Time Flies

"Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana." That sentence is on the board in the student workroom at school. Boy has time flown! February is almost over.

I would like to say for the most part things have been looking up, but there have certainly been plenty of hurdles. I am continually having to learn to give things up to the Lord. I have spent a lot of time in prayer and know I have had other people praying for me.

28 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30

At the end of January, during a break during class, my professor asked me how the semester was going. I was able to tell her I felt overwhelmed with everything and struggling to get back into the swing of things, class and clinic. The next day, there were several people in the workroom all sharing the same thoughts of just feeling kind of lost in what they were doing. That same day during clinic, my supervisor came in and walked me through something, explaining everything we were doing and why. These events made me realize two things: 1) I am not alone. Other people are struggling too, maybe not as much, maybe even more. 2) The  teachers/supervisors are not out to get us. They want us to do well and they want to help.

So things were starting to look up. Then that weekend was CEC which was pretty good. I continued, however, being apathetic towards school, and began falling even further behind. Even so though, things overall were remaining more on the positive side, I would say.

Then the weekend of Feb. 15 was another set back. Things took a turn downward again. That was mainly all the struggling with the loss from Pediatria. Monday, I met with a professor about other stuff but just briefly was able to share how things have been going and how overwhelmed I was feeling. After that I feel like I have been getting my act together.

I still have a lot of catching up to do, but I am making progress.

In news, other than school, things seem to being getting better too. I have made friends I would not have expected to make, at least not so quickly and easily. The Lord has provided opportunities to reach out to others and invite them to get involved at the BCM or church. Seriously, He has so freely provided opportunities without even having to look for them. I think maybe sometimes we might get caught up too much in looking for opportunities to share that we miss the ones that are right there in front of us. You really don't have to look too far or hard.

Thursday night at TNT they did a throwback Thursday, 90's TNT. Oh, it was so wonderful! It was a time to laugh and have fun and praise the Lord. One of the songs we sung was Breathe. The Monday before that TNT, and possibly other days that week,  as I was walking to my car this song kept coming to me so I would sing it to myself, thinking about how true it is, how truly desperate and lost I am. Then we sang it on Thursday! The Lord know what we need to hear, when we need to hear it.

This is the air I breathe 

This is the air I breath 

 Your holy presence living in me 

This is my daily bread

This is my daily bread

Your very word spoken to me 

And I, I'm desperate for You 

And I, I'm lost without You 

Similar things happened with Bible study last week. I had been neglecting my quiet time and MasterLife Bible Study. Well, when I dove back in one of the verses was Joshua 1:8. In the beginning of the year when I started getting serious about a quiet time and was doing a 30 day challenge the verses on the third day were Joshua 1:8-9. I even wrote them on a sticky note and put it on my mirror. What a reminder to stay in the Word! Meditate on it day and night.

8 Do not let this Book of the Law depart from your mouth; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful. 9 Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:8-9

Hopefully, I will stay in the Word and continue spending time with the Lord, and hopefully things will continue to look up.

Sometimes You Just Have to Ask

Why God? Why?

Why do you allow innocent children to be born with disabilities?

This has been something  I have been struggling with a little bit for the past couple of weeks, but it was made all the more prevalent and difficult on Friday.

This semester one of my clinics is at Pediatria. Pediatria, in a nutshell, is a day healthcare center for medically complex and fragile children. I just love those sweet children. Well, Friday we were told one of the babies passed away. I know I saw this baby, but I honestly do not remember them. That however, does not make it hurt any less. My heart breaks for the family.

Let us go back to when I first really started to struggle with this. At CEC (Collegieate Evangelism Conference) a couple of weeks ago one of the seminars I went to was Responding to the Problem of Evil led by Dr. Steven B. Cowan. One of the arguments is the evidential problem of evil. This next part is an excerpt directly from his handout:

The Evidential Problem of Evil

This version of the problem alleges that God's existence incompatible with a certain kind of evil that exists, namely, with pointless or gratuitous evil- evil that God could not use to bring about a greater good. 

           (1) If God exists, there would be no pointless evil. 

           (2) There is pointless evil. 

           (3) Therefore, God does not exist.  

Well before he even began discussing it I was questioning number 2, thinking there are no pointless evils. A little farther down the handout was this:

Overturning the evidential argument from evil:

         (1) If God exists, there are no pointless evils.

         (2) God exists.

         (3) Therefore, there are no pointless evils.

Okay, so there are no pointless evils. Discussion began and some things were mentioned like the Holocaust and slavery. They were/are horrible. I am not at all happy they happened/are still happening. Somehow though, I can see there is a point in them. I cannot put into words what the point is, I am not sure I even know what the point is, but I have no problem believing there is a point. That is when I thought about the children at Pediatria. What about children born with disabilities, syndromes, diseases, etc.? What is the point in that? Innocent children being born who will never have a "normal" life. Children who will not make it to their 10th birthday, even their 5th birthday. I cannot see any point.

There is a little voice in me that has been saying do not question God. Do not ask Him why. It has me so upset right now though and a bit angry at God. I believe it is okay to ask why and it is okay to be angry, but I need to be honest with God about it. Asking why leads to praying, crying out to God (if you know me, you know I was blessed/cursed with a sensitive soul so there has indeed been crying), and seeking answers and understanding.

This is my struggle. I do not understand now, and it may take time, but I believe in some way there has to be a greater good. I do not know this greater good, so, in the meantime I will keep seeking.

A Few Quotes

I will soon (hopefully) get around to an update on life. I have lots to say. In the meantime, as I'm taking a break from school stuff, I'll try to declutter my desktop and all the post-its I have open on it. These are just quotes I've been making note of for the past several months. For most of them I can still recall who posted them, when, and where. 

"Let's be the generation that closes the 10/40 window through prayer and commissioning. Pray for salvations. Give your life away. Go for the sake of the Gospel. 

All Peoples, All Nations." 

Cameron posted that on facebook. I actually don't recall when. I only met him once, half way around the world in SE Asia, and coincidentally we both went to South Africa in the same summer but at slightly different times. He did meet and work with people from the LSU BCM when he was in South Africa. Small world! He has such a huge heart for missions and if I'm not mistaken he has applied to be a journey man. Definitely a reminder and a challenge in his post. 

"The tomb is empty. The throne is occupied."

That was retweeted by Norman several months ago.  Such short statements but so powerful.

"The Son of God became a man to enable men to become sons of God."

"Once in our world, a stable had something in it that was bigger than our whole world."

Both C.S. Lewis quotes posted on facebook by Brett near Christmas. That's probably a prime example of you don't ever know who actually reads what you post. These just leave me humbled and in awe of God.

"Don't be afraid to let things get awkward. It means you're being real and vulnerable and creating relationships with depth."

"The right relationship won't distract you away from God, but attract you to God." 

"Let's all stop concentrating on trying to find the right one and start asking God to mold us into the right one."

All three are tweets or tumblr posts from Coleen York. I love reading her posts.  Her post always seem to have a way of challenging and encouraging at the same time.  I may hang onto what she says a little too much though. I have multiple times references something in one of her posts or shared posts with friends.