Encouragement and Hope from the Past

I've been going back and reading some of my past posts. I kind of hate reading what I write (type), but it was not too bad. I actually was encouraged by some of the stuff I posted. Is that prideful? I think I really needed to see my post from the new year 2011. It contained Lifehouse lyrics to "Hanging by a Moment."

Desperate for changing 

Starving for truth 

I'm closer to where I started 

Chasing after you 

I'm falling even more in love with you 

Letting go of all I've held onto 

I'm standing here until you make me move 

I'm hanging by a moment here with you 

Forgetting all I'm lacking 

Completely incomplete 

I'll take your invitation 

You take all of me now

I'm falling even more in love with you 

Letting go of all I've held onto 

I'm standing here until you make me move 

I'm hanging by a moment here with you 

I'm living for the only thing I know 

I'm running and not quite sure where to go 

And I don't know what I'm diving into 

Just hanging by a moment here with you 

There's nothing else to lose 

There's nothing else to find 

There's nothing in the world 

That can change my mind 

There is nothing else 

There is nothing else 

There is nothing else 

Desperate for changing 

Starving for truth 

I'm closer to where I started 

Chasing after you 

I'm falling even more in love with you 

Letting go of all I've held onto 

I'm standing here until you make me move 

I'm hanging by a moment here with you 

I'm living for the only thing I know 

I'm running and not quite sure where to go 

And I don't know what I'm diving into 

Just hanging by a moment here with you 

Just hanging by a moment (here with you) 

Hanging by a moment (here with you) 

Hanging by a moment here with you 

I pretty much just want this song to be my prayer for this year, with the you referring to the Lord. I want to let go of all the downcast thoughts and feelings I have started this year with and just give the year to the Lord. Surrender it all to Him, knowing and trusting that whatever and wherever, it is in His hands. 

It is not easy. I am a human, a female, with thoughts and emotions. I cannot just block them all out, but what I can do is surrender them to the Lord. I can tell Him everything that is going on in life. I can let Him lead.

Though my life, my trials, what I am going through does not at all compare to what Christians faced in Biblical times (and what many Christians still face) and what Peter was referring to I still refer to these verses:

In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith- of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by by fire- may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory, and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving te goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls. 1 Peter 1:6-9

Out with the old, In with the new

I have seen many people post that they are glad 2012 is over with, good riddance. They are ready for a new year, a better year. I am coming into 2013 with rather opposite feelings. I think 2012 was a pretty darn good year, and I know I am not starting 2013 off with the most positive of emotions. Let's start with 2012 though.

2012: In Review

I began my first post college job as a personal care attendant. Though I was not particularly fond of the job, I still have to overall count it as a positive experience. It was in a way my first taste of the real world: job applications, interviews, training, two weeks notice, quitting. I quit my first post college job. Like I said, overall positive experience, learning experience, but it was not working out. It was not the job for me. 

I had a summer that I initially thought was the worst summer in a while. It contained several appointments. I did not go anywhere or do anything too extraordinary. As the summer began to come to an end though I realized how much of a time it was of spiritual growth. Because of the events of the summer I began to truly understand what it means to know the peace that only the Lord gives. I have learned what it means to find your joy in the Lord. This peace and joy is something I would not trade for anything. I only wish I could truly explain the wonders and amazingness, the life-changingness,  of it to everyone. 

I was accepted into graduate school and completed my first semester. Like with nearly everything, it definitely had its ups and downs, but with the new perspective of what I leaned through the summer it was all okay. I made it through the semester. 

Many of my friends moved away or had moved away the previous year. This, I realize, does not seem like a good thing, but because of their absence I made more friends. "Make new friends, but keep the old. One is silver, and the other is gold." I made new friends and became better friends with people I already knew. If you look at each of us individually these friendships may seem pretty random, but they are great. I cannot express how thankful I am for each of my friends, new and old, and how much I love them. 

So yeah, I would say 2012 contained some good times. 

2013: Let's Begin

As I am typing this it has been 2013 for about 22 hours. Not much has happened yet. I am not one for making New Year's resolutions. I usually have the basic things I want to change or add: spend time daily with the Lord and reading my Bible, run/exercise. Actually, those are the only two I can immediately think of right now. As this article, Why Your New Year's Resolutions Won't Work, basically says most of our resolutions are not just one year resolutions. They are not things we want to change and do just for this year. They are lifetime resolutions. I am not sure where I was headed with the resolutions thing and that article. It was a good read though. 

I do not know if the following really has to do with resolutions or not. All I know about this new year so far is that I have begun it carrying over emotions I would have rather left behind in 2012. I am painfully aware of the jealousy and insecurities that I have been struggling with recently, and I have begun 2013 with them still raging. As much as I would like to just chuck them into the old year I cannot. They remain. It is just something to pray about and work through as I have done before. As I feel I have been saying quite a bit lately, time and prayer will bring healing. 

I guess, right now, those feelings are overshadowing a positive outlook for the new year. I was reading New Year's traditions and superstitions. One was do not cry on New Year's because it will bring unhappiness for the rest of the year. No problem. I am a little upset but I am not going to cry. I guess I thought a little too hard for a little too long about those feelings though because I was caught unawares as one tear trickled down my cheek earlier tonight. Cursed tear of betrayal!

Maybe I should wrap this post up before I start rambling and really getting off topic (like talking about my guilty pleasure of new shampoo and how good my hair smells). 2013 still has 364 more days, so I cannot right it off already as a bad year. I just have some trials to work through first. Nothing time and prayer won't heal.