Let the Waters Rise

On my way to TNT tonight I was thinking about the Mexico meeting we would be having afterward. I realized I'm not sure if I want to go to Mexico anymore. Not necessarily want or not want to but should I? Am I supposed to? I felt really unsure. I hadn't just stated feeling like this though. I guess this is the first time I really let it get to me and actually started to think about it. Now that I have to make the decision. The thing is I'm not excited about it. Not excited about Africa either. I've grown up knowing the BCM goes to Mexico during spring break. That's what they do, when I'm in the BCM that's what I'll do. Last year I was so excited for the Mexico trip and then Feb. 26 we find out it's canceled. I was devastated. That was the same day I really realized I wouldn't be going on the trip to the Philippines I applied for either. It just wasn't a good day for me. I ended up going to Puerto Rico during spring break and it was an amazing trip. I have felt nothing for this trip though. So I'm almost to the BCM and this song comes on the radio:

Don't know where to begin
It's like my worlds caving in
And I try but I can't control my fear
Where do I go from here

Sometimes it's so hard to pray
When You feel so far away
but I am willing to go where You want me to
God I Trust You

(CHORUS)
There's a raging sea
Right in front of me
Wants to pull me in
Bring me to my knees
So let the waters rise
If You want them to
I will follow You
I will follow You

I will swim in the deep
Cuz you'll be next to me
You're in the eye of the storm and the calm of the sea
Your never out of reach

God You know where I've been
And You were there with me then
You were faithful before You'll be faithful again
I'm holding Your hand

CHORUS

God Your love is enough
You will pull me through
I'm holding onto You
God Your love is enough
I will follow You
I will follow You

CHORUS

"I'm willing to go where You want me to, God I trust You...I will follow You." So in addition Haiti being on my heart this was to. I was praying about it a lot during TNT and will continue to pray about it. I know what my family would say. They would tell me to stay home, take a break for once. I like what I do, I don't need a break. It's not about me though. It's not my week. It's God's week for Him to decide what I will do where I will go. I have to give it to Him, however He wants me to use it. After tonight I felt a little more sure about Africa but Mexico still just doesn't feel right. I think to myself though what will I do if I don't go. Probably nothing. The week will go by and I'll ask myself what did I do and I'll realize nothing, I wasted the week. I don't want to stay home and feel like I missed out but I don't want to go and be miserable and it not be right. I'll be praying a lot about this one.

Haiti is in my prayers

Tonight God has really placed a burden in my heart for Haiti. As my friends who were just there (or have been before) have said Haiti already had practically nothing, they were already suffering, they were at zero before and now they're below that. Quoting Norman's note, which he read tonight, "If there was a place where the devil vacationed I would say it was Haiti." Haiti is the devil's play place. I think about all the people who just died not knowing the Lord. All the thousands who were lost and now it's too late. Just take a moment to think about that and what it means. When I thought about this and it sunk in I wanted to start crying. I mean when you really grasp that it breaks my heart. I've never been to Haiti but I still hurt for the people there, the people who are lost, whose lives were bad before and now it's unimaginable (even more so than before) to me how they are living, surviving. And I think how worthless our money is if there is no one to go. No one to share Christ with them. Yes our money can help get them supplies they need, shelter, food, water, medical attention, but our money won't get them Christ. Our money might help save their physical life but it won't save their soul. I'm not advocating not giving because I certainly feel if we are able to give something, anything, we should but there's so much more that they need. Haiti is heavily in my prayers tonight.

just some thoughts

So, when I first started this blog I was just going to post about songs and those aha! moments when I hear them. When I really get the meaning of them or I take something from it. But I've got more to say then just talking about songs. Also, songs aren't the Scripture. Yes, some of them, many of them, are inspired by Scripture but I can't take them for the actual word.

So tonight in church an elderly man asked the usual, "How are you?" during the 'say hey to someone around you' time. I responded with the normal expected answer, "I'm good. How are you?" To which he replied, "I'm good. No, actually I'm not good."... Oh.... Um. What do you say to that? In the couple of seconds I'm processing thinking how to respond he continues (and I don't remember his exact words but they were right along these lines). "I'm not good because the Bible says, 'No one is good, no not one'." I was relieved he said that and is indeed doing alright but he gave me something new to think about.