SE Asia 2011: Challenges

I often describe this trip as the most challenging. People ask why but it is not easy to sum up in a simple word or two, or even a sentence or two. There’s the day I refer to as the day of tears, the immense pain during the last week-week and a half, and many emotional, mental, and spiritual challenges.

I wanted to be there but it’s like my heart was not there. It wasn’t at home either though. I never felt homesick on this trip. The only people I missed were the rest of the group when we were split up in our different locations. Even that seems contradictory when I mention the next challenge.

I did not feel close to anyone. I love each of my team mates very much but on the trip I did not feel close to them. That started pretty much the moment I met up with the girls. When I got off the airplane I was trying to hold back my smile so people didn’t look at me weird but inwardly I was beaming I was so excited to be there. I couldn’t wait to join everyone. When I met up with the girls I was hoping for at least a little excitement, “Emily’s here!” I don’t really think anything was said but if something were it would have been like this, “Oh. Hey.” At least when the guys joined us that night they seemed excited I had arrived.  I know this trip was in no way about me so I hope I am not making it sound that way. I just had all this excitement about being there and wanted someone to share with me in that excitement and it seemed no one did.

Not only did I not feel close to my team mates but I didn’t feel like I made any close relationships with the people there. I think it takes me a while to make relationship with people and so in the short time we were there it just didn’t happen.

Harder than the other two challenges of not feeling close was feeling distant from the Lord. I would read my Bible for hours at a time and then have no clue what I read or only get maybe 2 pages read. It was just so hard to sense the Lord’s presence.

The day of tears needs a post of its own but a summary of it would be death, darkness, and misunderstandings.

The pain. I am about 90% sure I cracked a rib or two. If not cracked then I bruised them very, very badly. I didn’t realize this until a few months ago though, when I finally looked up signs and symptoms of a cracked rib.  After being in SE Asia only a few days I started coughing and got a runny nose. That didn’t really surprise me. Same thing happened the first time. The coughing never stopped though. It just got worse. I don’t know if it was that bad in the first half of the trip but it certainly was in the second half. I was coughing so much and so hard that my back hurt, my chest hurt, even my neck hurt. I could not take a deep breath or sigh. Laying down on my back hurt. There were moments I wanted to cry because it hurt so bad. There were two nights where I slept propped up against my backpack because it was the only way to find some sort of comfort. I guess I never made it known how much pain I truly was in.

So there is no denying I had many challenges but when I look around these challenges the Lord was working through them and despite them.