All That You Are

I'm about to get really real in this post.

Let me start by saying my best friend since we were babies in the nursery, Ashley Wilks, is engaged! I couldn't be more excited and happy for her! Every time I think about it, which in the just over 24 hours that I've known, I think omg I can't believe she's engaged!

Andrew and Ashley engaged!

No lie, Wednesday morning I was thinking and praying about relationships. I thought about Ashley and Andrew. I was wondering when they would get engaged. I mean I knew it was coming but just not when. I think most of us knew it was eventually coming. Then I was thinking what if my best friend gets engaged before I've ever even had a boyfriend. What happens the next day, Thursday? She gets engaged. Thinking about it now it's pretty laughable, how I was thinking that and then bam!

I was also kind of having a pity party for myself, by myself. Feeling a little sorry for myself that I haven't had a boyfriend. In truth I'm not sorry. Do I wish I was in a relationship or I'd been in at least one by this age? Yes, at times I do. I want to feel liked, really liked, eventually loved. I want all those firsts: that first real date, first boyfriend, first kiss. But I also recognize (though clearly not all the time or the afore mentioned pity would not of occured) that waiting on God's timing will be worth it. It may be hard but it's really out of my control. It will make all those first that much more special though. I need to be using this time of singleness to serve Him without distractions, in a way that I may not be able to once in a relationship, once hopefully married one day.

So I was driving to work today listening to Rachel Ruth. I've heard all the songs before. This was my second or third time listening to it since yesterday evening. That's when these lines hit me, "This hole in my soul is shaped just like you, but I've filled it with less more than a time or two." Wow. That's what I needed. When I get caught up in this longing for love from someone else and feeling sorry I'm not trusting God and seeking Him. I need to give my heart to Him, my whole heart. I need to love the Lord with every fiber of my being. All this other stuff, whatever it is, will not fill the void. No matter how much I try only He can fill it. And He loves me. He loves me more than I can imagine and this I too often forget.

All That You Are

I have strayed far enough to see
I am not enough for me
This hole in my soul is shaped just like You
But I've filled it with less more than a time or two
Now I've come to my end, I'm empty again
All I know to do
Is finally surrender
And run home to my Savior
Turn back to the time when I first believed that all that You are is all that I need

I run far enough to know
The peace I need I left back home
My restlessness can only rest in You
I've tried other things but those other things just won't do
I've been away but I'm back to day
And all I want is You
I've finally surrendered
And run home to my Savior
Turn back to the time when I first believed that all that You are is all that I need

I finally surrender
And run home to my Savior
Turn back to the time that I first believed that all that you are is all that I need
I'm coming back home because God I believe that all that You are is all that I need
All that i need
All that i need

So I had that little revelation. Then I got home and looked at the lyrics to the rest of the song and this little revelation continued some more. In the very next lines. "Now I've come to my end I'm empty again. All I know to do is finally surrender and run home to my Savior. Turn back to the time when I first believed that all that You are is all that I need." This is very much true. The lines that came right before it is why I'm at my end, why I'm empty. The thing is I shouldn't come to my end. I shouldn't let myself get empty. When I do, it is because I'm trying to do things on my own accord and not trusting in the Lord. If I just trust in Him, fully trust in Him, trust that He is all I need then I won't get to that point of being empty. However, I haven't been trusty fully in Him and that is why I am again surrendering and running back to Him.