Living in the Joy

It occurred to me one day this week that I am no longer living in the joy the Lord has given me. I got out of the routine I had of spending time in the Word in the morning during the week. I let school take priority over it. It's since I've let that time with the Lord go that I've just been doing life. I'm not sure how to explain it.

As soon as I realized how much I've really been slacking in spending time with the Lord that was the first thought that came to me, "I haven't been living in the joy." I think it's because that joy is still there. It hasn't gone anywhere. I haven't had particularly good days or particularly bad days. School has gotten hectic again, more on that later, but I'm okay with that because I know there are greater things. School is important and a priority but the Lord is even more so. I know I will make it through by His grace.

Realizing this at the time that I did also further illustrates God's perfect timing. The health issues I had over the summer stopped when I used the medicine. I had a follow-up appointment last Friday, the 9th, and reported that I was having no problems. The doctor told me if there were no problems then I didn't even have to of come back and he refunded my co-payment! I did ask though, what would be done if the problem were to come back. He said since things were inconclusive we'd have to start over. In the meantime we just hope for the best and that it doesn't come back. Well, a week after that appointment (yesterday or possibly Thursday) I noticed the problem coming back. I've only noticed the problem once, so maybe it isn't coming back but maybe it is. So what perfect timing to be reminded earlier in the week to keep living in the joy of the Lord.

In other happenings, Meredith and I had supper with Carli last night. She adopted us for the "Adopt a College Kid" program at church. I like her and I'm glad Meredith and I were adopted together. I'm thankful I've gotten to know Meredith better in the past few months. We've grown up at church together but it wasn't until this summer that we started hanging out. I want to be able to pour into her spiritually but she is just as much pouring into me. As we face very similar circumstances in a particular area it's great to be able to understand one another and grow together.

As for school. I have so many things due and don't even know the due dates for them all. AMT final report. Preschool final report, due Monday I believe. Neuro paper on blast injuries. Voice: 1) case presentation, 2) article, 3) 2 pathologies, and 4) i think another article. LLD, competencies and "A" book outline. It'll be a busy couple of weeks but the end of the semester is insight! I have my schedule for next semester. I'm free all Monday until an evening class (4:30-7:30). Tuesday and Thursday I have a morning class and morning clinic. I'm through well before noon. Wednesday will be my long day, and unfortunately I will miss Wednesday night supper and Bible Study. I have a morning clinic, afternoon class, and evening clinic. Friday I have a morning clinic. Technically I would be done after the clinic but we will have CES and our research and design summer class will actually go ahead and begin.

Christmas break can't come soon enough. I made a sort of rash decision to go on the NY disaster relief trip. When I first read about it I thought oh that's awesome. I kind of wanted to go but mostly just because it's cheap and I've never been to NY. So I wasn't sure about it. I don't like the cold at all. Friday I couldn't stop thinking about it though. Yes, I do hate the cold, but I want to help. Hurricane Isaac disaster relief in Madsionville is the only disaster relief I've ever helped with. I live in La, there have been many other hurricanes and yet I never helped before. Helping in Madisonville though changed my attitude. It was tiring and gross but these people have in many cases lost everything. If I were in there place I would be heartbroken and just want to give up. Yet they were right there with us working. I know if I were in there place I would want and greatly appreciate help. From news reports I've read about Staten Island they have been greatly overlooked. I want to help.

Pumpkin Story

This is the tale of he unwanted pumpkin.

Sunday night the college ministry had a bonfire and some pumpkin carving went down. Bryan and Wegbert both carved pumpkins. Wegbert's was actually quite nice. When it came time to leave, while I was helping Lindsay unload the golf cart, the guys stuck their pumpkins in Lindsay's car. She really must learn to lock it! I don't know how but Wegbert's pumpkin made its way back into J's car, which J, Bryan, and Wegbert all rode in.

I forgot part of my costume back where the Bonfire was so J and his carload of friends drove me back to the bonfire site to get it. When we got back to the parking lot I got in my car. Bryan hopped out of J's car and tried to put the pumpkin in mine. Luckily, I managed to lock the doors in the nick of time. Then J told Bryan to put it on top of my car, and he did! I drove a few feet hoping it would fall off, but it didn't. Bryan hopped in J's car, and they drove off. The unwanted pumpkin is now in my possession.

I start scheming. That night I text J asking if he knows Bryan's apartment number. He doesn't know it and you have to have a key card to get in anyway. I have another friend who lives in that complex and asked her if she could let me in Monday afternoon. She wasn't sure if she would be able to or not. If she could though J and I were going to meet up and then find Bryan's car in the apartment parking garage and leave the pumpkin on it. I was doubtful my friend would be able to let us in. So I began forming a backup plan.

The backup plan was to leave it in front of J's apartment. It's also a gated apartment complex. I messaged one of his roommates asking if it'd be possible for him to let me in. He text me back on Monday saying sure, if I could come between 3:00 and 3:15. However, I am in class at that time.

The new plan was to find someone, anyone, who could let me in to either complex. I posted in our COMD facebook group asking if anyone lived in either of the two complexes. One girl responded that she did. I asked if she would let me in. I just needed to put a pumpkin in front of someone's door. She said no problem. While waiting for her to come back down and let me in after she parked I actually had multiple opportunities that I could have gotten in but I didn't want her to wonder where I went. So, she let me in and the pumpkin was placed in front of J's apartment.

I get a text from J later. "How rude. Ask me to help you put it at bryans apt then put it at mine..." About 20 minutes later he sends a picture of the pumpkin on Bryan's car. One of his roommates was going over there so he went with him. He got in no problem and found Bryan's car real quick.

I knew Bryan would blame me. I was worried about it rotting on his car and possibly ruining the paint. It didn't do that though. Tonight at Fall Fest, Bryan came and accused me of putting the pumpkin on his car. I told him I did no such thing. J admitted to it. Bryan got a ticket though! $50! He saw the pumpkin on his car one day and didn't pick it up then. So the next day apparently it got smashed on the ground and was considered trash so he got a ticket! J and I are going to each put money towards paying the ticket. 

Poor pumpkin. 

Life Lately and Friends

I'd like to think I've been holding up pretty well. School is nonstop. There is always something that needs working on, studying, reading, etc. There seems to be no end insight. I've been getting everything done and figuring everything out but I guess everyone reaches a breaking point. Thursday I broke.

It seems I did nothing right in preschool. I got in trouble (okay, not exactly trouble) for not having things prepared in advance when it wasn't my week to prepare those particular things. I'm told to do one thing, I do it and then I'm told to do something different. I get easily frustrated with it all. Then there was the report and plans. I won't get started on those. After the clinic I reached my breaking point and cried. Had an hour to get myself together. Made it through AMT clinic and class. Then I finally got to the BCM which makes everything better.

This week I have: a test tomorrow, a self evaluation due tomorrow, a test Thursday, a report to revise, again, a parent conference, observing at the hospital Wednesday, and all the usual chart notes, plans, clinics, and classes. Then another test next Wednesday. I'm already exhausted. Well, that's partly from this weekend.

Thursday night after TNT Meredith, J, Bryan, and I stayed at the BCM talking until 11pm. We weren't even talking about anything really. Friday the four of us went to Burger King (Bryan bought supper for me and Meredith for his lie about getting jumped) and the ladies' soccer game. Then after the game we decided to get a movie and watch it. Saturday Jefferson and CrossPoint went galactic bowling together 10:30pm to about 1am. All those things were fun but not the wisest decision with everything that needs to be done.

The group of four mentioned above is great. I love it! I enjoy spending time with them, we have fun. Two things though, well...we'll just say two. One I don't want us to be exclusive, even if it is unintentionally. Not just the four of us but our whole Jefferson crew. It's wonderful that all of us that go to church together are friends, friends that hang out outside of church, but we also need to make sure we invite others in. The past year or two our Jefferson crew was made up of people that were kind of in different friend circles so inclusion of lots of different people was easier, but then again other than church/college class activities we didn't all hang out. We need to find the balance between the two. Second thing, more specific to the four of us, is that our friendship lacks a spiritual side if you will. Yes, we know each other from church. We all go to church and the BCM together, but it's like we leave Christ at those places. I don't mean that we go out doing all kinds of ungodly things but we don't talk about Christ. I want us to be able to hold each other accountable and challenge each other in our spiritual lives. I want to know what's going on with them spiritually. I want to hear what they are learning, what God is teaching them. I want to tell them those same things that I want to hear from them. That was just a natural part of other friendships, like with Jessica and Sarah and Hayley. I want that to be a natural part of these new friendships. So I'm working on it. I already have a sorta plan in place to get the conversation started so they'll know that this is needed in our relationships with one another so don't be surprised when I start asking questions.

I've rambled enough. Now I must study. I can make it through these next two weeks. I can.

Rose Art Rejects in 100 words

Here's two random thoughts in one "essay." Remember back in elementary school when you had to write 100 word essays and it seemed impossible. You would count each word. Only 98!? Did I use any contractions? What else can I add?

How I wish I could go back to those days. It is, however, satisfying to be able to look back and think about how much I've learned since then and grown. I'm capable of 10+ page papers now, and really in some cases that would be considered a short paper. I had a class where we were challenged to write a 30 word sentence. Or was it 50? I feel like 30 wouldn't actually be that hard. I was going to try and keep this post to only 100 words but I'm already over that and haven't even mention Rose Art.

Rose Art. The reject of art supplies. Really does anyone ever choose Rose Art over Crayola. Even as a kid you know Crayola works so much better. Yes, Rose Art was probably cheaper, but I don't know anyone who actually wants to use Rose Art. The crayons break easier and don't color as smoothly. The markers aren't as good a quality. Why the sudden hostility to Rose Art, you ask? I don't know. Just a random thought I had one day in class and wanted to share. Sorry Rose Art.

SE Asia 2011: Church

I've been trying to go in order somewhat. Let's face it though, I"m never going to say everything I wanted to say about the trip in this blog. I admit defeat. It's been over a year. Maybe every now and then I'll still do a post about it but it's just not going to be like I wanted it to be, like I did for South Africa. I do have this post though!

In our second location, Emily and I, got the opportunity to go to a house church. I'm writing about this now without looking at any pictures or journals so details of the night may be sparse. To get to this house church we drove over bumpy roads and if I'm not mistaken I think we drove over a dried up river or creek. Maybe I'm exaggerating that bit, but I seem to remember a wide expanse perpendicular to the road and I'm pretty sure there were puddles still in it.

The church was at someone's house. Everyone crammed inside one dimly lit room. There were no chairs; we all sat on the floor. I believe there was music. Emily and I each gave our testimonies. There was a worker there who was able to translate for us. After we gave our testimonies the preacher talked about baptism (I think, that's what came to my mind, but I really should look that one up). He had handouts for everyone. So even though Emily and I couldn't understand anything that was being spoken, and it was far too much to be translated, we were still able to follow along. The handout had the scripture references so we were still able to follow along to an extent and read the same scripture they were studying.

What amazed me was how long church lasted. Now I couldn't tell you how long it was, but there was no set time. Here, at home, church has a start time and a finish time. No, it might not be an official finish time but it always gets done about the same time. Sermons are always about the same length, prayers are relatively short.

But there, there were no constraints. People shared prayer requests, what was going on in their lives spiritually, and the prayer. I don't know how long it was, but it wasn't just a minute or two, I know that much.

I know this post is seeming rather dull and uninformative since I don't really remember much but here is the meat of it, what I took away from the experience. We, as Americans, in a country free to worship as we please, don't appreciate that freedom. We don't realize how fortunate we are. We also are in a sense over-churched. (Was that the term I used them?). We have "church" available to us 24/7 pretty much. You can turn on a tv at almost anytime and find a church service. You can turn on any radio and find a Christian music station. Go to a library or bookstore, you can find an abundance of church books. Church is so available we tend not to fully appreciate it as much as we could. But in SE Asia, that time once a week, might be all they have. They can read the Bible on their own, sure. And yes, they can pray anytime. That one time a week at house church is the only time they get to fellowship with other believers and really have their faith challenged and have an opportunity to learn more and have spiritual growth.

I don't know what else to say. This is kind of a failure of a post but I tried.

Missions Night at the BCM

Last night at TNT was missions night. It was a bit unconventional. We sat on the floor and were divided guys and girls. Instead of a message being spoken out loud it was silent, displayed on powerpoint slides.

Sitting on the floor reminded me of an experience in SouthEast Asia. You can read about that here.  The silence makes since because there are many countries all over the world that don't have the freedom to speak about Christ, and they have to meet in secret. I didn't understand why really we were separated into guys and girls until I began typing this post. That's when I remembered going to church in Louisvalweg in South Africa. The men sat on the right and the women on the left.

After the silent message students gave testimonies about where and what they did this past summer. It was different not going anywhere this summer. I've realized I've learned a lot though, and experienced immense spiritual growth this summer. And recently I've also been thinking about what missions looks like at home, or what it should look like. I'll leave those for other posts.

Long Day

Thursdays for me are long, very long. They are also kind of like a roller coaster. Actually, now that I type that I'm not sure what it's supposed to mean. I understand how people typically use it, meaning whatever they are talking about has its ups and downs, but is the up part of a roller coaster really the good part or is the down part, where you're safe again, the good part. This is what Thursdays do to me. My exhausted brain continues to over think stuff.

Thursdays begin with 3 hours of preschool clinic. I like kids children (my maw-maw was watching the news and they kept saying kids and she asked, "why do they always say kids instead of children? kids are baby goats."), but I am not too good with children. I can take care of them. Have fun with them. The challenge with the preschool is that things have to be said in certain ways. No command, no yes/no questions. Everything is done in a way to facilitate language and it is challenging. Today was only my first day doing it though so I'm sure I will get better, I certainly hope I will. With the preschool I know what's going on though, and we are given clear direction on what's happening.

After preschool I have an hour break. In that hour I have to cleanup at the preschool, eat lunch, and go to Hatcher to get ready for my next clinic.

Then I have my Accent Modification Clinic for 1 hour. There's not much direction given on it, and going in to it I feel like I have no idea what's happening. I'm just winging it. But it has gone so well. I even have fun with it. The supervisor said she thought I would be like a shrinking violet, but I really come out of it and she has given me good comments. Let's hope I can keep that up!  I don't want to say too much more because I don't want to accidently cross any HIPAA boundaries, so I'll just leave it at I really enjoy AMT.

After the AMT clinic I have a 2 hour break. That break is filled with meeting with the AMT supervisor, figuring out what just happened, doing paperwork, and a little bit of free time.

Then it's class time for 3 hours. By the time I get to class I've lost all my energy. It's a bit of a rough three hours. As soon as class is over though I make like a banana and split. (Yes, I just found that phrase because I had used another one but wasn't actually sure the meaning of it so I googled it. Found out I used it wrong but found this fun one instead. And also, yes, I had to sing the Gwen Stefanie song to correctly spell banana).

I head over to the BCM. The power walk to my car, then drive, then walk to the BCM energizes me again. I get there and I'm full of energy and excitement to be there. Then about halfway through it hits me how tired I am, and then I feel ready to just crash.

Do I crash though? No. I come home and blog about the long day, thus making it even longer. You know why? It's because after a long day like today I really haven't gotten to talk to people much and so I'm busting at the seams with things to say to anyone who will listen. I don't really ever get that much of a chance on Thursdays to share any of those things with anyone. Bummer.

There was one more thought to go with all this. Tonight at TNT while we sang You Never Let Go my first thought was this song. It's a great song but for it and How He Loves in my opinion got used way too much and I'm just kind of sick of them and would be okay with not singing them again for a very, very long time. I did have a positive thought while singing You Never Let Go. It may seem silly but "There will be an end to these troubles but until that day comes I'll live to know you here on the earth," made me think of all the "troubles" school is causing right now. They aren't so much troubles but just a lot to do and it's overwhelming. I thought though that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. When I graduate that will be the end of these troubles. But even now as I have this overwhelming "troubles" God is still good. I still have overwhelming joy in knowing Him and that makes it all okay.

It Overwhelms and Satisfies my Soul

Lately I have found such joy in the Lord. This is something I'm not sure I fully understood before. I could try and explain it or what I mean, or I can just accept it and leave you with a brief summary. I choose the latter. 

Experiencing the peace the Lord gives was great, is great, but it can't just stay at that. Something else needs to evolve from it, some sort of growth. There are only two options, you're either growing or dying. Stagnation may seem like a third option, but it's not. It is a lack of growth, therefore, dying. Well, that peace has turned into something. 

It has turned into joy. I am happy, I crave spending time with the Lord, I'm genuinely excited about the Lord's work, and I have so much I want to share with others about the Lord and what I have learned or am learning. 

Start of Grad School

Grad school has started! My schedule is all kinds of crazy. Okay, maybe it's not that crazy, but no day is the same. Mondays I have 3 hour class, Tuesdays' 2 clinics, Wednesdays' a 3 3 hour class, Thursdays' 2 clinics and a 3 hour class, and Fridays' CES (no clue what it stands for) class 6 times this semester.

So far it has been overwhelming and it's only the beginning, the very beginning. It's been two days, I still haven't been to two classes at all yet, and there is so much information and stuff to do that it's just overload. 

I'm excited though. I love what I'm studying, speech language pathology. I don't know what I ultimately hope to do with it, what I want to focus on, because I'm so excited and want to know/do it all! I guess after experience in clinics with such varieties I'll be able to narrow it down. My two clinics this semester are Preschool and Accent Modification. 

One of my classmates, I just learned, lives in my neighborhood and has lived here her entire life. It's crazy. I can't believe we never met before. We even managed to do our undergrad together and still never met until last week. 

Story time about today. Parking is still craziness so I parked farther than I'll have to the rest of the semester. Once people stop going to class over the next few weeks hopefully it'll get better. I parked and was walking to the preschool. The preschool is on one side of campus and the building I end in is on the opposite side. I parked nearer the building I end in though because when I'm done I want to be able to just leave, not walk all the way across campus to get to my car. So anyway, I got to the Design Building, about a 6 minute walk from where I was parked and realized I forgot my lunch in the car. It wasn't worth going back to get. So for lunch today I had a handful of popcorn and a mystery cookie at the preschool, two chocolate chip cookies and a brownie at the BCM, and a granola bar I had in my backpack. Delicious and nutritious! Well the former, not so much the latter. Story doesn't end there though. I went outside at the BCM and set my alarm on my phone for 1:10 so I would be able to leave and have enough time to walk to where I needed to go and I didn't have to keep constantly checking the time. I hear the bells and look at my phone to see the time because I know the bells ring every 15 minutes. It's 1:15! Oh crap, I got to hurry! I check my alarm and I had it set for 11:10. Oops! Luckily, I made it on time with a few minutes to spare. And my big sister in the COMD program left a chocolate bar in my mailbox! Story time over. 

Originally when my class times got changed I wasn't very happy about it. Now,except for the Thursday 4:30-7:30 class, I think I actually like the changes. My plan is to use the time on Mondays and Wednesdays before class as designated study time. And on Tuesdays and Thursdays I have a 1 hour break between clinics. This schedule also gives me chances to for sure have a devotional time everyday because face it my plan to do that every night before bed never lasts more than a few days. I'm thinking M and W before studying in the Design courtyard or whatever it's called, and T and Th the Greek amphitheater during lunch. I'd never been in the Design building (except for once with Kallie to get food) or courtyard until we did our orientation in the auditorium. It's a nice little place. So,I'm pretty excited about this plan! I just need to work on discipline to make sure it happens. I don't think that word, discipline, is really in my vocabulary though. 

This is unrelated to grad school but I thought I'd throw it in anyway. Today a friend retweeted a tweet from Skeptical Africa. I thought it was kinda funny and retweeted it too. It was "So you're telling me...they have to stamp a date on your food so you dont forget to eat it before it goes bad?" Then I was reading more of them and yes some of them are silly but then I read this one, " So you're telling me while I live in a house made of mud you have small houses for your cars called garages??" and I felt a little convicted. And I don't even have a garage. I mean I've seen the small houses in other countries; I've stayed in those small houses. Then there I was today touring the preschool, which is located in an old house, thinking about how much I love old houses and how I love how big the bedrooms were. I do really love old houses! 

Oh my,  Let me end this before I ramble on more. 

Glorieta 2012

Every Glorieta experience is different.

This one proved to be different starting with the bus ride there.  ­It wasn’t nearly as miserable as I was expecting it to be. We played Apples to Apples, Go Fish Dinos, and Old Maid, read fairytales out loud, and played several mind/logic sorta games.

There’s a lot to enjoy about Glorieta but I think one of my favorite things is being able to get away and get alone with the Lord. I’m torn during the free time between wanting to go cheer on and watch people playing the sports or doing my own thing. Doing my own thing wins each time. I can play or watch people play sports at home. I don’t have a huge prayer garden I can go to at home. I don’t have trails I can wander along alone at home. So that’s exactly what I did on Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday during free time.

On Monday I hiked up Glorieta Lookout trail with Meredith, Emily, and Bryanna, and then I got away on my own to go to the prayer garden. On Tuesday I went to the prayer garden again. It kept threatening to rain, but luckily it didn’t.  Then when I left the garden I explored the trails near the cabins by myself. I’m just the type of person that needs to be able to have alone time. Thursday I got to catch up with Sarah, and then again get away to the tables along the trails near the cabins.

Thursday, when talking with Sarah, I realized frustration has been competing with and taking over the peace I’ve been feeling. I’ve been keeping everything I’ve been dealing with inside and bottled up for so long that when I did share I just broke down. It’s like I’ve been storing all the tears behind a dam and the dam finally broke. It’s a reminder for me though that you don’t always know the trials and struggles someone may be going through. Outwardly or publicly everything appears fine but just because you can’t see the inward turmoil doesn’t mean it’s not there.

Then that night, as worship began, we prayed for a student, Jude, who has cancer. I guess it just struck too close to home because I was emotional the rest of the night. That was possibly the best night of worship though in my opinion. I was constantly reminded through that night that God is sovereign.  “You are peace. You are peace when my fear is crippling…You are joy. You are joy. You’re the reason that I sing”

What I think my biggest take away from the week is is letting Christ shine through me by truly giving myself and my plans to Him. It’s during all the time alone, and getting alone with the Lord, that I learn the most. I can take what I’ve been hearing and learning during the sessions and worship and really reflect on it and pray.

As we sang one night “Here’s my heart Lord, take and seal it, seal it for thy courts above,” it became so much more than just words.  It became my prayer and I don’t think it can be said better than that. Here’s my heart Lord. Take it and seal it. Seal it for thy courts above. Here’s what I wrote in my journal: Lord, let the focus and desire of my heart be You. May my thoughts and actions all be to glorify You. Lord, here is my heart. I want to honor You. Help me to take captive every thought so it is honoring to you.

Philippians 4:8-9 Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely whatever is admirable- if anything is excellent or praiseworthy- think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me- put into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.

2 Corinthians 10:5 We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every though to make it obedient to Christ.

That tied in so well, at least I think, with the passage we were discussing all week in our community group:

 1 Peter 4: 7-11 The end of all things is near. Therefore be clear minded and self-controlled so that you can pray. Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins, Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling. Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God's grace in its various forms. If anyone speaks, he should do it as one speaking the very words of God. If anyone serves, he should do it with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. To him be the glory and the power for ever and ever. Amen. 

I really enjoyed my community group too. It was a group I felt comfortable in and everybody willing participated. It was a great group.

Wednesday we had our free day and we went to Pecos. I climbed up part of the mountain with some of the girls. Not much scares me, and I don’t know why but getting back down the mountain was scaring the mess out of me. Everything went fine though and some guys from Denham Springs were there to help us. On the way back to Glorieta from Pecos I finally met two of the Canadians, Cameron and Ryan. I’m sad that it was the second to last day before I met them because I enjoyed talking with them. When we got back from Pecos I was able to ramble about Indonesia to a few people. That always makes me happy.

Not only did we have the Canadians but we also had two girls from Alaska in our cabin and the group from Hawaii eating with us. We had all kinds of places represented!

The trip back home was not quite as bearable as the trip there, but we did play MASH for about 4 hours so now everyone has their future planned. It was hilarious! Parker gets married to three of the girls on the bus. I have a total of 87 children as I work as a chef/human trafficker. I didn’t even want to write that down and I became it! I guess that’s reason we can be very thankful MASH doesn’t actually determine our future! 

Summer is Coming to an End

While at Glorieta this past week I was sitting outside the cabin one evening and the reality set in that school was about to start. I’d get home, have a week, and then school starts. Really I don’t even have a week because 3 days of that week will be filled with grad school and comd department orientation.

As I reflect on this summer, I can’t help but think it kind of sucked. Yes, it did have good moments, but it was just that, moments. Among all those moments were the constant days of raining, numerous doctor’s appointments, boredom, and lack of productivity.

I can’t ignore those good moments, though, so I must mention them. Monday nights with the BCM were nice and brought me and Kelsea closer which led to a girl’s night with her and Meredith. That night was also I believe the only true all-nighter I’ve pulled as a college student. We didn’t go to bed until 6:00am!

I got to travel to the exciting places of Houma, La and Wesson, MS! OK, so maybe the places aren’t that exciting but it was nice to visit with friends, Lana and Jessica.

I hoped to be able to go to Massachusetts to visit Sarah but unfortunately that didn’t work out. It’s okay that that did not work out because I got to visit with her anyway! She and Chris were at Glorieta. What a blessing it was to be able to spend time catching up with Sarah!

So, like I said, the summer did have its good moments, not all of it was bad. Overall, I feel that it was wasted, though, and that’s precisely what I don’t want- to look back on my summer and see that it was wasted.

SE Asia 2011: Challenges

I often describe this trip as the most challenging. People ask why but it is not easy to sum up in a simple word or two, or even a sentence or two. There’s the day I refer to as the day of tears, the immense pain during the last week-week and a half, and many emotional, mental, and spiritual challenges.

I wanted to be there but it’s like my heart was not there. It wasn’t at home either though. I never felt homesick on this trip. The only people I missed were the rest of the group when we were split up in our different locations. Even that seems contradictory when I mention the next challenge.

I did not feel close to anyone. I love each of my team mates very much but on the trip I did not feel close to them. That started pretty much the moment I met up with the girls. When I got off the airplane I was trying to hold back my smile so people didn’t look at me weird but inwardly I was beaming I was so excited to be there. I couldn’t wait to join everyone. When I met up with the girls I was hoping for at least a little excitement, “Emily’s here!” I don’t really think anything was said but if something were it would have been like this, “Oh. Hey.” At least when the guys joined us that night they seemed excited I had arrived.  I know this trip was in no way about me so I hope I am not making it sound that way. I just had all this excitement about being there and wanted someone to share with me in that excitement and it seemed no one did.

Not only did I not feel close to my team mates but I didn’t feel like I made any close relationships with the people there. I think it takes me a while to make relationship with people and so in the short time we were there it just didn’t happen.

Harder than the other two challenges of not feeling close was feeling distant from the Lord. I would read my Bible for hours at a time and then have no clue what I read or only get maybe 2 pages read. It was just so hard to sense the Lord’s presence.

The day of tears needs a post of its own but a summary of it would be death, darkness, and misunderstandings.

The pain. I am about 90% sure I cracked a rib or two. If not cracked then I bruised them very, very badly. I didn’t realize this until a few months ago though, when I finally looked up signs and symptoms of a cracked rib.  After being in SE Asia only a few days I started coughing and got a runny nose. That didn’t really surprise me. Same thing happened the first time. The coughing never stopped though. It just got worse. I don’t know if it was that bad in the first half of the trip but it certainly was in the second half. I was coughing so much and so hard that my back hurt, my chest hurt, even my neck hurt. I could not take a deep breath or sigh. Laying down on my back hurt. There were moments I wanted to cry because it hurt so bad. There were two nights where I slept propped up against my backpack because it was the only way to find some sort of comfort. I guess I never made it known how much pain I truly was in.

So there is no denying I had many challenges but when I look around these challenges the Lord was working through them and despite them. 

SE Asia 2011: Common Questions

Some common questions I get asked is stuff like:  Where do you stay? What was the food like? These are without a doubt the easiest questions to answer but these are only the answers to those questions for the first half of the trip.

Food: For supper most nights we had fried rice. Not fried rice like most people probably think of with egg in it. This was fried rice I actually like a lot and miss. We got it from a food stall, called a warung, right around the corner from where we were staying. After it was cooked it was wrapped up in a piece of brown paper, kind of like a paper bag, and stapled shut. We would bring it back to our place to eat. One day the husband of the lady who owned that warung brought us chicken sandwiches. It was wonderful! Lunch most days came from the warung right next to the fried rice warung. It was fried noodles. It was similar to ramen noodles but with different flavorings. There were a few meals that didn’t come from those two warungs. The other meals always consisted of white rice and a small portion of meat. 

Shelter: The guys and girls stayed at two different places but I believe they were owned by the same man.  The guys place was referred to as the garden. You could either take the roads a long way to get there or go up the steep road by Pak Lindra’s house and cut through by the side of someone’s house, cross a ditch and fight through trees and grass. So the choice was long and easy or short and challenging. I really don’t know too much about their place. I don’t think they had running water or electricity but I am not positive. The garden had three beds and was very much open compared to where the girls stayed.

We stayed in a part of the family’s compound. Technically we had 2 bedrooms each with two beds, but we all stayed in one.  When you walk up the family’s driveway to the left is a covered area with instruments and the motorcycles and clothes line. Then you go up some steps and there is a platform thing to your left and the path to our rooms on the right. Straight ahead is the family’s house. Take the path on the right to our rooms. First is the room we didn’t sleep in which was very open. It did have somewhat transparent bamboo shades for walls. There was another platform sort of thing with a couple of gamelan on it. Above the platform was our second bedroom where all four of us girls stayed. We did have electricity and running water. However, the bulb burned out in the room we stayed in and we never got it switched. We really weren’t in our rooms much when it was dark anyway except to sleep. We had a western toilet and a sink! You have no idea how exciting a sink is to me. A sink is even more exciting to me than a western toilet. Have you tried washing your face when you have to do it using a bak. It’s just messy. A bak is what you bathe from. It’s basically a cistern filled with water and you use a scoop to pour the water over you. It is cold and it is not fun. Luckily our bak was movable and the faucet was high enough up that we moved the bak and used the faucet like a shower. It was still cold and not fun. 

There's a Peace I've Come to Know

This summer I've learned the peace that God can give.

Part of the song, I Will Rise by Chris Tomlin:

"There's a peace I've come to know, though my heart and flesh may fail. There's an anchor for my soul. I can say it is well. Jesus has overcome and the grave is overwhelmed. The victory is won. He is risen from the dead. And I will rise when he calls my name. No more sorrow. No more pain." 

along with Psalm 73, specifically verses 23-28, have given me comfort and peace.

"23 Yet I am always with you;
    you hold me by my right hand.
24 You guide me with your counsel,
    and afterward you will take me into glory.
25 Whom have I in heaven but you?
    And earth has nothing I desire besides you.
26 My flesh and my heart may fail,
    but God is the strength of my heart
    and my portion forever.
27 Those who are far from you will perish;
    you destroy all who are unfaithful to you.
28 But as for me, it is good to be near God.
    I have made the Sovereign Lord my refuge;
    I will tell of all your deeds."

No matter what is wrong I truly can say it is well.

I had/have something wrong. I only had one symptom. I felt fine but there was something that was not normal. I google searched to find out what could possibly be wrong and I made a doctor's appointment. After the first appointment, some of those possibilities were confirmed. After the second appointment the possibilities were confirmed again. Best case, worst case was irritation, cancer. While waiting for the third appointment, the one that would give the most information, I had two weeks to think about these possibilities but I was never really worried. I honestly thought, "cancer, that's cool." (Clarification: cool as in I'm okay with that, I can deal with it.  Not cool as in awesome, fun, yeah!). The whole time I just felt peaceful about whatever the results would be.

Third appointment ruled out the worst case scenario. It gave a diagnosis. Fourth appointment, to draw blood which will I think confirm diagnosis. Fifth appointment will be later this week to give me the low down and officially confirm diagnosis.

Whatever it is I'm okay. I have the peace of God.

Summer Olympics

Being an olympian is a phenomenal accomplishment. It means you are one of the best in the world at your sport. Even if you don't win a medal simply being able to compete in the olympics qualifies you, at least in my eyes, as one of the best in the world. Even if you don't want to go as far as saying they're the best in the world without a medal you've got to admit they're one of the best in their country.

I can't imagine what it must be like to be able to walk into the opening ceremonies. What an adrenaline rush and an honor! Getting to represent your country in front of the thousands of people there and the millions when you include all the television viewers.Getting to be among all the hundreds of other countries as they all come together (though they are competing against each other) for truly world wide games. Is there anything else that brings pretty much all the countries of the world all together?

The thought of it makes me wish I were an olympic athlete. Forget being an actor/actress or singer, if I could be one of those or an olympic athlete there is no doubt I would choose to be an olympic athlete. I'm not really even that in to sports. It's simply the fact of being among all those other countries and representing your country.

As much as I've mentioned getting to represent your country, I like even more that it is the joining of so many countries. I loved watching the parade of nations at the opening ceremonies. I was getting a bit frustrated with the camera men and commentators though. I want to get to see all the countries. There were so many commercial breaks that when they would come back they'd just say while we were gone these countries walked in and then just give a brief look at them. We completely missed Uruguay because they were focusing on the USA. I mean I do understand that I'm in the USA so I should be excited about seeing them march in, but I've already seen these athletes on television, the internet, magazines, etc. The other thing I did not like was the occasional unnecessary mentions of politics. Can we just leave politics out where it is not needed. I believe it was Pakistan but a comment was made, which maybe I misunderstood it, about keeping an eye on that country, as in the actual country- not the olympians as they perform.

Now with all that being said we'll see how much I actually watch of the actual games.

SE Asia 2011: A Walk to the Orphanage

*pictures still to be added* 


Duck through the child sized door out of the bedroom where the girl's are staying. Carefully make your way down the steps. The guys have come to meet up with us at our place. We go down the steps and follow the driveway. Take a left onto the street. To our right is the field. Frequently there are cock fights on the field. There are also soccer games. This is where Emily plays soccer with some kids while Jessica teaches ballet to some girls in the abandoned piece of building adjacent to the field, and I try to occupy the children who don't want to dance or play soccer with bubbles. To our left is a school.

Now you are at the intersection. Going right will take you past the field and then downhill and to Ibu Murney's(?). Going straight takes you uphill to a small complex of houses. We go left. First on the left is the warung (food stall) where we got lunch many times- mei goreng, fried noodles. Then is the warung where we got supper most nights- nasi goreng, fried rice. We pass some house and our friend who hangs around and repeatedly tells us "halo."

The road curves right. On the left is a temple. Keep following the road as it goes uphill. On the left is someone's house who does laundry. There is a girl there we tried talking with but she didn't speak the language we learned. A little farther ahead are some houses on the right. There always seems to be something going on there with lots of music and some cooking. It's like a party!

Pass the fields on both sides. This part of the journey provides a great view of the sun setting.

Then there is a building to the left with doors, and wood, and glass. Not really sure what it is. But now you've reached a shadier part (as in trees, not sketch) and the road levels out, no more uphills.

You then enter into the neighborhood, possibly a different village, I'm not sure where boundaries are. Pass through with houses on both sides until you get to the street. It's a relatively busy street. The road we were just on might have the occasional motorcycle pass you by. Now there are cars, trucks, and motorcycles driving by. We cross the street and go right, walking with the traffic (something that still makes no sense to me). We pass homes and little stores. When you get to the covered platform at the corner that kind of goes over the ditch you take a left. Now we're going down hill. On the right is the path to take you to Old Pak's. Along the side of the path is a sleeping plant. I don't know what it really is called but when you pass your hand or foot over it it goes to sleep.

At the end of the path, where it turns into a wider concrete path with water on both sides, it curves to the right. This is where the girls go first and the guys look down. In the water are women usually doing laundry or bathing. One of the guys said he could tell you the number of cracks in the concrete. Haha!

When you get to the end of the concrete path it is dirt again and an uphill climb. Really it is a climb, with big ruts, and tree roots, but the good news is when  you get to the top you are at the orphanage. If you're lucky, or maybe unlucky, when you get to the top there will be a giant reticulated python, aka big snake!

Selamat Datang! Welcome!

SE Asia 2011: The Team

Who were the people making up this team that went to SE Asia?

The team included Jessica, Emily M, Chris, Norman, Ben, and me. 

(What we're doing now, school and work wise has changed but this is what we were doing/who we were at the time of the trip).

Jessica
Jessica just finished her 4th year of Biological Engineering at LSU, graduating in May 2012. I met Jessica at the BCM my freshman year, her sophomore year. We met for the first time when planning to go to Mexico during spring break. Going to Mexico didn't work out. Then we met again when Mandy, the BCM assistant director, told her to talk to me about going somewhere for the summer. We've been friends since that night. That summer, 2009, we both ended up going to SE Asia. Something I love about our friendship is that a large part of our friendship and how we got to know each other was through praying with each other.  

Emily M. 

Emily completed her 3rd year at Southeastern Louisiana State University. She is studying to be an elementary school teacher and will graduate in December 2012. Though Emily goes to SELU she works at and attends the LSU BCM. Before the trip we were in a Bible Study together and she started coming to the same church I go to shortly before the trip. Other than planning for the trip we weren't too close. After the trip I would undoubtedly  include her as one of my closest friends. She is such an encouragement. There were times during the trip where there is no way I could have made it without her. 

          

Chris

Chris is a country boy. Hunting, fishing, that's his element.  He's from the Monroe area and worked for a tree service company, cutting down and trimming trees.A few years older than us, he is a friend of Norman's. Before the trip none of us, other than Norman, knew him. We all met him at the one meeting we had all together before the trip. Chris likes to have fun and his smile is contagious. You just can't help but smile around him. He has an amazing testimony about how he turned his life around and is now living for the Lord. His love for the Lord is so evident  in how he lives his life. 

Norman

Norman once described himself as "country as cornbread." Same age as Emily and I, he is studying English at LSU and will graduate May 2012. I met Norman at the BCM. He transferred to LSU his sophomore year of college and got involved in the BCM right away. His passion for the Lord and helping others grow in their relationship with the Lord is evident.Though he can be very blunt with his words there are sometimes when it is needed and helpful. In the spring of 2010 he helped me with a particularly rough patch spiritually which  is something I am incredibly grateful for. 

Ben

Ben is our youngest but just by a year. He is studying business management at LSU and should graduate in spring 2013. Before leaving for SEA Ben was working at one of the summer Fuge camps (Emily was working at one too). What a trooper! I didn't know Ben too well before the trip. I think our first conversation, at the BCM in the missions room, was me trying to convince him to go to SEA, telling him about it and showing him where it is on the map. I think Ben still kind of perplexes me because I have this idea of him a quiet guy that kind of holds back but that's not who he is. He's crazy but not in a bad way, more of a not afraid to be silly, quite the opposite of holding back, but yet it's not an in your face obnoxious sort of way. I don't think I'm doing Ben any kind of justice in describing him (sorry man!), but I am always encouraged after talking to him 

Emily H.

Then there's me, studying communication disorders at LSU, graduating December 2011. In summer 2009 I spent 2 months in SEA. How do I go about talking about myself? Hmm...How about I tell you what other people have said about me. Most often I get that I am sweet and quiet. Ask people who know me and they won't agree with the quiet part. I feel sweet is the fallback that people say when they've met you but haven't really gotten to know you. I've been told I'm consistent and disciplined. I could argue these as well. Finally I've been called sarcastic and funny. One guy once said girls shouldn't be funny but then later that week he said I was funny. I'm still not sure how to feel about that one. 

SE Asia 2011: The Journey

A year ago today I was on a plane headed to SE Asia (SEA). I was by myself; the rest of the team was already there a couple of days before I was able to join. Flying by myself was truly one of the things I worried about most. 


It wasn't so much that I was afraid of missing flights or getting lost but I was afraid of myself, my own mind. I knew last time I went that pretty much the whole plane ride over to SEA, which is about a good 24ish hours,  my mind was plagued with questioning and doubting, wondering what I was getting myself into. I recognized this on that trip and the second verse of It is Well With my Soul came to me:

"Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come, Let this blest assurance control, That Christ has regarded my helpless estate, And hath shed His own blood for my soul."

Before even stepping foot in the country Satan was already attacking. As the second half of that verse puts it, Christ knows what's going on. I have Christ on my side.

So I had all that on my mind when thinking about the plane ride. Before the trip Chris asked if there was anything he could be praying about for me. I told him my worries about the plane rides. The longest leg of the  flight was about 14 hours. It was the best I have fared on any long flight. There was a moment on the flight when I remembered prayer I asked for for the flight. I realized how calm I was and how well it was all going and had no doubt there were people praying for me.

It wasn't until probably a couple weeks later that I remembered I took some Valerian before getting on the flight. It's an otc relaxer, sleep-aid. It doesn't necessarily help me sleep but it does calm my mind. So that probably also had something to do with my calmness. I, however, choose to believe the prayer did more for me than the medicine.

SE Asia 2011

It's taken almost a year for me to finally start writing about South East Asia (SEA). Why so long? I'm not sure. Maybe it's because even though I've talked about it with people, even though we had a debriefing, even though it's been a year since I left to go there I still haven't fully processed it all. It was by far the most challenging trip I've been on. It's left me confused and uncertain about some things, about my future. 


Instead of deal with all the thoughts and emotions and everything else I continually sweep them under the rug. When they start showing again I give them a brief moment and sweep them back under. 


Even with all the uncertainties there are three things I know.

1. SEA is where the Lord wanted me to be last summer. No doubt about it.
2. The Lord was, and still is, working there. 
3. I don't think a day goes by that I don't think about SEA. 

Old Pak

Our last day in our first village in SE Asia we met with this guy. I never knew his name so I referred to him as old pak. Pak because that is how you refer to men older than yourself, the equivalent of using Mr. in English. Old because, well, he was old.

   

 Our national partner shared the Gospel with him. To our understanding he accepted the message of the Gospel. J came to pick us up later that day and met with Old Pak, along with a pastor. He explained again what we shared with him and shared the Gospel with Old Pak's neighbors and family. 

Yesterday I did some searching on Google Maps trying to find the places we stayed at and visited in this village. I was unsuccessful at that but I also searched for orphanages in that village and found some websites for the one by his house that he helped at. He passed away in February. Rest in Peace Old Pak. 

Today...

I played Monopoly from about 9am until 3:45pm. There was only one break in the game, for lunch, which lasted at most an hour. The game is still not finished. And that is what I got paid to do at work today. Well, with the first client at least. I guess some days aren't too bad.

I might of exaggerated a bit when I said an onslaught of posts because that is it.

Weeds

They are pretty.

They are bad.

Weeds. Like our sin or temptation. Satan glamorizes it. Makes it look pretty, but it's bad. Some weeds look good so we're tempted to leave them, admire them but in truth they're killing the good plants around them. Our sin is like that in that it looks good. We want to hold on to it but it is choking us. It hinders the good and  growing closer to the Lord. This is no new revelation but simply something I really was thinking about as I admired some weeds along the Trees and Trails the other day.

http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Mark+4%3A1-20&version=NIV " title="Parable of the Sower">Mark 4:1-20

Beautiful Places

On Sunday I went to the Burden Center's Trees and Trails with my mom. I went wanting to scope it out and get familiar with the trails because I wanted to use it as a place to jog. I never even heard of Trees and Trails until about a week or so ago when I read about it in the Daily Reveille, which said, "The trails provide a safe route for runners who want to experience nature while they exercise...Students can use the trails as an alternative to running the lakes." So I'm all excited because it's right down the road from my house. Convenient location, 3.5 miles of trails, different routes to keep it interesting. Much to my dismay when we get there I'm reading the sign with all the rules and it says no jogging or other athletic activities. Well, sad day. 

We still walked all the trails and it is a nice place. There are two pretty cool spots. One is along the Black Swamp Trail where there is a boardwalk that actually goes out over the swamp. Even better is the Meditation Garden. It has a pond and a bench in a gazebo. It was beautiful. While sitting there enjoying beauty of it I realized I just wanted to pray and spend time with the Lord. I've realized that about beautiful places, that that is what I want to do in them. Undistracted by everything else, just in God's nature, worshiping Him. 

That's not the only place I want to pray though. I miss praying with others, like before TNT. Praying with a small group. Sharing what we need prayer for, petitioning to God, together. I would go in to the prayer room a little apprehensive. I wanted to be there so much but I've never been really comfortable praying out loud. I hear all these wonderful prayers that and then when I go to pray all the words seem to get lost. What I'm praying silently just disappears. "My heart won't tell my mind to tell my mouth what it should say." (Country lyrics totally out of context). I know it doesn't matter what comes out, how it sounds, the Lord still hears it and the people I'm with aren't judging (at least I certainly would hope not!). 

With all that said, that quickly became my favorite part of TNT, if not the week. I just can't  really word how much I enjoyed it. When I found out TNT was cancelled the Thursday before Good Friday I was upset because we wouldn't be having TNT but even more so because that meant we wouldn't be praying together. Now TNT is over for the semester and I really miss it, praying with others. 

I Choose You

For Lent I gave up coca cola. No, I'm not Catholic, or of any denomination that gives something up for Lent, nor did I use the sacrifice as a way to grow closer to God. I gave up coke just to see if I could do it. No coke for 40 days. So I may not have  had a real reason for doing so but I did learn something through the experience.

There were multiple times when I really wanted a coke. I'd be fixing lunch, open the icebox, and there they were. And oh how I craved one! There was nothing stopping me. The temptation was there. How easy it would of been to just give in! But I didn't. I chose something else.

Why can't I be like that when it comes to sin? So many times when faced with temptation I give in to those sinful desires. Like a dog returning to its vomit, I go back time and time again to something that is no good for me. As Dr. Goza said on Sunday, "No temptation is greater than God." Instead of choosing sin I need to say "I choose You, Lord. I choose you."

Prepare

Prepare for an onslaught of posts! There are many things I've wanted to say but never feel like saying when I'm at the computer. So today while at the bowling alley with my client I had my legal pad with me and just started spilling. Now all I have to do is type up everything I wrote.

I've got to get something out first about being at the bowling alley. There are only a few other workers around my age with clients at the bowling alley. Never once have they spoken to me. They usually group together and talk. I've been coming since the last Tuesday in January. About a month ago now a new girl around my age came with a client. This is the first time I'd ever seen her. The first week she came she was sitting at a table by herself and the people my age called her over to where they were and introduced themselves and have talked each week since. That hurts. That was me a few months ago, the new girl, and they have still yet to speak one word to me. One more thing to make me like my job a little less.

Vent over. Onslaught of posts, here they come. Mission Arlington and SE Asia are still coming. For real.

Today is a Day

Have you ever said something mainly for yourself and then find out a couple of years later it encouraged someone else? Then they share it and it encouraged someone else. Crazy! I didn't think it would mean anything to anybody.

It goes back to that time right before summer 2009 when a group of us gathered at Hayley's to pray about our summer mission trips. I prayed that we wouldn't look at it as 5 more days until we go home, 4 more days until we get to go home, rather only 5 more days to serve the Lord here, only 4 days left to share the Gospel here, etc... I prayed that mainly for myself. I was going away for 2 months, and that scared me.

Two years later (Summer 2011), incidentally in the same country I spent summer 2009 in, Jessica, who was there that day we prayed, shares with me that she never forgot that prayer and how much of an encouragement that was to her. Then at a BCM leadership meeting about a month ago when they recognized the seniors and people shared a little about them Jessica mentions that.

Today, Gracie told me how much of an encouragement it has been to her. And how she doesn't look at it as just for mission trips but for everyday. Not to just look at the day as 1 more day until the weekend but as a day in itself, today. Live in today. Wham, just like that my encouragement came back to me as encouragement, looking at everyday in that manner and not just mission trips.

Looking at everyday like that echoes back to what Krista said during summer 2009. We're always looking ahead, for the next thing. We miss what's happening now. In class we look to when class ends. On the weekdays we look at how many more days until the weekend. That's the very way I look at time itself. I don't look at time to see what time it is but to see how long until the next hour or a certain time. At 9:40 I don't see that it is 9:40. I see it as 20 more minutes. If someone were to ask what time it was I wouldn't be able to answer; I'd have to look again.

It's not bad or wrong to look ahead. Just don't make that your concentration. Don't lose sight of what is happening here and now.

I am the Prize

What's wrong with being single? Nothing. Lately, though,  it seems others are more interested in me having a relationship than I am. That's not to say I wouldn't like a relationship but I don't want to be the one pursuing. I want to be pursued. It'll happen in God's timing.

Sunday morning I came home from church and my dad says "I need to talk to you." What'd I do? "Someone called for you. It sounded like a young guy. Here's the number." He sounded kind of excited that a guy was calling me. However, he should realize a few things: 1) It showed up on the caller id as Public Survey, 2) I don't give the home number to anybody, 3) Any guy that would be calling me (especially one to be excited about) would know I'm at church during that time.

Today my morning client's dad started asking me about guys...again. I told him briefly about the LSU Hunger Games over the weekend. He asked if I found a prize, and the way he asked it it was obvious he was referring to a guy. Then he proceeded to ask me about firemen, would I be interested in a fireman.

I got to thinking after he asked me if I found a prize, what if I'm not looking for a prize? No, I'm not looking for a prize rather I am the prize waiting to be found. Yeah. That's the way I like to think of it.

Silly things that make me laugh

These are simple things on the internet that either 1)crack me up every time I view them or 2) shouldn't be as hilarious as I find it to be. Occasionally updated.



http://www.buzzfeed.com/daves4/the-43-greatest-unsolved-mysteries-in-life

Selfless Faith

Last night we had TNT at the Greek Amphitheater. It was an amazing night of worship. Worship was actually the topic of the night and that worship isn't just music as we often use the word to mean. But what follows is what I did learn and pray in worship through a song, Hosanna.

"I see a near revival coming as we pray and seek. We're on our knees. We're on our knees." Why am I not on my knees? I want there to be a revival but I'm not praying and seeking for one. With selfless faith Lord, give me selfless faith.

I see the king of glory

Coming on the clouds with fire 

The whole earth shakes

The whole earth shakes

I see his love and mercy
Washing over all my sin

The people sing
The people sing

Hosanna
Hosanna
Hosanna in the highest

I see a generation
Rising up to take their place
With selfless faith
With selfless faith

I see a near revival
Stirring as we pray and seek
We're on our knees
We're on our knees

Heal my heart and make it clean
Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like you have loved me

Break my heart for what breaks yours
Everything I am for your kingdoms cause
As I go from earth into Eternity

Hosanna in the highest

Mission Arlington Post Coming Soon

I needed Mission Arlington. I decided kind of spur of the moment to actually go. I wasn't too excited for it. It was amazing! Longer post coming soon. For real this time (not like I've said about SE Asia time and time again).

Oh happy day!

I got an email from LSU today saying I've been accepted in to the graduate program in speech language pathology! I was previously unsure which school I wanted to go to but I think when I opened that email I became sure. I was happy to be accepted to the others but I'm pretty sure LSU's acceptance made me the happiest. Reading the email was followed by a fist pump in the air and a smile that lasted for quite a while. I've got 1-2 weeks before I have to make the final decision and make it official so even though I'm pretty sure I'll still pray about it.

Answered Prayer

God's timing is wonderful and perfect. Earlier in the week I found out that some of the COMD students going into audiology had started hearing from graduate schools. I knew that meant I should be hearing soon from graduate schools which I was a little worried about.

Tuesday was the first day that I heard of students hearing about audiology.

Wednesday Kallie and I were celebrating pi day together and talking about grad school and I really started to become anxious to hear from the schools I applied to.

Thursday I share this anxiousness with someone and we pray about it.

Friday afternoon I get the mail, which I don't do often, and I had a letter from Southeastern. I have been accepted to SELU's graduate program!

Saturday in the mail I have a letter from ULL. I have been accepted to ULL's graduate program!

I know that it is logical that I heard from the grad schools at this time but it is still serves as another one of those times that come as a strong reminder that God does answer our prayers.

Now to continue praying as I have yet to hear from LSU and I will have to make a decision on which school to go to.

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. Philippians 4:6

Lindsay's Lessons

Today I had lunch with Lindsay, which is always great. She gave me 4 rules. Here they are:

1. Know your worth.

2. Be a cake.

3. Be who you are looking for.

4. Be taken.

It's Been a Good Week

Last Friday on my way to work I was thinking. Yesterday when everybody asked how my week was or how work was all I did is complain. Yes, I am being honest about it but who really wants to hear about how unhappy someone else is. So, I decided it's no fun for others to have to hear about how unhappy I am, and it's certainly no fun for me to be so unhappy. I must find a way to be happy with this job. Something to make my weeks good. This week has proved to be a good week. I just needed that little something something to make each day special.

Monday I went to the BCM. I got to see a few friends and have free lunch. Then I got to enjoy laying on the parade ground and digging into the Word. I wish I could have stayed out there a lot longer but, alas, I did have to leave and go to work.

Tuesday the Jefferson College Ministry provided food to the FCA at LSU. I went there straight from work. I really enjoyed it. Marla and her husband (I can't remember his name), who are in charge of the FCA, talked about relationships.

Wednesday, my long 12 hour day, I wasn't sure how to make it a good day. I'm with the first client for so long on Wednesdays so I decided we should go somewhere because that would take up more time. We went to the LSU Museum of Natural Science and to see Mike the Tiger. Mike, of course, was sleeping. I hadn't been to the museum in so many years so that was nice. And just simply being on campus during the day surrounded by people was great!

Thursdays I always have TNT that I look forward to. Although, I must admit I didn't enjoy it as much as usual. Not because of TNT itself but because of me. I was so tired and had had a headache since before I went.

Friday nothing to special happened. I needed to ask to switch some of my hours around for 3 days. I was kind of afraid to ask. I opened my planner and just sat with it in my lap for at least five minutes trying find the words to use. It was a success though! I got the hours for two Mondays switched and the Friday that I was asking if I could leave about an hour early she told me I could go ahead and just take the day off!

So it was a good work week. Then tonight I went to my first baseball game. LSU v. Michigan. Robbie, Charles, J, Hayden, and I had supper at Mellow Mushroom and the went to the game. It was fun but a little boring too. There's not a lot of action in baseball.

Hopefully next week can be just as a good a week as this one was.

I Miss People

I don't think people really understand what I mean when I say that I miss people. I've had a few people say they're so busy with school and what not that they miss people too. Here's the thing though, I don't have school. I don't even get the socialization of being with people my age in a class, saying hey to a friend you unexpectedly pass, seeing friends. I have my mom, sister, dad, a 78 y/o lady, a developmentally disabled guy who doesn't talk to me, and another one who I'm just not sure what to talk about yet. I miss people.

SE Asia 2011: Leading up to it

During the end of summer 2010 at Glorieta I was already starting to think about what the next summer would hold. I began praying about where I would go, if anywhere, but I knew I wanted to go serve. There was a bit of an emphasis on England and Canada at Glorieta, or at least that's what it seemed like to me.

As I prayed about where the Lord would send me I kind of already had a specific project in England in my mind. I tried not to focus my prayer on just that project but where ever the Lord wanted me to go. SE Asia came to my mind as I prayed. I just pushed that thought aside the first time or two. But the more I prayed the more it kept coming to mind. Ok Lord, I hear you, I'm going to keep praying about this.

One night I'm getting something to eat with Jessica and Sarah at Koi. Jessica mentions she was thinking about going back to SE Asia. Message received Lord. I'm going to SE Asia. I tell Jessica I'd been praying about where to go and SE Asia kept coming back to me. And so the planning began.

Picking the dates was tricky. July was decided but exact dates were not yet settled on yet. My best friend was getting married in July and I'm supposed to be a bridesmaid. I can't miss her wedding. College week in Glorieta is in the beginning of August. I really want to go back to it. It was life changing for me last year. Wedding is July 16. Glorieta is Aug 6. That's only 3 weeks. We want to go 4 weeks. Maybe I could join late or leave early? I want to so much to go to Glorieta but that's what will be left out if something has to, which something will. SE Asia will certainly be life changing. I'll be able to grow and mature and all that in SE Asia, in different ways than I would at Glorieta but it's still be a blessing.

Finally one night, I want to say it was in November but I could be wrong, I finally decide to really pray about it all. Lord the situation is in Your hands. I know both things can't happen. Let me be okay with missing out on Glorieta. Missing out on it to be in SE Asia will be so worth it. Work in the situation so it'll be what you have planned.

Next afternoon, about 4 something, I get a text from Ashley. The wedding is going to be moved up a week. Are. You. Serious!? I wasn't expecting the Lord to answer my prayer so soon. And to answer in that way. Lord you are so good. I'm sorry for doubting.

Dates are set July 6th- August 6th. Wedding is July 9th. I'll join the group just a couple of days late. I don't remember everbody's flight schedule but I remember that mine travel days and arrival, all that jazz, was taking one less day then everyone elses. I forgot how exactly but I think it's because I didn't have any long layovers and the time I arrived would allow me to get to the home sleep the night and jump right in the next day/technically the same day I arrived.

There was some stress with all the planning. That's when I started losing sleep. When I would turn out the light to go to sleep that's when all the thoughts about the summer would just hit me, things that still needed to be done, and etc. It would keep me up at least a couple extra hours. I had never had a problem like this before and unfortunately it hasn't ended with SE Asia. Now other things that stress me out now have the ability to keep me up. :( But anyway back to SE Asia.

Despite those times of stress, I have no doubt that SE Asia is where the Lord wanted to send me during the summer.

Happy Moments

There are two things from the past week that brought happiness.

1. The prayer of a child. "God, I pray for everyone and everybody. Amen."

2. BlueBell Mardi Gras King Cake icecream.

Happy Birthday to me!

If you're thinking, "wait, you're birthday is in January," then you are right. My birthday is in January. But today is my spiritual birthday. 8 years.

I can remember where I was throughout the next day when I told people. I told my mom in the car waiting at the bus stop. I told Rebecca in the cafeteria, the one in the 8th grade hall. I'm not sure if I called Ashley and told her on the phone or if I told her on aim. I do know I was on aim with her when I called Patti.

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!

2 Corinthians 5:17

Money Can't Buy Happy

This week can be summed up as unhappy.

I've really learned what it means that money can't buy happiness. I have a job and get paid to do a lot of nothing. You would think that would be enjoyable but I am so unhappy. The only reason I haven't quit yet is because I don't know what I would do. Honestly though I don't know how much longer I can stay at this job if I'm always going to be this unhappy.

She Let Herself Go

*post was originally started on 12/12/11. Just now finishing it on 02/19/12. New addition in bold.*

I let myself go. No, not in the George Strait song kind of way. Cyber Monday sales got me. I was doing some Christmas shopping on Amazon and had also conveniently got an email from Amazon about their Cyber Monday book sale. One or two books turned into seven .

• Every Young Woman's Battle
• Every Woman's Battle
• Passion and Purity
• Lady in Waiting
• I Kissed Dating Goodbye
• Boy Meets Girl
• Sex is Not the Problem, Lust is.

I felt a little ridiculous after ordering all those but all those books and a couple of other items and it was about $55, that's the total with the shipping. A pretty good deal. But still why did I buy so many relationship/purity books!?

I still don't know what came over me with this purchase. I for once wasn't wanting to be in a relationship. I was in a pretty good place of just enjoying life, no crushes. I had previously read Every Young Woman's Battle and wanted to get it for myself. Books were on sale so sure, I'll get that one. But I'm growing up, not a teenager anymore, might as well get Every Woman's Battle too. I read someone else's blog and they raved about how good Passion and Purity is. I'm not sure how the others got in there. Amazon started suggesting books. The last three listed are by the same author, so I guess I felt like I needed the collection. Although, I'm pretty sure he has more.

Now I will finally start reading them. Maybe (big maybe) I'll post reviews or thoughts I about them.

Working Girl

I finally started working last Tuesday. It's had its ups and downs. The other job I applied for didn't happen. I had the interview. I thought things went pretty well. I have a college degree in a very much related field, but I never heard back. I really wanted the job too :(.

The current job isn't really bad. It's mainly just the hours don't work well with the few other things I do, although I am thankful to be able to have earlier hours on Thursdays and they've been flexible and allowed me to switch up hours one other day last week and this week. Daytime hours would just work so much better for me. Better pay would be nice, especially with the driving I do for the job.

But the job is a blessing. For starters, I have a job while so many people are unemployed. Also, the family is a blessing. I can't go into much detail because of their privacy. Let's just put it this way, they were dealing with what they're dealing with before much of anything was known about it, which is kind of fascinating and inspiring. I'm also learning from this job.

With all that being said though I have still been looking for another job. A little while ago a friend called me with a possible opportunity. As much as yes I do want something else I feel guilty when I think about quitting and leaving the family without a worker. Hopefully a worker can be found quickly if I do leave. I just can't shake the feeling of feeling like I've wronged them by coming into their lives, their home, and then leaving after such a short time. Much to be prayed about.