It's a New Year

Posts two days in a row! What!? Well, I've been doing some thinking. Actually, not that much thinking, but I have thoughts. Now I try to make them make sense in words outside of my mind.

When I didn't really have a functioning computer a few weeks ago it was great! That obviously meant less time spent wasted online. The past few days particularly I've found myself wasting so much time online. Checking the same few sites I visit and finding nothing new or interesting on them. I'm bored with them but keep going back again and again.

I've kind of started hating facebook, or at least the overshares. I mean that in multiple ways. The people who overshare and the articles that get overshared. The articles that get overshared are actually sometimes good. I share some myself. I guess my qualm with this is when conversations in the real world begin with, "Did you see/read on facebook." Okay, so that goes beyond just articles, videos, and what not. Whatever. The oversharers. The people. I've "hidden" or whatever you call it so many people because really I don't care that much about what's happening in their life. Sorry. I don't care if it's your "first group date as a married couple." So? Is that really that significant or interesting to others. I probably shouldn't be complaining about oversharers because I'm sure I do it too. Whatever. 

("Whatever" is kind of my ending point/sign of defeat/i don't care/i say it like I really don't care but really do care. You figure out which it is right now).

Also, and this one goes back to people posting on facebook (sensing a pattern here...Facebook used to be good for staying in touch...now it's just a nuisance), so many people posting about the past year and new year. In and of itself, not a bad thing. Makes sense, it is January 1 after all. What's bothering me about it is in their reflection of the past year it's all me, me, me centered. I get that they're sharing about their past year, but it's all about their accomplishments. I did this. I did that. I, I, I. Yes, take pride in your accomplishments, be proud. But there is a fine line between being proud and being prideful. Wait a minute. I just said don't be prideful, but I also said take pride. What kind of semantics game am I trying to play?! The difference is humility.

Maybe I'm just sore because I look back on 2013 and I don't see that I've accomplished much. What I do see is the Lord taught me to wait and be okay with waiting. I see friends praying for and with me to get through difficult times. I see those as my highlights of 2013.

Finally, I thought I’d have no resolutions for the new year. Why make them? I don’t keep them. But I did. They’re not too specific but things I need/want to work on. 

• Be more positive. 
• Be happy. 
• Be patient. 
• Be kind. 

Okay, one is specific. Read my Bible everyday for at least 5 minutes... and not the last five minutes before I go to bed. Be intentional in the use of those minutes. 

Now I think I shall go share this one facebook...oversharing?

The ending of...

I wanted to say "the ending of an era" but that's not true. "The ending of the year" or "the ending of 2013" just doesn't sound as cool. I could have said "2013 it's finally over!" Last year I was the one saying I didn't understand why people were saying good riddance to 2012 and so ready for the new year. I enjoyed 2012. Well, this year it is I loudly declaring, "Good riddance 2013!"

I'm ready for 2014. I think subconsciously I'm even more ready for 2014 than I realize. A couple weeks a go I was writing checks and wrote the year as 14. Oops. Haha!

So now is the point where I'm supposed to reflect back on 2013 but I'd rather not. Instead of reflecting I tend to only single out the bad moments (or months) and ruminate on them. What's past is past. Let's leave it there and try to move on. For clarification, that's not to say there were no good moments at all in 2013. It's just that it seems the bad outweighed the good and I'm ready for a new year.

It's weird to think in many places, actually by now over half the world, is already in 2014. Our world right now is living in 2 different years! Crazy.

Learning to Wait

There's something I've been thinking about for a quite a while now, and the past week or so has been no exception. If anything I've been thinking about it more. I feel like I'm in this state of transition, and I feel like I have been in this state for a while. Here's the thing, I know the areas in life and the things I have been thinking about during this time, but I don't know exactly what it is I'm transitioning into or what I'm transitioning from for that matter. Nor do I know how long this transition is going to last. And I'm okay with that.

Over the past week I read Psalm 27:14 and really took it to heart, and then yesterday while looking for something else completely unrelated I came across a song I had forgotten about, While I'm Waiting. 

"Wait for the LORD, be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD." Psalm 27:14 

So there's kind of a lot of uncertainty floating around. I don't know what is going to happen or when. But like the song says, I am hopeful, and I am peaceful. I wait patiently and faithfully. "I will move ahead, bold and confident, taking every step in obedience. While I'm waiting, I will serve You." Those words just ring so true right now. There are things I wish I could know now, but at the same time I am okay with not knowing. I really am peaceful and hopeful about the future. 

In this time it's like I'm in the middle of something, I don't know what, I guess just a stage in life, and I'm not going forward but I'm not going backward either. I'm waiting, trusting, and growing in faith. I don't know how long this transition will continue. So I wait. And right now I'm okay with the waiting. 

And now that I've got that rambling out, here's a brief update on life since it's been 2 months since I last posted anything. Clinics have been over for a week now and I'm just 1 case study, 1 project, 2 presentations, and 2 finals away from finishing the semester.

It has been a truly great semester. I did't realize until a few weeks ago that this is probably the first semester where there wasn't constant stress. Therapy plans, reports, clinics, classes, assignments, tests. That's what the previous semesters, being on campus for clinic, have looked like. This semester I was off campus at Promise Hospital, and I loved it! I could rave on about how much I enjoyed it and how much I learned. My supervisor there was just wonderful. It was the first time I was sorry to see a clinic end. My supervisor and I did make it into an ad in the NSSLHA (National Student Speech Language Hearing Association, yeah it's a mouthful, that's why we go with the abbreviation pronounced "nish-luh") newsletter. 

The completely unrelated thing I was looking for when I came across the song was this video. Enjoy. 

This Week is Against Me

This week has been and still is absolutely against me.

Sunday it began with my car still not working. Sunday night I set my alarm on my phone for 6:30am. I saw my battery was low so I plugged it in to charge overnight while I slept.

A little after 7:00am on Monday morning my mom wakes me up, "Don't you have class at 8?" "What time is it?" "A little after 7." Great. My alarm didn't just not go off, my whole phone was off. It wouldn't turn back on either. I took the battery out put it back, still wouldn't work. Left the battery out a few hours while I was in class, which didn't go so well either. Still would not work when I put it back in. Took my phone to an AT&T store in the afternoon to find out if it's just the battery or the device. From what they could tell, it's the device. $170 later I have a new phone. A windows phone. It's pretty cool but wasn't planning on dropping that kind of money on a phone any time soon and it doesn't have the same apps as Apple and Android phones, not that I had many apps to begin with. Oh and I essentially lost all my contacts. So if I didn't have someone's number in my phone from 2 phones ago (so basically anyone whose number I got this year) I no longer have. I must say the people at AT&T were very nice. They've been nice at every AT&T store I've been to, further making me glad to switch from Sprint to AT&T. C

Tuesday, my most dreaded day, was actually decent. No real complaint here. Although I did attempt to run the neighborhood when I woke up. This summer I was running 3 miles no problem. I couldn't even make it around the neighborhood, which is less than 1 mile, without walking. I'm going with the excuse that I just woken up. It probably doesn't help that I've only run maybe 2 miles total in the past 2 months.

Wednesday started out good. Then while at Promise Hospital my stomach started hurting. I'm not sure how long exactly this lasted but it was between 1 and 2 hours. It wasn't just a normal little stomach ache. It really hurt. I was nauseous and felt weak. I had a hot flash or two. I really thought there might be a possibility of me passing out. I trucked on through it though and never said anything. Couple hours later I was fine. The only thing I had that morning was a honey bun and apple juice. When I got home I checked the apple juice. It expired August 7. It was September 25. That probably did it. It tasted fine though and I didn't look at the date before drinking it. I guess expiration dates sometimes are more than just suggestions.

Wednesday doesn't end there. I get home from the hospital my mom tells me we're down to 2 cars. Daddy's truck broke down. Four person household with very different schedules now down to 2 working vehicles.

But wait, Wednesday still is not over! I get home from babysitting that night and I'm sitting on my bed doing work. It's 11 something. I see a mouse dart out from under my dresser then dart back under. I go tell my mom. She says it's probably the same one that was in Annie's room earlier. She tells me mice don't climb so it won't bother me. I go back to my room. The first thing I think is "Hickory dickory dock, the mouse ran up the clock." I kept hearing it when  turned off the light and I could tell where it was. There are papers and all my school stuff right by my bed. It was there. It was under my desk, also right by my bed. It was under the dresser. It was on the plates in front of the chest of drawers. It was everywhere. I got 2 hours of sleep that night.

At this point what else could happen. It's gotten to the point where it's all just laughable. That doesn't make it any better really but it's better than Monday when I had a small breakdown right before lunch and not much had even happened yet.

Thursday I don't think there were any big things that went wrong. I got the seat at the table legs. Never fails. And the can of coke I grabbed was leaking. I guess these were just like rubbing salt in the wounds of the bad week.

Friday started out good. I took my senior pictures for the Gumbo and enjoyed talking to the photographer. I got to share briefly about some of the places I've been on mission trips and talk about the Lord. There was no Gospel presentation but I was at least able to tell him I went because that's where the Lord called me to go. He asked if I'd go to Afghanistan. Iraq. Russia. I said yes, if the Lord calls me to go there I will go. So there was some really good stuff on Friday. I actually don't want to "publicly" get into what was bad on Friday but I'll leave it at this, things were said that no one wants to hear.

And now today, Saturday. LSU lost. I thought that would be the worst thing. I come back to my room after taking a shower and what do I see? The mouse jumping off my bed! Mice don't climb she said. Looks like it'll be another sleepless night.

Out of Control

Another delayed entry, but what else would you expect from me. I meant to complete this post in August right after the JBC college leadership retreat (Aug. 18-19). Since it's so delayed anyway, I'll delay a little bit more by beginning it with a side (and a bit unrelated) story.

As I type "out of control" I think of and hear in my mind Hoobastank's song by that title. Which reminds me of the time we sang the chorus of The Reason in worship at a youth camp back in 2004. Oh my. Out of Control was not sung in any kind of worship service, I wasn't even sure of all the words until I looked it up just a few minutes ago, but it does indeed do a pretty decent job of describing how I was feeling about a month ago.

About a month ago, earlier in the week before the retreat, I felt like I lost all control. I don't know why I felt this way. There was nothing particularly wrong or bad going on (that I recall), but I felt like I had no control over anything. I distinctly remember driving and thinking, "I have no control over my life anymore, I've lost control of my own life." I don't know how to further describe it, but it was not a comfortable feeling.

At the leadership retreat on Sunday night we gathered by the flag pole on campus and had a time of worship through music and prayer. During that time we sang From the Inside Out. If you know me, you know I'm a rather emotional person. There's a line in the song that says, "My heart and my soul, Lord I give You control." Well, as you can guess, that's the part when I broke down. The Lord knows what we need to hear, when we need to hear it.

Singing those words was like a surrender to the Lord. I'm trying to and wanting to control my life, but my life is in His hands. He has it under control. I'm brought back to that place where I can say everything is okay. No, life isn't all frolicking through fields of flowers with rainbows overhead and thoughts of unicorns and puppies (is that too much?), but that's okay. Even tonight I'm seeing how the pieces are just falling into place. The Lord is sovereign. He is in control.

There will be uncomfortable times. There will be uncertain times. The Lord doesn't call us to be comfortable or certain at all times. The Israelites wandered in the wilderness, following a cloud by day and a pillar of fire by night, uncertain of when they would reach the Promised Land. Jesus sent the disciples out telling them to bring nothing with them, no gold or silver, not even an extra tunic. Jesus himself spent 40 days in the desert fasting. He was hungry and he was tempted. These are but a few examples.

Life will get uncomfortable. It will get hard. There will be uncertainty. Above all these remember who is in control. Who created you, knows the days of your life, and has plans for you. It won't always be easy but have faith and trust in the Lord.