So much on my mind...

that I just have to get some of it out.

Do you ever have those times when you think about something or a situation in your life and see it working out in a certain way and think "Somebody's been praying for me." That happened a week or so ago. I was thinking about something. Something I should of been praying about myself but the thought of praying about it never even occurred to me. Then I realized the situation was changing some in a good way. And when I thought about it I don't know how to describe it other than this overwhelming thought and feeling that someone has been praying for me. Not knowing what was going on or what the situation was but praying for me. There has also been specific moments when, the ones I recall have been on mission trips, when I felt like someone was praying for me at that very moment. I believe it. I believe in prayer.

Some of the changes I've wanted to make, I have. And so far have been successful at keeping at them. Some of the little changes that I don't know if I ever even mentioned help make a difference in the long run. I say long run, it's only Jan. 20. I feel like having a clean room, organized, rearranged, fresh color, it all equals a fresh start. Putting clothes where they go, putting stuff back where I took it from, preparing the night before for when I wake up. Little things. Little things can lead to big things.

School started Tuesday. I've only gone to school for three days and it feels like so much! I have classes 5 days a week! I don't like this! I let myself get spoiled having just Tuesday, Thursday classes the past 2 semesters (with a lab one other day, each semester).

I tried to put a bunch of positive stuff. Hopefully let it outweigh the negative I need to get out. I'll make it brief, put it all in one paragraph. I am so tired. I haven't been sleeping well for the past week, maybe even longer. I'm beyond just sleepy tired. My body is tired... Summer planning. Stressing me out. I feel like I'm causing so many problems with it. And none of it should be about me to begin with but that's how I feel I am making everything, about me... Ever feel like you're not good enough. I'm sure we all do at some point. That's not quite the feeling I'm trying to describe but close enough.

I need to rely on God.

New Year=changes

Of course as a New Year begins I have big plans. Big plans on how I will make this year be so much better. So far it's working. Will things go as smoothly once school starts? I certainly hope so. No I don't just hope so, I pray so.

Getting my room redone, clean, organized, in order, getting rid of crap I don't need or want. I feel like that little change, actually kinda big change (room went from turquoise to purple!), is motivation to get and keep everything else in order.

I could go through all the changes I want to make but I'm not. I don't want to make them so concrete as putting them in words. That way it's no that they're no things to change or work on and get to a certain point but they can constantly be changing. Like there is no certain point where the change is done and made. It's not a onetime thing but a continual life change. I feel like that does not at all sound like what my mind is saying.

This year begins (and every subsequent year) my utmost for His glory. My best for His glory. Jan. 1 My Utmost for His Highest.

As I was running today I was listening to my ipod. I don't normally do this but today I just felt like having music. The first song was Hanging by a Moment by Lifehouse. It says it so perfectly.

Desperate for changing

Starving for truth

I'm closer to where I started

Chasing after you

I'm falling even more in love with you

Letting go of all I've held onto

I'm standing here until you make me move

I'm hanging by a moment here with you

Forgetting all I'm lacking

Completely incomplete

I'll take your invitation

You take all of me now...

I'm falling even more in love with you

Letting go of all I've held onto

I'm standing here until you make me move

I'm hanging by a moment here with you

I'm living for the only thing I know

I'm running and not quite sure where to go

And I don't know what I'm diving into

Just hanging by a moment here with you

There's nothing else to lose

There's nothing else to find

There's nothing in the world

That can change my mind

There is nothing else

There is nothing else

There is nothing else

Desperate for changing

Starving for truth

I'm closer to where I started

Chasing after you....

I'm falling even more in love with you

Letting go of all I've held onto

I'm standing here until you make me move

I'm hanging by a moment here with you

I'm living for the only thing I know

I'm running and not quite sure where to go

And I don't know what I'm diving into

Just hanging by a moment here with you

Just hanging by a moment (here with you)

Hanging by a moment (here with you)

Hanging by a moment here with you

"Desperate for changing." Changing my life. "Starving for truth." The truth of the Gospel, the turth of Christ. "I'm closer to where I started chasing after you." Going back to the way it was when I started following Christ. When I couldn't get enough of Him. "I'm falling even more in love with you. Letting go of all I've held onto." Nothing else needs to matter. Letting go of everything I'm putting before God. Letting go of so desperately wanting a relationship other than a relationship with Christ. Falling in love with Christ. "I'm standing here until you make me move. I'm hanging by a moment here with you." Just me and God. Waiting to awaken again to his glory. His wonderful glory. I know it has gone nowhere. I've just been failing to seek it and recognize it.

"Forgetting all I'm lacking. Completely incomplete. I'll take your invitation. You'll take all of me." Doesn't matter who I am or where I am in life. I'll never be perfect. Christ takes me as I am. He will use me as I am. Of course I should strive to be more like Him daily, but He's not going to wait until I get to such and such point before He can use me.

"I'm living for the only thing I know." Living for Christ. "I'm running and not quite sure where to go." Doesn't matter. Just go. Willing to go anywhere. Go out everyday. Go out and trust in Christ. My Utmost for His Highest Jan. 2. "Don't know what I'm diving into." I don't know what life in complete surrender to Christ will bring.

"There's nothing else to lose. There's nothing else to find. There's nothing in the world that can change my mind. There is nothing else." I have all I need. Christ is all.