"What do you like to do?" The question that started it all.
Recently a friend asked me a couple of questions that I wasn't able to accurately answer. Questions I went home and thought about. And then thought some more. Maybe too much.
One of those questions was, "what do you like to do?" What do I like to do? I actually made a list of things I like to do. Though it might be more accurate to say things I used to like to do. It wasn't a long list, yet most of the things on it I hadn't done in quite a while. For some of them it had been years. School was partly to blame, but it couldn't take the full blame. I'm done with it now. So why wasn't I doing any of those things? What was I doing instead?
I'll tell you what I was doing. (Among very few other things) I was aimlessly scrolling though Facebook. Wasting time. Seeing what "friends" were up to. Then another question to get me thinking. Why am I "friends" with this many people?
There are so many answers to that question, and some of the answers are quite stupid. Thus the friend purge began. With every friend deleted it was like getting rid of excess baggage. It was a relief. Some people I was friends with because I wanted them to see me and my life. How I've changed, my accomplishments, etc. Prideful much? But then I realized I never talk to this person. I never look at their page and see what's happening in their life. Why would they care about me? Bye bye friends. Then there were the people whose page I would visit and only leave with jealousy. So, I'm friend with somebody because I'm jealous of them, their life, their beauty, their happenings. That makes NO sense. There went some more friends. There were people I don't know how or why we became friends and I really don't care about them or what's happening in their life. Don't get me wrong, some of these people are great people, and I hope everything goes well for them in life, but face it I haven't talked to them or them to me (except maybe a happy birthday that they only know of because Facebook told them) and I have no plans of talking to them. Bye friends. These are just a few answers. There are also the many reasons why I actually am friends and remain friends with so many people.
All this ranting and raving to say I now spend less time on Facebook and more time doing what I like to do. I don't find my worth in notifications and likes. Could I still spend even less time? Could I still get rid of more "friends?" Yes and yes. But this is a start.
What do I like to do? I like to read. Write. Cross-stitch (I'm an old lady at heart). Bake. Bike (which is a quite a bit easier and more enjoyable when your bike is fixed and put together correctly). Attempt to sew (the last attempt took a small chunk out of my finger). Learn (National Geographic is my choice for beach read material and I'm teaching myself all the countries, their locations, languages, flags and religions just because I want to know). I like this. This is me.
Saturday, July 26, 2014
Monday, April 14, 2014
God's Not Dead but...
Warning: Contains major spoilers from the movie God's Not Dead.
Seriously I'm going to to fast forward and give the cliff note version, skipping pretty much right to the end of the movie.
This is your last chance to avoid spoilers. You've been warned.
Josh Wheaton, a Christian student challenged by his atheist professor, Professor Radisson, gives all his evidence for the existence of God. Professor Radisson admits he hates God because his mother died from cancer when he was 12, and God did not save her. Later he reads a note his mom wrote him. Change of heart happening. He calls his girlfriend/ex-girlfriend, a Christian. Presumably to say something along the lines of, "hey, maybe I was wrong. Maybe this God of yours does exist. Tell me more." She doesn't answer. He goes to find her. Cue the car. Bam! While crossing the street he gets hit by the car and dies. In the minute before he dies, while he is lying in the road, the pastor is conveniently there and asks him if he knows Christ. Professor Radisson then gives his life to Christ and dies. He dies!
Great. He's saved. Happy ending. Right?
No!
God's not dead but Professor Radisson is.
Am I the only one sorely upset with the ending? Of the reviews I've read and skimmed none of them have mentioned the ending in this way. If you haven't quite caught on yet I have a slight problem with Professor Radisson dying in the end. (Yes, I realize it's just a movie so I may be looking too far in to it).
Professor Radisson makes a deathbed decision to accept Christ. I am not knocking his decision and saying it's not a genuine decision. It was clear he was on his way towards that decision anyway. Getting hit by a car just kind of sped things up. The way I see it, his deathbed decision was a relatively easy decision. Had he lived he would be faced with actually living out a Christian life. This would be a much greater challenge. His friends and colleagues were atheists. They mocked the idea of believeing in a God. His whole class was taught on the premise that God is dead.
Therefore, having given his life to Christ, if he lived, you would expect a change of character. I mean he would have to change the whole way he teaches his class. Living a Christian life among his colleagues and friends would certainly not be easy. It's safe to assume he would essentially be mocked and persecuted among his colleagues and friends. He would be faced with the choice of standing for Christ or denying Christ.
Christians are not guaranteed an easy life. There will be pain, insults, suffering (Matthew 5:11, James 1:2-4, 1 Peter 1:6-7, 1 Peter 3:15-17, 1 Peter 4:12-16). Professor Radisson I'm sure would have faced insults and mocking from his colleagues. He pretty much had a Saul to Paul conversion. Professor Radisson persecuted those who were Christians both in his class and life and tried to destroy their belief in God. Saul persecuted the church of God and tried to destroy it.
So they would have been kind of alike, except Professor Radisson died and didn't get to show a transformed life. His colleagues I'm sure would hear about the decision he made while dying, but having known him as they did, as one who persecuted Christians, would they really even believe it was true? Would they believe someone like him, who hated God, had really given his life to Christ? It's not that it's an impossible thing to believe, but he's not around anymore for them to truly see the change in his life. Their lives would then probably remain unchanged.
In conclusion, I think Professor Radisson should have lived.
Seriously I'm going to to fast forward and give the cliff note version, skipping pretty much right to the end of the movie.
This is your last chance to avoid spoilers. You've been warned.
Josh Wheaton, a Christian student challenged by his atheist professor, Professor Radisson, gives all his evidence for the existence of God. Professor Radisson admits he hates God because his mother died from cancer when he was 12, and God did not save her. Later he reads a note his mom wrote him. Change of heart happening. He calls his girlfriend/ex-girlfriend, a Christian. Presumably to say something along the lines of, "hey, maybe I was wrong. Maybe this God of yours does exist. Tell me more." She doesn't answer. He goes to find her. Cue the car. Bam! While crossing the street he gets hit by the car and dies. In the minute before he dies, while he is lying in the road, the pastor is conveniently there and asks him if he knows Christ. Professor Radisson then gives his life to Christ and dies. He dies!
Great. He's saved. Happy ending. Right?
No!
God's not dead but Professor Radisson is.
Am I the only one sorely upset with the ending? Of the reviews I've read and skimmed none of them have mentioned the ending in this way. If you haven't quite caught on yet I have a slight problem with Professor Radisson dying in the end. (Yes, I realize it's just a movie so I may be looking too far in to it).
Professor Radisson makes a deathbed decision to accept Christ. I am not knocking his decision and saying it's not a genuine decision. It was clear he was on his way towards that decision anyway. Getting hit by a car just kind of sped things up. The way I see it, his deathbed decision was a relatively easy decision. Had he lived he would be faced with actually living out a Christian life. This would be a much greater challenge. His friends and colleagues were atheists. They mocked the idea of believeing in a God. His whole class was taught on the premise that God is dead.
Therefore, having given his life to Christ, if he lived, you would expect a change of character. I mean he would have to change the whole way he teaches his class. Living a Christian life among his colleagues and friends would certainly not be easy. It's safe to assume he would essentially be mocked and persecuted among his colleagues and friends. He would be faced with the choice of standing for Christ or denying Christ.
Christians are not guaranteed an easy life. There will be pain, insults, suffering (Matthew 5:11, James 1:2-4, 1 Peter 1:6-7, 1 Peter 3:15-17, 1 Peter 4:12-16). Professor Radisson I'm sure would have faced insults and mocking from his colleagues. He pretty much had a Saul to Paul conversion. Professor Radisson persecuted those who were Christians both in his class and life and tried to destroy their belief in God. Saul persecuted the church of God and tried to destroy it.
So they would have been kind of alike, except Professor Radisson died and didn't get to show a transformed life. His colleagues I'm sure would hear about the decision he made while dying, but having known him as they did, as one who persecuted Christians, would they really even believe it was true? Would they believe someone like him, who hated God, had really given his life to Christ? It's not that it's an impossible thing to believe, but he's not around anymore for them to truly see the change in his life. Their lives would then probably remain unchanged.
In conclusion, I think Professor Radisson should have lived.
Friday, February 28, 2014
Life Lately
Stress. Stress. Stress. And some more stress.
What does all this stress do to an individual? Well, I haven't slept well in weeks. Headaches, there have been a few. Upset stomachs? Some of those too. A couple of weeks ago I was the nearest I've ever been to having an anxiety attack, my breathing was getting pretty shallow. And as of last night you can add nose bleed. I used to take Valerian root some nights when I knew I couldn't get my mind to shut down. Now I take it day and night to help stay calm.
It's all really just from one class, seminar, and the paper for it. One of the two papers that determine if I graduate. I'm trying but I guess my efforts just aren't showing. And I'm just going to end that here.
This week made 10 years since I accepted Christ. It's great to be able to look back and see how much I've grown spiritually since 8th grade. That's what I needed now. A reminder to continue seeking the Lord and trust in Him.
What does all this stress do to an individual? Well, I haven't slept well in weeks. Headaches, there have been a few. Upset stomachs? Some of those too. A couple of weeks ago I was the nearest I've ever been to having an anxiety attack, my breathing was getting pretty shallow. And as of last night you can add nose bleed. I used to take Valerian root some nights when I knew I couldn't get my mind to shut down. Now I take it day and night to help stay calm.
It's all really just from one class, seminar, and the paper for it. One of the two papers that determine if I graduate. I'm trying but I guess my efforts just aren't showing. And I'm just going to end that here.
This week made 10 years since I accepted Christ. It's great to be able to look back and see how much I've grown spiritually since 8th grade. That's what I needed now. A reminder to continue seeking the Lord and trust in Him.
Thursday, January 30, 2014
When it Rains it Pours...and then Snows
When it rains it pours. Well then it hasn't stopped raining since before the Christmas break. And apparently that rain eventually turns to snow.
Here's to 24! May it be everything 23 wasn't! I'm not actually sure what that's supposed to mean but it seemed like the right thing to say. So yeah, I had a birthday. I'm 24. That's really all I have to say about that.
I began a post a couple of weeks ago and never finished (as per usual) so I'll combine that post with this one and have seeming little cohesion between thoughts.
The week of the 12th I had my high and low point of the week within a 2 day period, really within a 24 hour period. January 12 at 3:25pm my maw-maw passed away. January 13 at 1:30pm I took and passed the Praxis for SLP.
A not so good Christmas break led into an already stressful final semester of school. Christmas break consisted of studying practically everyday for the Praxis, my dad being diagnosed with Parkinson's (educate yourself), maw-maw being hospitalized and passing. That last one's been the hardest.
At 95 years old, maw-maw lived a full life. When she passed away there was sadness, regret, and anger. Lots of anger. What's happened has happened, can't change the past, so the anger has subsided. In it's place the sadness has grown. I do find comfort in knowing she is at home with the Lord, but it's still hard knowing she isn't hear anymore. Life has changed. What will Tuesdays when I don't have school look like? What will Saturdays when I'm not working be like now? What about holidays? Tuesdays, Saturdays, and holidays will all continue to happen but Maw-maw is no longer here. As her house (which she lived in for over 70 years!) has been being cleaned out my mom asked me multiple times what I wanted. Yeah, I have a few items, but none of them are what I really want. What I want is maw-maw. What I want is for everything to stay exactly where it is and nothing change. I can't get what I want though. What I want is impossible. Sometimes I wonder if the sadness will ever leave. It's not an overwhelming or continual thing but it hits me, usually at night when I should have gone to bed a couple of hours ago, and I just have to cry a little.
School has begun. Barely. It's been 2 1/2 weeks and I have been to 3 classes. Seminar may be the death od me. All the reading and discussing. (Side note: I write comments/questions on the articles. Last week I wrote a comment about my comment:,"punny" and this week an article left me writing "wtf" at one point. Don't judge). Discussing...that means talking, kind of a lot. So this semester already has me stressed. It comes in waves. There are moments when I think there's no way I can make it through this semester. Then I finish reading an article and I think I can do this. Only 4 more months, really not even that long.
Clinic should have started this week but "snow" prevented that. The past three days have had a winter weather advisory. School was closed Tuesday and Wednesday and EBPRSS (which my clinic schedule is following) was closed today as well because of ice.
My car went from just having a flat tire to having a bad ball joint. Then to having a dead battery. Then to nope, not the battery might be the starter. Everything is further complicated by an uncontrollable car alarm. This has been in less than a weeks time. It'd be okay if we were only down one car, but we're not. Nope, we're down 2 (Daddy's truck hasn't been working since about Thanksgiving-ish), so that means 2 working vehicles for 4 people.
What were my new year "resolutions"? Be happy. Be positive. Be kind. Looks like I've got some work to do.
I'm handling things okay though, I think. Better than last year, but let's (meaning "let me") stop comparing to last year.
The Lord has brought some new people into my life. I think the Lord brings new people into your life at just the right time, when you need it, when you need them.
This was rambly (yeah, I'm making up words too), and long, and disjointed. Nor did I say some of the things I had intended to in the original post. They need more thinking over and Biblical searching.
And...end post.
Here's to 24! May it be everything 23 wasn't! I'm not actually sure what that's supposed to mean but it seemed like the right thing to say. So yeah, I had a birthday. I'm 24. That's really all I have to say about that.
I began a post a couple of weeks ago and never finished (as per usual) so I'll combine that post with this one and have seeming little cohesion between thoughts.
The week of the 12th I had my high and low point of the week within a 2 day period, really within a 24 hour period. January 12 at 3:25pm my maw-maw passed away. January 13 at 1:30pm I took and passed the Praxis for SLP.
A not so good Christmas break led into an already stressful final semester of school. Christmas break consisted of studying practically everyday for the Praxis, my dad being diagnosed with Parkinson's (educate yourself), maw-maw being hospitalized and passing. That last one's been the hardest.
At 95 years old, maw-maw lived a full life. When she passed away there was sadness, regret, and anger. Lots of anger. What's happened has happened, can't change the past, so the anger has subsided. In it's place the sadness has grown. I do find comfort in knowing she is at home with the Lord, but it's still hard knowing she isn't hear anymore. Life has changed. What will Tuesdays when I don't have school look like? What will Saturdays when I'm not working be like now? What about holidays? Tuesdays, Saturdays, and holidays will all continue to happen but Maw-maw is no longer here. As her house (which she lived in for over 70 years!) has been being cleaned out my mom asked me multiple times what I wanted. Yeah, I have a few items, but none of them are what I really want. What I want is maw-maw. What I want is for everything to stay exactly where it is and nothing change. I can't get what I want though. What I want is impossible. Sometimes I wonder if the sadness will ever leave. It's not an overwhelming or continual thing but it hits me, usually at night when I should have gone to bed a couple of hours ago, and I just have to cry a little.
School has begun. Barely. It's been 2 1/2 weeks and I have been to 3 classes. Seminar may be the death od me. All the reading and discussing. (Side note: I write comments/questions on the articles. Last week I wrote a comment about my comment:,"punny" and this week an article left me writing "wtf" at one point. Don't judge). Discussing...that means talking, kind of a lot. So this semester already has me stressed. It comes in waves. There are moments when I think there's no way I can make it through this semester. Then I finish reading an article and I think I can do this. Only 4 more months, really not even that long.
Clinic should have started this week but "snow" prevented that. The past three days have had a winter weather advisory. School was closed Tuesday and Wednesday and EBPRSS (which my clinic schedule is following) was closed today as well because of ice.
My car went from just having a flat tire to having a bad ball joint. Then to having a dead battery. Then to nope, not the battery might be the starter. Everything is further complicated by an uncontrollable car alarm. This has been in less than a weeks time. It'd be okay if we were only down one car, but we're not. Nope, we're down 2 (Daddy's truck hasn't been working since about Thanksgiving-ish), so that means 2 working vehicles for 4 people.
What were my new year "resolutions"? Be happy. Be positive. Be kind. Looks like I've got some work to do.
I'm handling things okay though, I think. Better than last year, but let's (meaning "let me") stop comparing to last year.
The Lord has brought some new people into my life. I think the Lord brings new people into your life at just the right time, when you need it, when you need them.
This was rambly (yeah, I'm making up words too), and long, and disjointed. Nor did I say some of the things I had intended to in the original post. They need more thinking over and Biblical searching.
And...end post.
Friday, January 3, 2014
Pot Calling the Kettle Black
I'm pretty sure between my post about resolutions and my comments made on facebook I've contradicted myself. And the very "resolutions" I did make aren't just new year resolutions. The resolutions I made shouldn't be just year changes but life changes. New life resolutions. Be positive, happy, patient, kind. Those aren't things to do or change just for a year and then be done with them. A new year resolution should be something to do the year and then if you don't keep it up for the following years then no biggie. A new year resolution would be read a book a month (I wish! Once school starts, no chance). What is something I can or want to do this year. I'm not sure. Turn my computer off and unplug at least an hour before "bed time." Which is hard when I don't go to bed at a set time. Computer off by 11pm? Again though, that's something that would probably be better for more than just this year.
Classic Emily overthinking.
Classic Emily overthinking.
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