fact that death is not my end. Something greater awaits me, eternity with my Savior, my Holy Savior. "Holy is the cry that is even now ringing in the heavens to describe Him...He's the God whose holiness is chanted about from the Seraphim even as we speak." I'll never forget reading that in the Bible study Holy Vocabulary by Michael Kelley. As an unsung verse of my favorite hymn, It Is Well With My Soul, says, "The sky, not the grave, is our goal." If you know Christ, how can you not rejoice in that!? I know faith is about way more than warm, fuzzy feelings but I inwardly swell with joy and comfort at that fact, "the sky, not the grave, is our goal." I pray my life can echo Paul's when he said in Philippians 1:21 "For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain."
One final note, as I previously began this post I just made brief notes in it. One was that Judy, an elephant from the zoo also died recently. It's like the zoo is not complete without her. And now Bozie doesn't have her friend. Yes, I know the elephants by name. Another note I made simply said, "basketball." If anyone has any clue why I made a note of basketball in this post, please let me know.
Wednesday, March 20, 2013
Opportunities: God is so Good
God has been blowing me away the past couple of weeks with the opportunities he has provided, opportunities to pray for people, invite people to get involved in church/ministries. I haven't been seeking out any of these opportunities. They've just fallen right into my lap.
The first opportunity has been a series of conversations and actually began over a month ago. I was telling a classmate a story from my weekend and mentioned CEC (College Evangelism Conference). She then asked what that was and then expressed a desire to get involved in a church. Well, I'm a little slow to act, but about 2 weeks later I sent her a message inviting her church and the BCM (Baptist Collegiate Ministry) if she was interested. About a week and a half ago before class started we were talking and she thanked me for the message. As we continued to talk about church and worship another classmate joined in. It brought so much joy to hear another classmate talking about her faith and having a personal relationship with God!
The opportunity was right there, in simply telling about my weekend. As I mentioned in a previous post, you don't have to search hard for opportunities. I'm not advocating living blindly and only waiting for the seemingly perfect opportunity to just pop up right in front of you. Yes, you should continue to seek out ways to share Christ, but be aware that many of those ways are already right there in your everyday, normal happenings. That's part of missions. Missions isn't just a trip or during holidays and breaks. Missions is a lifestyle. Missions is living for Christ and making Him known daily. Making the most of every opportunity. Let us heed what Paul said to the people at Colosse:
I don't think it wasn't something difficult the Lord was asking me to do but it shocked me. After it happened I was surprised wondering if that really just happened. If you know me, you know I don't talk much. I'm pretty quiet and reserved. I tend to give brief responses. While I was getting gas on Friday a man, Kenneth, approached me. He told me some story about his mom dying and some other stuff and asked if I could give him some money for gas. I told him I didn't have any money I could give him. Before I knew what I was saying I asked, "Kenneth, can I pray for you?" He said yes and right there at the gas station I prayed with Kenneth. Never in my life have I ever done something like that. It didn't even cross my mind until about 5 minutes later as I'm driving away how unlike me that was and that that actually just happened. I was surprised but thanked the Lord for the opportunity and for not giving me fear.
Finally (but not really because even since this another opportunity has come up), Monday I asked somebody if they would be interested in playing in BCM Bowl. I was expecting to have to really try and convince him to play. I told him about it and that it was for missions and his response was, "That's a great cause," and he'd think about it. I gave him all the information I had about it, talked about missions, and invited him to the BCM. He agreed to play! Then today, someone else who overheard me asking him about playing in the game asked about it. They know some people that might be interested.
Maybe nothing else will come out of these opportunities. I don't share all of them to brag or try and make myself seem extra righteous. I share them because they have shown me there is nothing to fear and it's not that hard. The opportunities are there. The past few days I've been absolutely giddy about how good God is and I've had God is so Good playing in my head many a times.
How many times can I say opportunity in one post?
The first opportunity has been a series of conversations and actually began over a month ago. I was telling a classmate a story from my weekend and mentioned CEC (College Evangelism Conference). She then asked what that was and then expressed a desire to get involved in a church. Well, I'm a little slow to act, but about 2 weeks later I sent her a message inviting her church and the BCM (Baptist Collegiate Ministry) if she was interested. About a week and a half ago before class started we were talking and she thanked me for the message. As we continued to talk about church and worship another classmate joined in. It brought so much joy to hear another classmate talking about her faith and having a personal relationship with God!
The opportunity was right there, in simply telling about my weekend. As I mentioned in a previous post, you don't have to search hard for opportunities. I'm not advocating living blindly and only waiting for the seemingly perfect opportunity to just pop up right in front of you. Yes, you should continue to seek out ways to share Christ, but be aware that many of those ways are already right there in your everyday, normal happenings. That's part of missions. Missions isn't just a trip or during holidays and breaks. Missions is a lifestyle. Missions is living for Christ and making Him known daily. Making the most of every opportunity. Let us heed what Paul said to the people at Colosse:
Devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful and thankful. And pray for us, too, that God may open a door for our message, so that we may proclaim the mystery of Christ, for which I am in chains. Pray that I may proclaim it clearly, as I should. Be wise in the way you act toward outsiders; make the most of every opportunity. Let your conversations be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone. Colossians 4:2-6The second opportunity brought to mind part of the MasterLife Bible study. One of the days of the study talks about praying the names of God. Here is what it says about Yahweh:
Yahweh signifies the God who is with you all the time. God used the name to reveal Himself to Moses in Exodus 3. When God said to Moses, " 'I AM WHO I AM,' " He was probably saying in effect, "Go and do what you are told, for I am with you" (see Ex. 3:14). Have you been aware of His presence when you believed that He was asking you to do something difficult?
I don't think it wasn't something difficult the Lord was asking me to do but it shocked me. After it happened I was surprised wondering if that really just happened. If you know me, you know I don't talk much. I'm pretty quiet and reserved. I tend to give brief responses. While I was getting gas on Friday a man, Kenneth, approached me. He told me some story about his mom dying and some other stuff and asked if I could give him some money for gas. I told him I didn't have any money I could give him. Before I knew what I was saying I asked, "Kenneth, can I pray for you?" He said yes and right there at the gas station I prayed with Kenneth. Never in my life have I ever done something like that. It didn't even cross my mind until about 5 minutes later as I'm driving away how unlike me that was and that that actually just happened. I was surprised but thanked the Lord for the opportunity and for not giving me fear.
Finally (but not really because even since this another opportunity has come up), Monday I asked somebody if they would be interested in playing in BCM Bowl. I was expecting to have to really try and convince him to play. I told him about it and that it was for missions and his response was, "That's a great cause," and he'd think about it. I gave him all the information I had about it, talked about missions, and invited him to the BCM. He agreed to play! Then today, someone else who overheard me asking him about playing in the game asked about it. They know some people that might be interested.
Maybe nothing else will come out of these opportunities. I don't share all of them to brag or try and make myself seem extra righteous. I share them because they have shown me there is nothing to fear and it's not that hard. The opportunities are there. The past few days I've been absolutely giddy about how good God is and I've had God is so Good playing in my head many a times.
God is so good.
God is so good.
God is so good.
He's so good to me.
God is so good.
God is so good.
He's so good to me.
How many times can I say opportunity in one post?
Monday, March 18, 2013
Jesus Walks on Water
I was a bit of a skeptic (hey, kind of like Peter!) when we told about the MasterLife Bible Study we were going to be doing this semester through the BCM. It did not grab my interest and I did not expect to get much from it. I contemplated not participating in it, but I did, and how glad I am I did! Though I do struggle to keep up with it I glean something from doing it each week.
A couple of weeks ago the passage reading was Matthew 14:22-36. I opened my Bible to it saw the heading "Jesus Walks on Water." I thought to myself, "this passage. I've read it before, many times. I know how it goes. I even know the point that some people take from it about Jesus going off by himself to pray." I did not want to read it again, there was nothing more to gain from it, so I didn't. I closed my Bible and went to bed.
The next day, as I opened my book to do the next day of the Bible study, I saw the empty page from the previous day. I told myself, whether I wanted to or not, I needed to read the passage and finish that day before going on. Before I read the passage I prayed. I prayed that I would stop being such a cynic and that the Lord would give me a deeper understanding of the passage or reveal something new to me from it.
Well, the Lord answers prayers. I read the passage and the Lord hit me with some truth. In the MasterLife Bible study when you read a passage you are supposed to answer "What God said to me:" and "What I said to God:" Here are my responses.
What God said to me:
Peter was willing to ask, to question. If you're willing to do that (to ask such questions/make such statements to the Lord) then you better be willing to hear the answers and trust the Lord, even if it is scary. Peter was willing to make the demand to the Lord, v.28 “Lord, if it’s you,” Peter replied, “tell me to come to you on the water." Then he got fearful and doubted and begun to sink. If you're going to have that boldness, you need to have just as much trust in the Lord.
What I said to God:
What am I supposed to be doing with life, preparing for the future, career? Where do you want me to go? What do you want me to do? Soften my heart to the plans You have for me.
Before I moved on to the next day in the Bible study, I looked back to see what that previous day was titled and it was "Praying for What God Wants." How appropriate!
The takeaway from all this? If you ask the Lord something, expect an answer, and be willing to trust Him and the answer He gives you.
A couple of weeks ago the passage reading was Matthew 14:22-36. I opened my Bible to it saw the heading "Jesus Walks on Water." I thought to myself, "this passage. I've read it before, many times. I know how it goes. I even know the point that some people take from it about Jesus going off by himself to pray." I did not want to read it again, there was nothing more to gain from it, so I didn't. I closed my Bible and went to bed.
The next day, as I opened my book to do the next day of the Bible study, I saw the empty page from the previous day. I told myself, whether I wanted to or not, I needed to read the passage and finish that day before going on. Before I read the passage I prayed. I prayed that I would stop being such a cynic and that the Lord would give me a deeper understanding of the passage or reveal something new to me from it.
Well, the Lord answers prayers. I read the passage and the Lord hit me with some truth. In the MasterLife Bible study when you read a passage you are supposed to answer "What God said to me:" and "What I said to God:" Here are my responses.
What God said to me:
Peter was willing to ask, to question. If you're willing to do that (to ask such questions/make such statements to the Lord) then you better be willing to hear the answers and trust the Lord, even if it is scary. Peter was willing to make the demand to the Lord, v.28 “Lord, if it’s you,” Peter replied, “tell me to come to you on the water." Then he got fearful and doubted and begun to sink. If you're going to have that boldness, you need to have just as much trust in the Lord.
What I said to God:
What am I supposed to be doing with life, preparing for the future, career? Where do you want me to go? What do you want me to do? Soften my heart to the plans You have for me.
Before I moved on to the next day in the Bible study, I looked back to see what that previous day was titled and it was "Praying for What God Wants." How appropriate!
The takeaway from all this? If you ask the Lord something, expect an answer, and be willing to trust Him and the answer He gives you.
Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:5-6
Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks, finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened. Matthew 7:7-8
Sunday, March 17, 2013
I've Got the Joy, Joy, Joy, Joy...
Down in my heart, down in my heart to stay!
I talked so much about having joy last semester and then this year hit. January and February hit me from the right and left. That joy did not stay. I let lots of things and nothing (I'm a girl, we can say things like that and it makes perfect sense) rob me of the joy I had. But, I got it back.
I am joyful again. That is not to say there are no troubles, problems, or stress, but I can see the light this time. In January and February I was in a dark place and could not see a light. I was not myself. I was a sad, lousy friend and person to be around. I have made apologies to those who I have been closest to the last semester. I hope that is something I do not have to do again because I hope that is a place I will not get to again.
As I have mentioned in previous post (I think), I worked things out with God through Bible study and lots of praying and having several other people praying for me as well. I feel like a different person now. A joyful person again. This time I really want the joy down in my heart to stay. To be honest, I kind of fear that it won't. Maybe not now or even soon, but I don't want to ever go back to where I was the past two months. I cannot live in fear of something that may or may not ever happen though. I have joy now and I choose to live in that joy.
I've got a lot to say lately. I have drafts for two posts started. One about something from the MasterLife Bible Study and one about what I mentioned in the last posts. Actually in the last post I just said it helped to make the week good, but it is about opportunities. So look out for them soon.
Also, I was thinking about this before I actually began typing the post and was going to include it and had it relating, but then I actually started typing and didn't make any good transitions into it. I still want to share it so here goes. When school started this semester I had very little interest in it. I questioned if I even wanted to do SLP anymore. Well, I'm enjoying it again. I do want to do it. I also want so serve the Lord. More than just the Colossians 3:17 or 3:23. Yes, as an SLP one day I want to honor the Lord in what I do, and even now as I study to be one, but it's more than that. I don't know how to explain it. I want to be an SLP. I want to serve the Lord. I want to serve the Lord in more than just a she's and SLP who is a Christian sort of way. I think I just said the same thing at least 3 times. I don't know how to explain it. It's just something I know but don't know how it's supposed to all work out or work together.
I talked so much about having joy last semester and then this year hit. January and February hit me from the right and left. That joy did not stay. I let lots of things and nothing (I'm a girl, we can say things like that and it makes perfect sense) rob me of the joy I had. But, I got it back.
I am joyful again. That is not to say there are no troubles, problems, or stress, but I can see the light this time. In January and February I was in a dark place and could not see a light. I was not myself. I was a sad, lousy friend and person to be around. I have made apologies to those who I have been closest to the last semester. I hope that is something I do not have to do again because I hope that is a place I will not get to again.
As I have mentioned in previous post (I think), I worked things out with God through Bible study and lots of praying and having several other people praying for me as well. I feel like a different person now. A joyful person again. This time I really want the joy down in my heart to stay. To be honest, I kind of fear that it won't. Maybe not now or even soon, but I don't want to ever go back to where I was the past two months. I cannot live in fear of something that may or may not ever happen though. I have joy now and I choose to live in that joy.
I've got a lot to say lately. I have drafts for two posts started. One about something from the MasterLife Bible Study and one about what I mentioned in the last posts. Actually in the last post I just said it helped to make the week good, but it is about opportunities. So look out for them soon.
Also, I was thinking about this before I actually began typing the post and was going to include it and had it relating, but then I actually started typing and didn't make any good transitions into it. I still want to share it so here goes. When school started this semester I had very little interest in it. I questioned if I even wanted to do SLP anymore. Well, I'm enjoying it again. I do want to do it. I also want so serve the Lord. More than just the Colossians 3:17 or 3:23. Yes, as an SLP one day I want to honor the Lord in what I do, and even now as I study to be one, but it's more than that. I don't know how to explain it. I want to be an SLP. I want to serve the Lord. I want to serve the Lord in more than just a she's and SLP who is a Christian sort of way. I think I just said the same thing at least 3 times. I don't know how to explain it. It's just something I know but don't know how it's supposed to all work out or work together.
Friday, March 15, 2013
Messy Days...
...are good days.
(This post is largely about Pediatria this week. Just giving a fair warning).
At Pediatria today and Wednesday we had messy sensory activities. They were messy, but the children enjoyed them and they were fun. Tuesday the preschool class made green goo (cornstarch and water). It was everywhere! Not only was it fun, but we got some great language from the activity. Today the preschool class followed rainbows in the building to find a pot of gold outside...a pot of gold jello. Okay, so it was more reddish orange than gold, but they couldn't care less. Their hands went straight into the pot and came out with handfuls of jello going straight in the mouth! Exploring sensory through touch and taste. Even the most hesitant child to get messy eventually explored the jello. You don't know how exciting it was to turn around and see that child with both hands in the pot carefully squeezing the jello and getting a feel for it!
We even did sensory activities with the toddlers today. We used the shaving cream in bags with dye and bottles of water with dye. They seemed to enjoy it. Now that we only have a few more weeks left, we're finally learning what works and what they like and what works best for individual children. I wish we had more time, now that we're figuring it out. Coloring sheets were pretty much like our go-to activity but now we realize how much better the sensory activities are. They may take a little more work, but it's not that much and it's not hard. I want to leave all kinds of notes for whoever has clinic there in the summer and next semester.
Besides Pediatria, it's still been a good week. Things have fallen into place with my adult clinic. On Tuesday I had 5, yes 5, stickers on my feedback, that's one more than the previous Thursday! You wouldn't think being a graduate student that stickers would be so encouraging but they are. I'm finally doing things right. I truly have pretty much had a complete turn around in that clinic from the beginning of the semester.
Other than school, I only got one run in this week. I try for three but lately have only gone twice a week and this week only once, but it was a good one. Thursday night was the BCM's first performance of Fiddler on the Roof and it was wonderful! And finally, there have been other things that have made this week good but they'll go better in another post.
(This post is largely about Pediatria this week. Just giving a fair warning).
At Pediatria today and Wednesday we had messy sensory activities. They were messy, but the children enjoyed them and they were fun. Tuesday the preschool class made green goo (cornstarch and water). It was everywhere! Not only was it fun, but we got some great language from the activity. Today the preschool class followed rainbows in the building to find a pot of gold outside...a pot of gold jello. Okay, so it was more reddish orange than gold, but they couldn't care less. Their hands went straight into the pot and came out with handfuls of jello going straight in the mouth! Exploring sensory through touch and taste. Even the most hesitant child to get messy eventually explored the jello. You don't know how exciting it was to turn around and see that child with both hands in the pot carefully squeezing the jello and getting a feel for it!
We even did sensory activities with the toddlers today. We used the shaving cream in bags with dye and bottles of water with dye. They seemed to enjoy it. Now that we only have a few more weeks left, we're finally learning what works and what they like and what works best for individual children. I wish we had more time, now that we're figuring it out. Coloring sheets were pretty much like our go-to activity but now we realize how much better the sensory activities are. They may take a little more work, but it's not that much and it's not hard. I want to leave all kinds of notes for whoever has clinic there in the summer and next semester.
Besides Pediatria, it's still been a good week. Things have fallen into place with my adult clinic. On Tuesday I had 5, yes 5, stickers on my feedback, that's one more than the previous Thursday! You wouldn't think being a graduate student that stickers would be so encouraging but they are. I'm finally doing things right. I truly have pretty much had a complete turn around in that clinic from the beginning of the semester.
Other than school, I only got one run in this week. I try for three but lately have only gone twice a week and this week only once, but it was a good one. Thursday night was the BCM's first performance of Fiddler on the Roof and it was wonderful! And finally, there have been other things that have made this week good but they'll go better in another post.
Monday, February 25, 2013
Time Flies
"Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana." That sentence is on the board in the student workroom at school. Boy has time flown! February is almost over.
I would like to say for the most part things have been looking up, but there have certainly been plenty of hurdles. I am continually having to learn to give things up to the Lord. I have spent a lot of time in prayer and know I have had other people praying for me.
So things were starting to look up. Then that weekend was CEC which was pretty good. I continued, however, being apathetic towards school, and began falling even further behind. Even so though, things overall were remaining more on the positive side, I would say.
Then the weekend of Feb. 15 was another set back. Things took a turn downward again. That was mainly all the struggling with the loss from Pediatria. Monday, I met with a professor about other stuff but just briefly was able to share how things have been going and how overwhelmed I was feeling. After that I feel like I have been getting my act together.
I still have a lot of catching up to do, but I am making progress.
In news, other than school, things seem to being getting better too. I have made friends I would not have expected to make, at least not so quickly and easily. The Lord has provided opportunities to reach out to others and invite them to get involved at the BCM or church. Seriously, He has so freely provided opportunities without even having to look for them. I think maybe sometimes we might get caught up too much in looking for opportunities to share that we miss the ones that are right there in front of us. You really don't have to look too far or hard.
Thursday night at TNT they did a throwback Thursday, 90's TNT. Oh, it was so wonderful! It was a time to laugh and have fun and praise the Lord. One of the songs we sung was Breathe. The Monday before that TNT, and possibly other days that week, as I was walking to my car this song kept coming to me so I would sing it to myself, thinking about how true it is, how truly desperate and lost I am. Then we sang it on Thursday! The Lord know what we need to hear, when we need to hear it.
Hopefully, I will stay in the Word and continue spending time with the Lord, and hopefully things will continue to look up.
I would like to say for the most part things have been looking up, but there have certainly been plenty of hurdles. I am continually having to learn to give things up to the Lord. I have spent a lot of time in prayer and know I have had other people praying for me.
28 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30At the end of January, during a break during class, my professor asked me how the semester was going. I was able to tell her I felt overwhelmed with everything and struggling to get back into the swing of things, class and clinic. The next day, there were several people in the workroom all sharing the same thoughts of just feeling kind of lost in what they were doing. That same day during clinic, my supervisor came in and walked me through something, explaining everything we were doing and why. These events made me realize two things: 1) I am not alone. Other people are struggling too, maybe not as much, maybe even more. 2) The teachers/supervisors are not out to get us. They want us to do well and they want to help.
So things were starting to look up. Then that weekend was CEC which was pretty good. I continued, however, being apathetic towards school, and began falling even further behind. Even so though, things overall were remaining more on the positive side, I would say.
Then the weekend of Feb. 15 was another set back. Things took a turn downward again. That was mainly all the struggling with the loss from Pediatria. Monday, I met with a professor about other stuff but just briefly was able to share how things have been going and how overwhelmed I was feeling. After that I feel like I have been getting my act together.
I still have a lot of catching up to do, but I am making progress.
In news, other than school, things seem to being getting better too. I have made friends I would not have expected to make, at least not so quickly and easily. The Lord has provided opportunities to reach out to others and invite them to get involved at the BCM or church. Seriously, He has so freely provided opportunities without even having to look for them. I think maybe sometimes we might get caught up too much in looking for opportunities to share that we miss the ones that are right there in front of us. You really don't have to look too far or hard.
Thursday night at TNT they did a throwback Thursday, 90's TNT. Oh, it was so wonderful! It was a time to laugh and have fun and praise the Lord. One of the songs we sung was Breathe. The Monday before that TNT, and possibly other days that week, as I was walking to my car this song kept coming to me so I would sing it to myself, thinking about how true it is, how truly desperate and lost I am. Then we sang it on Thursday! The Lord know what we need to hear, when we need to hear it.
This is the air I breathe
This is the air I breath
Your holy presence living in me
This is my daily bread
This is my daily bread
Your very word spoken to me
And I, I'm desperate for You
And I, I'm lost without YouSimilar things happened with Bible study last week. I had been neglecting my quiet time and MasterLife Bible Study. Well, when I dove back in one of the verses was Joshua 1:8. In the beginning of the year when I started getting serious about a quiet time and was doing a 30 day challenge the verses on the third day were Joshua 1:8-9. I even wrote them on a sticky note and put it on my mirror. What a reminder to stay in the Word! Meditate on it day and night.
8 Do not let this Book of the Law depart from your mouth; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful. 9 Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:8-9
Hopefully, I will stay in the Word and continue spending time with the Lord, and hopefully things will continue to look up.
Sunday, February 17, 2013
Sometimes You Just Have to Ask
Why God? Why?
Why do you allow innocent children to be born with disabilities?
This has been something I have been struggling with a little bit for the past couple of weeks, but it was made all the more prevalent and difficult on Friday.
This semester one of my clinics is at Pediatria. Pediatria, in a nutshell, is a day healthcare center for medically complex and fragile children. I just love those sweet children. Well, Friday we were told one of the babies passed away. I know I saw this baby, but I honestly do not remember them. That however, does not make it hurt any less. My heart breaks for the family.
Let us go back to when I first really started to struggle with this. At CEC (Collegieate Evangelism Conference) a couple of weeks ago one of the seminars I went to was Responding to the Problem of Evil led by Dr. Steven B. Cowan. One of the arguments is the evidential problem of evil. This next part is an excerpt directly from his handout:
There is a little voice in me that has been saying do not question God. Do not ask Him why. It has me so upset right now though and a bit angry at God. I believe it is okay to ask why and it is okay to be angry, but I need to be honest with God about it. Asking why leads to praying, crying out to God (if you know me, you know I was blessed/cursed with a sensitive soul so there has indeed been crying), and seeking answers and understanding.
This is my struggle. I do not understand now, and it may take time, but I believe in some way there has to be a greater good. I do not know this greater good, so, in the meantime I will keep seeking.
Why do you allow innocent children to be born with disabilities?
This has been something I have been struggling with a little bit for the past couple of weeks, but it was made all the more prevalent and difficult on Friday.
This semester one of my clinics is at Pediatria. Pediatria, in a nutshell, is a day healthcare center for medically complex and fragile children. I just love those sweet children. Well, Friday we were told one of the babies passed away. I know I saw this baby, but I honestly do not remember them. That however, does not make it hurt any less. My heart breaks for the family.
Let us go back to when I first really started to struggle with this. At CEC (Collegieate Evangelism Conference) a couple of weeks ago one of the seminars I went to was Responding to the Problem of Evil led by Dr. Steven B. Cowan. One of the arguments is the evidential problem of evil. This next part is an excerpt directly from his handout:
The Evidential Problem of Evil
This version of the problem alleges that God's existence incompatible with a certain kind of evil that exists, namely, with pointless or gratuitous evil- evil that God could not use to bring about a greater good.
(1) If God exists, there would be no pointless evil.
(2) There is pointless evil.
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.Well before he even began discussing it I was questioning number 2, thinking there are no pointless evils. A little farther down the handout was this:
Overturning the evidential argument from evil:
(1) If God exists, there are no pointless evils.
(2) God exists.
(3) Therefore, there are no pointless evils.Okay, so there are no pointless evils. Discussion began and some things were mentioned like the Holocaust and slavery. They were/are horrible. I am not at all happy they happened/are still happening. Somehow though, I can see there is a point in them. I cannot put into words what the point is, I am not sure I even know what the point is, but I have no problem believing there is a point. That is when I thought about the children at Pediatria. What about children born with disabilities, syndromes, diseases, etc.? What is the point in that? Innocent children being born who will never have a "normal" life. Children who will not make it to their 10th birthday, even their 5th birthday. I cannot see any point.
There is a little voice in me that has been saying do not question God. Do not ask Him why. It has me so upset right now though and a bit angry at God. I believe it is okay to ask why and it is okay to be angry, but I need to be honest with God about it. Asking why leads to praying, crying out to God (if you know me, you know I was blessed/cursed with a sensitive soul so there has indeed been crying), and seeking answers and understanding.
This is my struggle. I do not understand now, and it may take time, but I believe in some way there has to be a greater good. I do not know this greater good, so, in the meantime I will keep seeking.
Monday, February 11, 2013
A Few Quotes
I will soon (hopefully) get around to an update on life. I have lots to say. In the meantime, as I'm taking a break from school stuff, I'll try to declutter my desktop and all the post-its I have open on it. These are just quotes I've been making note of for the past several months. For most of them I can still recall who posted them, when, and where.
"Let's be the generation that closes the 10/40 window through prayer and commissioning. Pray for salvations. Give your life away. Go for the sake of the Gospel.
All Peoples, All Nations."
Cameron posted that on facebook. I actually don't recall when. I only met him once, half way around the world in SE Asia, and coincidentally we both went to South Africa in the same summer but at slightly different times. He did meet and work with people from the LSU BCM when he was in South Africa. Small world! He has such a huge heart for missions and if I'm not mistaken he has applied to be a journey man. Definitely a reminder and a challenge in his post.
"The tomb is empty. The throne is occupied."That was retweeted by Norman several months ago. Such short statements but so powerful.
"The Son of God became a man to enable men to become sons of God."
"Once in our world, a stable had something in it that was bigger than our whole world."Both C.S. Lewis quotes posted on facebook by Brett near Christmas. That's probably a prime example of you don't ever know who actually reads what you post. These just leave me humbled and in awe of God.
"Don't be afraid to let things get awkward. It means you're being real and vulnerable and creating relationships with depth."
"The right relationship won't distract you away from God, but attract you to God."
"Let's all stop concentrating on trying to find the right one and start asking God to mold us into the right one."All three are tweets or tumblr posts from Coleen York. I love reading her posts. Her post always seem to have a way of challenging and encouraging at the same time. I may hang onto what she says a little too much though. I have multiple times references something in one of her posts or shared posts with friends.
Thursday, January 3, 2013
Encouragement and Hope from the Past
I've been going back and reading some of my past posts. I kind of hate reading what I write (type), but it was not too bad. I actually was encouraged by some of the stuff I posted. Is that prideful? I think I really needed to see my post from the new year 2011. It contained Lifehouse lyrics to "Hanging by a Moment."
Desperate for changing
Starving for truth
I'm closer to where I started
Chasing after you
I'm falling even more in love with you
Letting go of all I've held onto
I'm standing here until you make me move
I'm hanging by a moment here with you
Forgetting all I'm lacking
Completely incomplete
I'll take your invitation
You take all of me now
I'm falling even more in love with you
Letting go of all I've held onto
I'm standing here until you make me move
I'm hanging by a moment here with you
I'm living for the only thing I know
I'm running and not quite sure where to go
And I don't know what I'm diving into
Just hanging by a moment here with you
There's nothing else to lose
There's nothing else to find
There's nothing in the world
That can change my mind
There is nothing else
There is nothing else
There is nothing else
Desperate for changing
Starving for truth
I'm closer to where I started
Chasing after you
I'm falling even more in love with you
Letting go of all I've held onto
I'm standing here until you make me move
I'm hanging by a moment here with you
I'm living for the only thing I know
I'm running and not quite sure where to go
And I don't know what I'm diving into
Just hanging by a moment here with you
Just hanging by a moment (here with you)
Hanging by a moment (here with you)
Hanging by a moment here with you
I pretty much just want this song to be my prayer for this year, with the you referring to the Lord. I want to let go of all the downcast thoughts and feelings I have started this year with and just give the year to the Lord. Surrender it all to Him, knowing and trusting that whatever and wherever, it is in His hands.
It is not easy. I am a human, a female, with thoughts and emotions. I cannot just block them all out, but what I can do is surrender them to the Lord. I can tell Him everything that is going on in life. I can let Him lead.
Though my life, my trials, what I am going through does not at all compare to what Christians faced in Biblical times (and what many Christians still face) and what Peter was referring to I still refer to these verses:
In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith- of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by by fire- may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory, and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving te goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls. 1 Peter 1:6-9
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
Out with the old, In with the new
I have seen many people post that they are glad 2012 is over with, good riddance. They are ready for a new year, a better year. I am coming into 2013 with rather opposite feelings. I think 2012 was a pretty darn good year, and I know I am not starting 2013 off with the most positive of emotions. Let's start with 2012 though.
2012: In Review
I began my first post college job as a personal care attendant. Though I was not particularly fond of the job, I still have to overall count it as a positive experience. It was in a way my first taste of the real world: job applications, interviews, training, two weeks notice, quitting. I quit my first post college job. Like I said, overall positive experience, learning experience, but it was not working out. It was not the job for me.
I had a summer that I initially thought was the worst summer in a while. It contained several appointments. I did not go anywhere or do anything too extraordinary. As the summer began to come to an end though I realized how much of a time it was of spiritual growth. Because of the events of the summer I began to truly understand what it means to know the peace that only the Lord gives. I have learned what it means to find your joy in the Lord. This peace and joy is something I would not trade for anything. I only wish I could truly explain the wonders and amazingness, the life-changingness, of it to everyone.
I was accepted into graduate school and completed my first semester. Like with nearly everything, it definitely had its ups and downs, but with the new perspective of what I leaned through the summer it was all okay. I made it through the semester.
Many of my friends moved away or had moved away the previous year. This, I realize, does not seem like a good thing, but because of their absence I made more friends. "Make new friends, but keep the old. One is silver, and the other is gold." I made new friends and became better friends with people I already knew. If you look at each of us individually these friendships may seem pretty random, but they are great. I cannot express how thankful I am for each of my friends, new and old, and how much I love them.
So yeah, I would say 2012 contained some good times.
2013: Let's Begin
As I am typing this it has been 2013 for about 22 hours. Not much has happened yet. I am not one for making New Year's resolutions. I usually have the basic things I want to change or add: spend time daily with the Lord and reading my Bible, run/exercise. Actually, those are the only two I can immediately think of right now. As this article, Why Your New Year's Resolutions Won't Work, basically says most of our resolutions are not just one year resolutions. They are not things we want to change and do just for this year. They are lifetime resolutions. I am not sure where I was headed with the resolutions thing and that article. It was a good read though.
I do not know if the following really has to do with resolutions or not. All I know about this new year so far is that I have begun it carrying over emotions I would have rather left behind in 2012. I am painfully aware of the jealousy and insecurities that I have been struggling with recently, and I have begun 2013 with them still raging. As much as I would like to just chuck them into the old year I cannot. They remain. It is just something to pray about and work through as I have done before. As I feel I have been saying quite a bit lately, time and prayer will bring healing.
I guess, right now, those feelings are overshadowing a positive outlook for the new year. I was reading New Year's traditions and superstitions. One was do not cry on New Year's because it will bring unhappiness for the rest of the year. No problem. I am a little upset but I am not going to cry. I guess I thought a little too hard for a little too long about those feelings though because I was caught unawares as one tear trickled down my cheek earlier tonight. Cursed tear of betrayal!
Maybe I should wrap this post up before I start rambling and really getting off topic (like talking about my guilty pleasure of new shampoo and how good my hair smells). 2013 still has 364 more days, so I cannot right it off already as a bad year. I just have some trials to work through first. Nothing time and prayer won't heal.
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