When it Rains it Pours...and then Snows

When it rains it pours. Well then it hasn't stopped raining since before the Christmas break. And apparently that rain eventually turns to snow.

Here's to 24! May it be everything 23 wasn't! I'm not actually sure what that's supposed to mean but it seemed like the right thing to say. So yeah, I had a birthday. I'm 24. That's really all I have to say about that.

I began a post a couple of weeks ago and never finished (as per usual) so I'll combine that post with this one and have seeming little cohesion between thoughts.

The week of the 12th I had my high and low point of the week within a 2 day period, really within a 24 hour period. January 12 at 3:25pm my maw-maw passed away. January 13 at 1:30pm I took and passed the Praxis for SLP.

A not so good Christmas break led into an already stressful final semester of school. Christmas break consisted of studying practically everyday for the Praxis, my dad being diagnosed with Parkinson's (educate yourself), maw-maw being hospitalized and passing. That last one's been the hardest.

At 95 years old, maw-maw lived a full life. When she passed away there was sadness, regret, and anger. Lots of anger. What's happened has happened, can't change the past, so the anger has subsided. In it's place the sadness has grown. I do find comfort in knowing she is at home with the Lord, but it's still hard knowing she isn't hear anymore. Life has changed. What will Tuesdays when I don't have school look like? What will Saturdays when I'm not working be like now? What about holidays? Tuesdays, Saturdays, and holidays will all continue to happen but Maw-maw is no longer here. As her house (which she lived in for over 70 years!) has been being cleaned out my  mom asked me multiple times what I wanted. Yeah, I have a few items, but none of them are what I really want. What I want is maw-maw. What I want is for everything to stay exactly where it is and nothing change. I can't get what I want though. What I want is impossible. Sometimes I wonder if the sadness will ever leave. It's not an overwhelming or continual thing but it hits me, usually at night when I should have gone to bed a couple of hours ago, and I just have to cry a little.

School has begun. Barely. It's been 2 1/2 weeks and I have been to 3 classes. Seminar may be the death od me. All the reading and discussing. (Side note: I write comments/questions on the articles. Last week I wrote a comment about my comment:,"punny" and this week an article left me writing "wtf" at one point. Don't judge). Discussing...that means talking, kind of a lot. So this semester already has me stressed. It comes in waves. There are moments when I think there's no way I can make it through this semester. Then I finish reading an article and I think I can do this. Only 4 more months, really not even that long.

Clinic should have started this week but "snow" prevented that. The past three days have had a winter weather advisory. School was closed Tuesday and Wednesday and EBPRSS (which my clinic schedule is following) was closed today as well because of ice.

My car went from just having a flat tire to having a bad ball joint. Then to having a dead battery. Then to nope, not the battery might be the starter. Everything is further complicated by an uncontrollable car alarm. This has been in less than a weeks time. It'd be okay if we were only down one car, but we're not. Nope, we're down 2 (Daddy's truck hasn't been working since about Thanksgiving-ish), so that means 2 working vehicles for 4 people.

What were my new year "resolutions"? Be happy. Be positive. Be kind. Looks like I've got some work to do.

I'm handling things okay though, I think. Better than last year, but let's (meaning "let me") stop comparing to last year.

The Lord has brought some new people into my life. I think the Lord brings new people into your life at just the right time, when you need it, when you need them.

This was rambly (yeah, I'm making up words too), and long, and disjointed. Nor did I say some of the things I had intended to in the original post. They need more thinking over and Biblical searching.

And...end post.

Pot Calling the Kettle Black

I'm pretty sure between my post about resolutions and my comments made on facebook I've contradicted myself. And the very "resolutions" I did make aren't just new year resolutions. The resolutions I made shouldn't be just year changes but life changes. New life resolutions. Be positive, happy, patient, kind. Those aren't things to do or change just for a year and then be done with them. A new year resolution should be something to do the year and then if you don't keep it up for the following years then no biggie. A new year resolution would be read a book a month (I wish! Once school starts, no chance). What is something I can or want to do this year. I'm not sure. Turn my computer off and unplug at least an hour before "bed time." Which is hard when I don't go to bed at a set time. Computer off by 11pm? Again though, that's something that would probably be better for more than just this year.

Classic Emily overthinking.

It's a New Year

Posts two days in a row! What!? Well, I've been doing some thinking. Actually, not that much thinking, but I have thoughts. Now I try to make them make sense in words outside of my mind.

When I didn't really have a functioning computer a few weeks ago it was great! That obviously meant less time spent wasted online. The past few days particularly I've found myself wasting so much time online. Checking the same few sites I visit and finding nothing new or interesting on them. I'm bored with them but keep going back again and again.

I've kind of started hating facebook, or at least the overshares. I mean that in multiple ways. The people who overshare and the articles that get overshared. The articles that get overshared are actually sometimes good. I share some myself. I guess my qualm with this is when conversations in the real world begin with, "Did you see/read on facebook." Okay, so that goes beyond just articles, videos, and what not. Whatever. The oversharers. The people. I've "hidden" or whatever you call it so many people because really I don't care that much about what's happening in their life. Sorry. I don't care if it's your "first group date as a married couple." So? Is that really that significant or interesting to others. I probably shouldn't be complaining about oversharers because I'm sure I do it too. Whatever. 

("Whatever" is kind of my ending point/sign of defeat/i don't care/i say it like I really don't care but really do care. You figure out which it is right now).

Also, and this one goes back to people posting on facebook (sensing a pattern here...Facebook used to be good for staying in touch...now it's just a nuisance), so many people posting about the past year and new year. In and of itself, not a bad thing. Makes sense, it is January 1 after all. What's bothering me about it is in their reflection of the past year it's all me, me, me centered. I get that they're sharing about their past year, but it's all about their accomplishments. I did this. I did that. I, I, I. Yes, take pride in your accomplishments, be proud. But there is a fine line between being proud and being prideful. Wait a minute. I just said don't be prideful, but I also said take pride. What kind of semantics game am I trying to play?! The difference is humility.

Maybe I'm just sore because I look back on 2013 and I don't see that I've accomplished much. What I do see is the Lord taught me to wait and be okay with waiting. I see friends praying for and with me to get through difficult times. I see those as my highlights of 2013.

Finally, I thought I’d have no resolutions for the new year. Why make them? I don’t keep them. But I did. They’re not too specific but things I need/want to work on. 

• Be more positive. 
• Be happy. 
• Be patient. 
• Be kind. 

Okay, one is specific. Read my Bible everyday for at least 5 minutes... and not the last five minutes before I go to bed. Be intentional in the use of those minutes. 

Now I think I shall go share this one facebook...oversharing?

The ending of...

I wanted to say "the ending of an era" but that's not true. "The ending of the year" or "the ending of 2013" just doesn't sound as cool. I could have said "2013 it's finally over!" Last year I was the one saying I didn't understand why people were saying good riddance to 2012 and so ready for the new year. I enjoyed 2012. Well, this year it is I loudly declaring, "Good riddance 2013!"

I'm ready for 2014. I think subconsciously I'm even more ready for 2014 than I realize. A couple weeks a go I was writing checks and wrote the year as 14. Oops. Haha!

So now is the point where I'm supposed to reflect back on 2013 but I'd rather not. Instead of reflecting I tend to only single out the bad moments (or months) and ruminate on them. What's past is past. Let's leave it there and try to move on. For clarification, that's not to say there were no good moments at all in 2013. It's just that it seems the bad outweighed the good and I'm ready for a new year.

It's weird to think in many places, actually by now over half the world, is already in 2014. Our world right now is living in 2 different years! Crazy.

Learning to Wait

There's something I've been thinking about for a quite a while now, and the past week or so has been no exception. If anything I've been thinking about it more. I feel like I'm in this state of transition, and I feel like I have been in this state for a while. Here's the thing, I know the areas in life and the things I have been thinking about during this time, but I don't know exactly what it is I'm transitioning into or what I'm transitioning from for that matter. Nor do I know how long this transition is going to last. And I'm okay with that.

Over the past week I read Psalm 27:14 and really took it to heart, and then yesterday while looking for something else completely unrelated I came across a song I had forgotten about, While I'm Waiting. 

"Wait for the LORD, be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD." Psalm 27:14 

So there's kind of a lot of uncertainty floating around. I don't know what is going to happen or when. But like the song says, I am hopeful, and I am peaceful. I wait patiently and faithfully. "I will move ahead, bold and confident, taking every step in obedience. While I'm waiting, I will serve You." Those words just ring so true right now. There are things I wish I could know now, but at the same time I am okay with not knowing. I really am peaceful and hopeful about the future. 

In this time it's like I'm in the middle of something, I don't know what, I guess just a stage in life, and I'm not going forward but I'm not going backward either. I'm waiting, trusting, and growing in faith. I don't know how long this transition will continue. So I wait. And right now I'm okay with the waiting. 

And now that I've got that rambling out, here's a brief update on life since it's been 2 months since I last posted anything. Clinics have been over for a week now and I'm just 1 case study, 1 project, 2 presentations, and 2 finals away from finishing the semester.

It has been a truly great semester. I did't realize until a few weeks ago that this is probably the first semester where there wasn't constant stress. Therapy plans, reports, clinics, classes, assignments, tests. That's what the previous semesters, being on campus for clinic, have looked like. This semester I was off campus at Promise Hospital, and I loved it! I could rave on about how much I enjoyed it and how much I learned. My supervisor there was just wonderful. It was the first time I was sorry to see a clinic end. My supervisor and I did make it into an ad in the NSSLHA (National Student Speech Language Hearing Association, yeah it's a mouthful, that's why we go with the abbreviation pronounced "nish-luh") newsletter. 

The completely unrelated thing I was looking for when I came across the song was this video. Enjoy.