7 months and 1 day

December 17, 2014

For the past seven months and one day God has been good. God was good before then. God will be good after then. God is good.

God has been good in ways I did not expect. You see, sometimes we don't always recognize the ways God is good. We want Him to be good how we want him to. Make sense? Our plans. Our desires. Our ways. Time and again He always shows that He is good in his own ways.

May 16, 2014 I graduated. I thought I'd have no trouble finding a job. As classmates were getting jobs before we even graduated I started stressing a little bit about getting a job. A friend kept reminding me that it was 7 months after he graduated before he was able to get a job. I (foolishly) thought there's no way it'll take 7 months for me to get a job. Somehow because that's just how my crazy (or some would say weird)  mind works that became my precedent- getting a job before 7 months. Summer kept creeping by and I still had no job. Four months and I'm thinking this really is a problem. I need a job. People are reassuring me that it was five months before they got a job. My turn is coming; there is a job out there for me.  Five months comes with the thoughts of I'm a failure. What am I doing wrong? Why can't I get a job? Seriously, I'm pretty sure I'm the only one from my class without a job. Seven months is coming pretty soon and nothing is looking hopeful. These thoughts came with the constant reminders from friends not to compare myself to others. Constant encouragement and prayer from both friends and acquaintances. Well, here comes 6 months, fraught with a mini breakdown or two and month seven looming right around the corner.

Less than a week before the 7th month mark I get a call for an interview. At seven months and one day I have an interview, and I am given a job. Rejoice!

In these past seven months (and a day ;-)) I have been humbled, I've been made to think, I've been challenged, I've learned more who I am and what I like, and I have changed. Through this time and experiences God has taught me and instilled in me new interests and passions.Volunteering with Live2Serve and substituting at Mother's Day Out are the two biggest avenues through which these things have occurred.

Live2Serve
I had heard about Live2Serve (L2S) and heard stories from it for a few years. Every time I would hear something about L2S part of me wanted to volunteer with it, but I never had or made time to volunteer. This summer I was in a Bible study and on the very first day of the study was something that made me think of L2S. Then when we met to discuss the Bible study that week there was a lot of talk about serving. To me it was loud and clear that the Lord was telling me now is my chance. I don't have school. I don't have a job. It was still a few weeks before I finally took action and started volunteering. In mid-July I began volunteering, and I didn't really enjoy it at first. I'm not all that into sports and games. The children can be wild and loud. It can be rough. I knew that's where the Lord wanted me though. I prayed about it and stuck with it. My heart gradually changed and I began enjoying it more. When a child draws a butterfly in chalk and writes I love you Emily, then asks, "Did you know love is a very powerful word?" and writes to: my best friend Emily. Or when a child runs out of their house and nearly tackles you to the ground with a hug. Those are the moments that make it worth it. Those are the moments when you realize you must be doing something right. Simply being there, caring, and showing God's love is enough.

Mother's Day Out
A friend's mom asked if I'd be interested in subbing at Mother's Day Out (MDO) while I was still looking for a job. I was convinced kids hated me and didn't really want to sub at MDO, but I thought it'd only be a once or twice a month sort of job. I could manage that, and it would be nice to have a little extra cash so I said yes. Subbing very quickly became an at least once or twice a week job. I began unsure and just hoping to make it through. I'm ending loving those children, especially my little 2 year olds, and being sad that I won't see them anymore. I'm ending wishing that taking a permanent position there as a teacher would have been a feasible possibility. I'm ending with every crying child, every dirty diaper changed, every "mommy?", every "EM-MEE!", all of it being completely worth it. It was so wonderful to have something to do, something I ended up enjoying far more than I imagined, during this time of searching and waiting.

So how have I changed? What have I learned?

I've learned how to serve where I'm at. I've always been globally, international mission minded. It's like serving or doing missions in my own community didn't make sense to me. I just didn't get it. But now I've learned to be locally mission minded. I've learned kids don't hate me (some even love me!). I've learned to loosen up, have fun, and play (although this one could still probably use some more work). I've learned that I want to work with children (at least for now). After an interview which would have been working with adults I realized I would be kind of sad if I wasn't working with children. I have changed. A friend even commented that I am a totally different person from last year.

I thank the Lord for a job, but I also thank the Lord for the past seven months and one day!

'Twas the Night of Christ's Birth

This is something I started writing a year or two ago and never finished. About a week or so ago, I pulled it out again and was determined to finish it by this Christmas. And finish it I did! I may still make some edits, but I think for the most part this is the final product.

'Twas the Night of Christ's Birth

'Twas the night of Christ's birth, when up in the sky

Was the star of Bethlehem, shining on high

And from Nazareth, a town in Galilee

Was a betrothed couple Joseph and Mary

Caesar Augustus had called for a census

God had bigger plans like the birth of Jesus

Mary and Joseph, it was just she and him

As they journeyed to the town of Bethlehem

The inns were all full, no rooms were available

So there they took rest and gave birth in a stable

Among the animals in a bed made of hay

There in a manger they put the child down to lay

Cows, horse, donkeys, sheep, maybe nothing at all

It is not known what was in the stable stall

But there were two parents who loved their child greatly

Their duty to raise him they accepted bravely

It was an extra-ordinary event

The long expected and anticipated advent

Born of a virgin, the expected one has come

An heir to the throne, He is God's only son

As they were told they gave the child the name Jesus

The Lord saves, Immanuel- God with us

He was born so that one day he would save through the cross

But now in a manger he lies wrapped in cloths

Shepherds were keeping watch over their flocks by night

When an angel appeared and gave them a fright

Do not be afraid the angels proclaimed

A Savior's been born, Jesus he is named

Joining the angels, a heavenly host did appear

They were praising God, there was nothing to fear

It was a meeting of the high and the low

The angels above and the shepherds below

God's holy army and the keeper of sheep

For the first time that Christmas night they did meet

"Glory to God in the highest and peace to men" 

This they declared and returned back to heaven

To find baby Jesus, the shepherds they went

What they had seen- to others word was sent

"A babe has been born and he will be King

Salvation to all is what he will bring"

All who heard this wondrous news were amazed

As shepherd returned exalting God with voices raised

While Mary pondered over all that had occurred

Just as it was predicted years ago in the word

Then some years later still following the star

The wise men they traveled from land a-far

They came bearing gifts of gold, incense, and myrrh

They came to praise, worship, and adore

A humble beginning and a triumphant end

One day ev'ry heart will praise, ev'ry knee will bend

Praising the one who was born Christmas day

The one who was born to lead the way

And today people from all over the earth

Take time and remember that most special birth

For the birth of our Lord Jesus Christ is the reason

We have joy and celebrate this Christmas season

Losing Friends To Do What I Like

"What do you like to do?" The question that started it all.

Recently a friend asked me a couple of questions that I wasn't able to accurately answer. Questions I went home and thought about. And then thought some more. Maybe too much.

One of those questions was, "what do you like to do?" What do I like to do? I actually made a list of things I like to do. Though it might be more accurate to say things I used to like to do. It wasn't a long list, yet most of the things on it I hadn't done in quite a while. For some of them it had been years. School was partly to blame, but it couldn't take the full blame. I'm done with it now. So why wasn't I doing any of those things? What was I doing instead?

I'll tell you what I was doing. (Among very few other things) I was aimlessly scrolling though Facebook. Wasting time. Seeing what "friends" were up to. Then another question to get me thinking. Why am I "friends" with this many people?

There are so many answers to that question, and some of the answers are quite stupid. Thus the friend purge began. With every friend deleted it was like getting rid of excess baggage. It was a relief. Some people I was friends with because I wanted them to see me and my life. How I've changed, my accomplishments, etc. Prideful much? But then I realized I never talk to this person. I never look at their page and see what's happening in their life. Why would they care about me? Bye bye friends. Then there were the people whose page I would visit and only leave with jealousy. So, I'm friend with somebody because I'm jealous of them, their life, their beauty, their happenings. That makes NO sense. There went some more friends. There were people I don't know how or why we became friends and I really don't care about them or what's happening in their life. Don't get me wrong, some of these people are great people, and I hope everything goes well for them in life, but face it I haven't talked to them or them to me (except maybe a happy birthday that they only know of because Facebook told them) and I have no plans of talking to them. Bye friends. These are just a few answers. There are also the many reasons why I actually am friends and remain friends with so many people.

All this ranting and raving to say I now spend less time on Facebook and more time doing what I like to do. I don't find my worth in notifications and likes. Could I still spend even less time? Could I still get rid of more "friends?" Yes and yes. But this is a start.

What do I like to do? I like to read. Write. Cross-stitch (I'm an old lady at heart). Bake. Bike (which is a quite a bit easier and more enjoyable when your bike is fixed and put together correctly). Attempt to sew (the last attempt took a small chunk out of my finger). Learn (National Geographic is my choice for beach read material and I'm teaching myself all the countries, their locations, languages, flags and religions just because I want to know). I like this. This is me.

God's Not Dead but...

Warning: Contains major spoilers from the movie God's Not Dead.

Seriously I'm going to to fast forward and give the cliff note version, skipping pretty much right to the end of the movie.

This is your last chance to avoid spoilers. You've been warned.

Josh Wheaton, a Christian student challenged by his atheist professor, Professor Radisson,  gives all his evidence for the existence of God. Professor Radisson admits he hates God because his mother died from cancer when he was 12, and God did not save her. Later he reads a note his mom wrote him. Change of heart happening. He calls his girlfriend/ex-girlfriend, a Christian. Presumably to say something along the lines of, "hey, maybe I was wrong. Maybe this God of yours does exist. Tell me more." She doesn't answer. He goes to find her. Cue the car. Bam! While crossing the street he gets hit by the car and dies. In the minute before he dies, while he is lying in the road, the pastor is conveniently there and asks him if he knows Christ. Professor Radisson then gives his life to Christ and dies. He dies!

Great. He's saved. Happy ending. Right?

No!

God's not dead but Professor Radisson is.

Am I the only one sorely upset with the ending? Of the reviews I've read and skimmed none of them have mentioned the ending in this way. If you haven't quite caught on yet I have a slight problem with Professor Radisson dying in the end. (Yes, I realize it's just a movie so I may be looking too far in to it).

Professor Radisson makes a deathbed decision to accept Christ. I am not knocking his decision and saying it's not a genuine decision. It was clear he was on his way towards that decision anyway. Getting hit by a car just kind of sped things up. The way I see it, his deathbed decision was a relatively easy decision. Had he lived he would be faced with actually living out a Christian life. This would be a much greater challenge. His friends and colleagues were atheists. They mocked the idea of believeing in a God. His whole class was taught on the premise that God is dead.

Therefore, having given his life to Christ, if he lived, you would expect a change of character. I mean he would have to change the whole way he teaches his class. Living a Christian life among his colleagues and friends would certainly not be easy. It's safe to assume he would essentially be mocked and persecuted among his colleagues and friends. He would be faced with the choice of standing for Christ or denying Christ.

Christians are not guaranteed an easy life. There will be pain, insults, suffering (Matthew 5:11, James 1:2-4, 1 Peter 1:6-7, 1 Peter 3:15-17, 1 Peter 4:12-16). Professor Radisson I'm sure would have faced insults and mocking from his colleagues. He pretty much had a Saul to Paul conversion. Professor Radisson persecuted those who were Christians both in his class and life and tried to destroy their belief in God. Saul persecuted the church of God and tried to destroy it.

So they would have been kind of alike, except Professor Radisson died and didn't get to show a transformed life. His colleagues I'm sure would hear about the decision he made while dying, but having known him as they did, as one who persecuted Christians, would they really even believe it was true? Would they believe someone like him, who hated God, had really given his life to Christ? It's not that it's an impossible thing to believe, but he's not around anymore for them to truly see the change in his life. Their lives would then probably remain unchanged.

In conclusion, I think Professor Radisson should have lived.

Life Lately

Stress. Stress. Stress. And some more stress.

What does all this stress do to an individual? Well, I haven't slept well in weeks. Headaches, there have been a few. Upset stomachs? Some of those too. A couple of weeks ago I was the nearest I've ever been to having an anxiety attack, my breathing was getting pretty shallow. And as of last night you can add nose bleed. I used to take Valerian root some nights when I knew I couldn't get my mind to shut down. Now I take it day and night to help stay calm.

It's all really just from one class, seminar, and the paper for it. One of the two papers that determine if I graduate. I'm trying but I guess my efforts just aren't showing. And I'm just going to end that here.

This week made 10 years since I accepted Christ. It's great to be able to look back and see how much I've grown spiritually since 8th grade. That's what I needed now. A reminder to continue seeking the Lord and trust in Him.

When it Rains it Pours...and then Snows

When it rains it pours. Well then it hasn't stopped raining since before the Christmas break. And apparently that rain eventually turns to snow.

Here's to 24! May it be everything 23 wasn't! I'm not actually sure what that's supposed to mean but it seemed like the right thing to say. So yeah, I had a birthday. I'm 24. That's really all I have to say about that.

I began a post a couple of weeks ago and never finished (as per usual) so I'll combine that post with this one and have seeming little cohesion between thoughts.

The week of the 12th I had my high and low point of the week within a 2 day period, really within a 24 hour period. January 12 at 3:25pm my maw-maw passed away. January 13 at 1:30pm I took and passed the Praxis for SLP.

A not so good Christmas break led into an already stressful final semester of school. Christmas break consisted of studying practically everyday for the Praxis, my dad being diagnosed with Parkinson's (educate yourself), maw-maw being hospitalized and passing. That last one's been the hardest.

At 95 years old, maw-maw lived a full life. When she passed away there was sadness, regret, and anger. Lots of anger. What's happened has happened, can't change the past, so the anger has subsided. In it's place the sadness has grown. I do find comfort in knowing she is at home with the Lord, but it's still hard knowing she isn't hear anymore. Life has changed. What will Tuesdays when I don't have school look like? What will Saturdays when I'm not working be like now? What about holidays? Tuesdays, Saturdays, and holidays will all continue to happen but Maw-maw is no longer here. As her house (which she lived in for over 70 years!) has been being cleaned out my  mom asked me multiple times what I wanted. Yeah, I have a few items, but none of them are what I really want. What I want is maw-maw. What I want is for everything to stay exactly where it is and nothing change. I can't get what I want though. What I want is impossible. Sometimes I wonder if the sadness will ever leave. It's not an overwhelming or continual thing but it hits me, usually at night when I should have gone to bed a couple of hours ago, and I just have to cry a little.

School has begun. Barely. It's been 2 1/2 weeks and I have been to 3 classes. Seminar may be the death od me. All the reading and discussing. (Side note: I write comments/questions on the articles. Last week I wrote a comment about my comment:,"punny" and this week an article left me writing "wtf" at one point. Don't judge). Discussing...that means talking, kind of a lot. So this semester already has me stressed. It comes in waves. There are moments when I think there's no way I can make it through this semester. Then I finish reading an article and I think I can do this. Only 4 more months, really not even that long.

Clinic should have started this week but "snow" prevented that. The past three days have had a winter weather advisory. School was closed Tuesday and Wednesday and EBPRSS (which my clinic schedule is following) was closed today as well because of ice.

My car went from just having a flat tire to having a bad ball joint. Then to having a dead battery. Then to nope, not the battery might be the starter. Everything is further complicated by an uncontrollable car alarm. This has been in less than a weeks time. It'd be okay if we were only down one car, but we're not. Nope, we're down 2 (Daddy's truck hasn't been working since about Thanksgiving-ish), so that means 2 working vehicles for 4 people.

What were my new year "resolutions"? Be happy. Be positive. Be kind. Looks like I've got some work to do.

I'm handling things okay though, I think. Better than last year, but let's (meaning "let me") stop comparing to last year.

The Lord has brought some new people into my life. I think the Lord brings new people into your life at just the right time, when you need it, when you need them.

This was rambly (yeah, I'm making up words too), and long, and disjointed. Nor did I say some of the things I had intended to in the original post. They need more thinking over and Biblical searching.

And...end post.

Pot Calling the Kettle Black

I'm pretty sure between my post about resolutions and my comments made on facebook I've contradicted myself. And the very "resolutions" I did make aren't just new year resolutions. The resolutions I made shouldn't be just year changes but life changes. New life resolutions. Be positive, happy, patient, kind. Those aren't things to do or change just for a year and then be done with them. A new year resolution should be something to do the year and then if you don't keep it up for the following years then no biggie. A new year resolution would be read a book a month (I wish! Once school starts, no chance). What is something I can or want to do this year. I'm not sure. Turn my computer off and unplug at least an hour before "bed time." Which is hard when I don't go to bed at a set time. Computer off by 11pm? Again though, that's something that would probably be better for more than just this year.

Classic Emily overthinking.

It's a New Year

Posts two days in a row! What!? Well, I've been doing some thinking. Actually, not that much thinking, but I have thoughts. Now I try to make them make sense in words outside of my mind.

When I didn't really have a functioning computer a few weeks ago it was great! That obviously meant less time spent wasted online. The past few days particularly I've found myself wasting so much time online. Checking the same few sites I visit and finding nothing new or interesting on them. I'm bored with them but keep going back again and again.

I've kind of started hating facebook, or at least the overshares. I mean that in multiple ways. The people who overshare and the articles that get overshared. The articles that get overshared are actually sometimes good. I share some myself. I guess my qualm with this is when conversations in the real world begin with, "Did you see/read on facebook." Okay, so that goes beyond just articles, videos, and what not. Whatever. The oversharers. The people. I've "hidden" or whatever you call it so many people because really I don't care that much about what's happening in their life. Sorry. I don't care if it's your "first group date as a married couple." So? Is that really that significant or interesting to others. I probably shouldn't be complaining about oversharers because I'm sure I do it too. Whatever. 

("Whatever" is kind of my ending point/sign of defeat/i don't care/i say it like I really don't care but really do care. You figure out which it is right now).

Also, and this one goes back to people posting on facebook (sensing a pattern here...Facebook used to be good for staying in touch...now it's just a nuisance), so many people posting about the past year and new year. In and of itself, not a bad thing. Makes sense, it is January 1 after all. What's bothering me about it is in their reflection of the past year it's all me, me, me centered. I get that they're sharing about their past year, but it's all about their accomplishments. I did this. I did that. I, I, I. Yes, take pride in your accomplishments, be proud. But there is a fine line between being proud and being prideful. Wait a minute. I just said don't be prideful, but I also said take pride. What kind of semantics game am I trying to play?! The difference is humility.

Maybe I'm just sore because I look back on 2013 and I don't see that I've accomplished much. What I do see is the Lord taught me to wait and be okay with waiting. I see friends praying for and with me to get through difficult times. I see those as my highlights of 2013.

Finally, I thought I’d have no resolutions for the new year. Why make them? I don’t keep them. But I did. They’re not too specific but things I need/want to work on. 

• Be more positive. 
• Be happy. 
• Be patient. 
• Be kind. 

Okay, one is specific. Read my Bible everyday for at least 5 minutes... and not the last five minutes before I go to bed. Be intentional in the use of those minutes. 

Now I think I shall go share this one facebook...oversharing?